Hook Size Doesn't Matter When You Use Dynamite

***Because life is the away it is, I will, as always, speak obtusely and of course fictionally about the 'hotel' I work in. Wouldn't want to Dooce myself, so this is all a made up story. Yeah. ****

It feels like walking through a mine field at work lately. I have delusions that I'm in a war, and other solders are being blown to bits all around me, while I know I can just as easily step on the next mine. It reminds me of kids throwing dynamite into a river to see the unlucky fish float to the top.

Two part timers were laid off this week. No one or two weeks notice - just "buh-bye". It's disconcerting, and it's just really frustrating when you look at the bigger picture. He/She was brought into a room with several 'managers' to be let go. These managers make insane money. In-sane. I often wonder how some people can feel comfortable justifying earning the amounts they do when you equate it to the work they do. Seriously not an even trade. It's be like handing the guy who squeegees your car window on a NYC street about $10K each time, and I think they do more work. When you combine their salaries (and the fact that they did not get benefits) these two part time people made less than a quarter of just one of these managers' salaries, yet the lay offs were based on the economic stress and budgeting cuts in various departments of the hotel. What kind of hotel can function when the manager and the owner make all the money, and they refuse to hire/pay/keep any employees to run the hotel? I just don't know how some people sleep comfortably knowing the disparity. I'm not one to whine about injustice or things not being "fair", but watching someone lose their home while others are wondering if they can work a little overtime to get a newer Lexus, because the 2008 just wasn't new enough.

It is now impossible for any 2 people to be off on the same day, and have our department area of the hotel function. They also slashed budgeted monies so that it's not possible to pay for all regular hotel employees to be present at all required functions. It's as though there's a wedding in our hotel this weekend, but we can't pay the chefs, cooks, servers or bartenders to serve the guests. We still expect you to show up though!

Honestly - I'm all for tightening the belt, slimming the budget, and working together to keep costs down, but part of the idea of cutting budgets and such was to ensure we'd not lose employees - at least save the jobs even if we have to function a little less comfortably during this time.

What I am seeing instead are giddy and self-concerned uppers wielding a butcher's knife and hacking away at the little sinewy strands of tissue and skin that were meekly holding together the skeleton of the emaciated anorexic of a company.

/rant

Ascending Steps From the Depths

Oooooh. That's right. I took left jabs, right hooks, body slams and more these past few weeks. I thought long and hard about making posts about it all. When it came down to it, I decided not to.

I didn't want to flood what I think is a perfectly good bloggity blog that entertains and informs people with unending wrapping whining text drivel that bemoans the ever asked - "Why Me!!??" with virtual sobbing noises and Nancy Kerrigan video clips I could have looped into the background. What caused all of this to come about? Let me only say, for a period of time I will not be addressing these topics:

~Progression of the house addition
~Status of my employment
~Tension levels at both places
~Status of the country
~Prop 8
~Health

and anything that begins with the letter "J". I'm not certain why... I'm just certain.

So, with nothing really said or done, let me move on to whatever the week brings us! Exciting news - Pahee will be arriving Wed to spend a nice bit of time with us. I'm looking forward to that! Good to be back.

What Started Out as Friendship Has Grown Stronger

On Monday afternoon, at approximately 4:45pm, my Adviser sent in my application for an EAD. Unless you absolutely have to, don't click on that link. Trust me. It's not worth the headache. I mean, I hope it will be worth the headache...you know what I mean. Pesky grammarians...always waiting for me to slip up.

Essentially what this means is that, all being well, I will be receiving a card in the next few months that will allow me to start work at the beginning of March, immediately after graduation. I'm really excited. It's such a cute little place, with phenomenal technology and just a really nice atmosphere. So far. Let me at least start working there before I notice the cracks!

Today, I popped in to spend a little time with DR and BossMan, among others, and got to talking with them. Naturally, the election came up, and with it, Prop 8. Somehow, I managed to convince BossMan that he should create a bumper sticker that says: Chickens, out of the closet; Gays, back in.

It was a really nice, cute little moment, and it makes me feel a fair bit safer knowing that BossMan is a huge raving liberal. And making a joke out of it almost made me forget the seriousness behind it. Until I got home and saw this cartoon:


^{By the genius, Tom Toles}

So this is my obligatory political post, before I give up hope:





Stay strong, California. We're with you.

Look What the Gays are Doing to the Soil

I am not coherent or rational enough today to be able to properly express myself with the elegance and lucidity that my love did, so I'm just going to leave you with a picture. I think it pretty much sums up my feelings right now.

How long until we realize just how socially unequal we are behaving? What will it take? Perhaps it's time for The Gays to get tax breaks since they don't enjoy equal protection or the same rights as others. That seems fair, right? Not enough of a person to marry who I choose? Screw your taxes, then.

Out Of A Foxhole & Into A Cave

Shhhhhh! I'm gonna have to whisper and stay low. Things here are still hot, and there's no rain in sight. Good thing I have Internet access down here, or I'd go crazy(er)! So, an update from behind enemy lines:

I came to the conclusion that I am alone in this fight - abandoned by the "collective group" that I paid dues to for protection and guidance and who instead are the ones creating this catastrophe, and I'm blamed/ostracized by my own department for what has taken place. I feel like at some point during the night, I was branded with a big Scarlet Letter. I'd love to know what it is, but I can't read upside down and in the mirror it's backwards. Whatever they have branded me, I have resolved to do the following -

I'm keeping my head low and continuing to do my work.
I'm not listening to any of the wild flying rumors.
I'm not participating in conversations about this issue.
I'm steering clear of individuals who may see this as an opportunity of weakness on my part.
I'm focusing on other important things, rather than work up my hysteria.

Do you know I actually heard someone say something about how a liberal woman has no place in this business anyway? WOW.

Someone drag me by my hair back to the cave so I can make fire and chisel a wheel.

On Uncertainty and Barnyard Animals

By the title, this could have been NSFW, but it's fine. I'm going to be vague and dodgy, as things are not 100% finalized, and I can't risk any further damage points. My life meter is low, and I have -3 stamina. One more hit from a beastie and I'm toast with no revive button!

Employment is the topic of uncertainty. It looks like all I have worked for the past 6 years is about to be demolished. It is also apparent that since it applies to me entire department, I am being used as the scapegoat that is making this disaster possible.

So not only am I in flux with my own future, but I am being blamed for the flux that is affecting the futures of others. For those of you who know me, I'm not good about guilt. I eat a plate for breakfast, and if it stays down, I can snack on it all day until my insides are torn to bits.

Keep me in some good, positive, meditative thoughts, ok kids? I can see my own tethered rope beginning to fray. I can't afford to come unravelled now.

No Marriage For You. Bad Gay.

I've been a little full of rage today, and it's taken me until now to figure out why: the debate. I should have known better than to watch 5 seconds of it, let alone the 45 minutes that I managed to make it through without barfing. I'm not a very political person, really. I don't know all the issues, I don't understand this $700 billion bailout, and I don't understand why Sarah Palin, John McCain, Joe Biden, and Barack Obama are so terribly threatened by the idea of me marrying my girl.

I have absolutely ZERO interest what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom, unless it involves children or animals. Two lifeforms that can't speak up for themselves and give their consent, or voice their refusal. Say it with me, people: Gay Marriage will not make it possible for people to marry their goat.

I can't really speak about this very eloquently, but let the record state that I am trying my utmost not to be a negative person. I spent many a year in that state, and like to think that the happy, laughing individual I propagate is finding its roots in me. Sooner or later, we all become what we pretend to be, right?

So last night, I lay in bed alone, trying to figure out the way forward, and my tiny, over-reactive brain said that Canada was the way forward. It isn't, but it took me a while to talk myself down from that. What I need to do is get a job, hopefully this job, and do things the hard way, but the legal way. Take the road that many have to, work for the set amount of years on an H-1B visa, before finally being allowed to switch over to permanent residency, and then eventually, perhaps citizenship.

And I'll do that, but it's not fair. My sister is getting married to a wonderful guy who lives in Delaware, and her road here is going to be far from easy, but she has that option. "I fell in love, and we want to be together" that the American government will accept and say, "OK, in you come." Heck, Bob down the street can bring in a mail-order bride if he finally gets sick of being alone and that's okay too. Just, y'know, as long as it's legitimate. And why wouldn't it be? Oh, that's right, because the faggots are destroying the sanctity of marriage.

Quick Rant

(Using pretend, anti-unemployment camoflague)

In the "Hotel" where I work, I guess I'd be considered security and a concierge. There are 3 others in my position as well. The hotel "general manager" oversees us all, and there is a "corporate manager" who intrudes and messes with things from time to time with no working knowledge of the facility. This corporate manager used to work in the same hotel as one of my fellow workers, and due to such things, this asshat has a definitive favoritism for this person.

It was recently brought to my attention that this connection was used to influence a major change in status and pay scale favoring this co-worker by the corp. manager. There really is no recourse for the other co-workers such as myself to complain or change this fact without jeopardy to my own position. Even the general manager is helpless to change the situation, being under the thumb of the corporation.

It's disheartening when I think of the very hard work I do, and the pride I take in it. This other mook is a sedentary piece of shit who spends his days blathering about his 'good 'ol days' in the old hotel, and complaining that the new hotel is too much work and slacking off or doing work I have to do over again because it's wrong. If you aren't happy to be here, get the fuck out and make room for people who want to be here, you bloated ass-monkey.

Whew. I think I was a bit more angry that I thought. Oooops.

Ohmmmmmmmmm....

Don't Poke Me, Bro

I'm an easy going person. I don't ask much. At work, I'm very much an active element, ready to go at a moment's notice. I do not, however, enjoy it when others I work with who do not share the same passion, interest, work ethic, or for ham and egg's sake some sort of level of consciousness to actually work decide it's fine to goof their way through the day and even goof on me. Fine. Do nothing and be worthless. DO NOT act surprised, however, when I bend that useless finger you are poking me in the ear with until you hear the tendons popping and then shove it up your ass till it pokes you in the eye. You'll wish it was just a tazer.

Flaming ass-monkeys who are useless at work.

/rant

Said In Front Of Me At Work

I swear I still think it was a hallucination...

Co-Worker 1: (out of nowhere and in reference to nothing) I LOVE nude beaches. Stumbling on those are great. I tried to get my wife to go to one, and she refuses.

Co-Worker 2: (Rolling eyes) Smith*, Shut up. I'm going to vomit from the thought of you at a nude beach.

Co-Worker 3: Smith LOVES to see the naked girls, doncha Smith? I'll bet he does! I'll bet he likes to see them, but not as much as Barbara does! (hysterical/maniacal laughter from her) Right? Am I right? Barbara LOVES to see those girls at a nude beach.

Me: (Slinking into my chair and wishing that a wild rabid hyena would tear into the room and devour this person on the spot) Can we NOT?!

Co-Worker 3: Not what?

Me: Can we NOT discuss or speculate on what I may or may not like in any realm of possibilities? I would rather not discuss mine or anyone else's preferences for anything non-work related in this environment.

Co-Worker 3: Really? Because I think I'd be interested in seeing those girls too. I mean, not that I'm, you know, like you - but just for the sake of curiosity.

Co-Worker 1: Oh, i don't know. A lot of those people on nude beaches don't have much of a right to walk around naked, if you know what I mean - Unattractive! (He then belches)

Me: Oh. My. God. This isn't real, right? Can we all shut up now? Am I even here? (I slap myself in the face)

Co-Worker 3: (as if I've said nothing in the past few moments) ...I mean, it's only natural and stuff. Are there those types of beaches around? Barbara must know...

(Slam of the door as I escape to the sanity of the locker room)

OMGWTFBBQ?


*names changed to protect the ignorant as well as myself from a doocing.

Grrrr. Arrrrrg.

I'm at my primary place of employment. I am angry. I am having a hard time not expressing this anger in ways that might:

A) Violate another person's right to (continued) life
B) Violate many laws and/or the Constitution
C) Violate common manners
or
D) Break a nail

So, instead, I searched Google images to find things to represent these feelings. I shall post them, so might join with me in working through these feelings. I am also going to set my iPod to play some of my most angry, violence-based music at inappropriate levels. This always helps to calm me down. Or clam me up. Either way, I'll be focused on things other than destroying another human being.

This is how I know I am failing at my Buddhist practice. I need more, uh, practice.