Pull the Cord on 3...

You know the decision to diet was wise when while throwing your undies across the room, they turn into a parachute... I'm less than amused.

It's Not What it Sounds Like

All week, we've been planning a BBQ at work, and today the plans came to fruition. The weather cooperated, the chef was great, and lots of fun was had by all, considering we squeezed it into our lunch hour.

Everything's going swimmingly. Everyone's laughing and joking around, nomming our way happily through lots of food. One of the chaps is trying to come up with an excuse to spend the rest of the day outside. He says he wants to mandate that everyone bring out their computer towers and blow the dust out of them with some fresh air, because, well, it IS memorial day weekend.

And genius here, without thinking AT ALL, says: "Yes, we have to remember those towers that have previously fallen."

Silence.

I'm looking around like, what? I know it wasn't THAT funny, but a smirk or something? Anyone?

DR finally says: "Ouch?"

And I realize that I have inadvertently made them all think that the new-girl-foreigner-on-the-block just made a 9/11 joke. Brilliant.

Forget Swine Flu... It's Sudden Lesbian Syndrome!!

I thought the headline was another FARK joke, but no, I read on further to see that Oprah and CNN really issued reports and dedicated blog postings to this new affliction. My question is, where were these women 10 years ago, and why didn't I go to school to be a nurse in some specialty clinic for this!

In the interest of fair blogging, I offer you the links for CNN.com and Oprah.com articles, as well as the best photo of Her Majesty "O" I have ever seen.
Enjoy kids.




http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/23/o.women.leave.menfor.women/


http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2009/05/04/cnn-oprah-com-calls-sudden-lesbian-syndrome-new-trend-without-an

Alphabits Vomit

Remember that Alphabits cereal? Well, right now my brain feels a bit like a Alice in Wonderland sized bowel of it drowning in swirly milk, and I only have a piece of string to try to eat it with. So, in a jumbled fashion I am going to spew forth some of what is on my mind, and hope it does me some kind of good and keeps me out of an asylum. Please remember it's a stream of consciousness kind of thing, so if it makes no sense to you, you might be better off - and I am not responsible for any streams that it might trigger in you.

Hermaphrodite insensitive wankers users making days long and difficult choking feeling breathing meditating peace and calm washing over then turning to black big cysts or lumps or what they find and won't confirm or deny making it harder and harder to figure out how I feel and not concentrate on death and sickness Jesus shaped ducks and Jehovah's witnesses at my door early on a Saturday morning to have a 'discussion' unable to move in my own space unable to function normally walking on eggshells tired of the repetitive drama that is stale and old how many colors they now make for cars and how few of those are available on the specific model I choose value versus affording versus debt versus me and what's MY value? Debt vs. Me while others disavow responsibility and I shoulder even more as the weight crushes and I yell for the penguin to stop it from happening - Burma! but it's already exploded
wheezing when I'm face first to the wind and drowning in the daily routine of life knowing what needs to be done and lacking the ability to lift my arm

making excuses for the leeches around me and failing to get past my guilt of not being everything to everyone

loving the walk of the Buddhist path and yet lamenting (which I wouldn't if I was a better Buddhist) that I am not walking it well enough...
caffeine caramel and calories ball gazer dean Sparkling Silver is the name of the color of our car with black jacks.
frustration pouring out of my ears and they are on fire. my ears radiate heat and my throat runs dry with desperation, wanting to have the slightest bit of control over my life and knowing it's desperately out of my hands. Stop poking me in the stomach I don't like it!! don't pick the most inappropriate times to talk to me and don't assume I will always be here to wipe your ass
inconsiderate assmunchers destined to never overcome their own inability to grow the fuck up
i miss incense and candles Me time drained tired and unable to meet all the demands on me, but am I at fault for allowing these demands to be placed on me babies pink and brown and yoinks that deflate me travel getting into the new motor and just going. Driving north until i feel happy again, until I can breathe. bottom of the ninth, why are the red sox losing and why do I even feel responsible for that?? wish I could have seen the Dalai Lama today in Mass and even as i try ridding myself of desire, i want.


If you came this far, you deserve a treat. I don't even care that it's misspelled. He's so freaking adorable.