We've been busy little bugs of late. Some good stuff, some not so good, and some amazingly great. Will post something soon, but in the meantime, I wanted to give you all a link to a blog of someone spectacular to me, Miss Haunt Couture. Ok, in my life she's known as Melissa Joy Crawford. You can see her accolades on IMDB. Even more impressive to me, you can see her continuing and very extraordinary work almost daily in NYC on Broadway. (currently working on Pee Wee's Playhouse on Broadway!) There, she is a costume designer, effects person, and likely a whole bunch of other things I know nothing about. Please, stop by her site or look her up - Google her or whatever. She's truly someone worth knowing!
So, Check out MJ at Haunt Couture
Side note - Her beau, John Matthews, is a fantastical musician, and his band Strange Things Done in the Midnight Sun, can be seen in NJ and NY all the time. I don't know much more, but they do have some videos on You Tube and such. Strange Things @ mySpace or at Strange Things @ FaceBook
You can thank me later.
Another fun thing for you to look up on this snowy Boxing Day!
Poignant, Opinionated, Feral and Female. Be scared. She Squared.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Bad Bad Wife
That's me. I'm a bad wife.
This year has had so much going on for me, what with a potential move to Ethiopia, massive panic over impending 30-tude, and getting increasingly involved in politics. It's had so much going on that I have inadvertently completely thrown everybody I care about by the wayside. I don't know what my Wife wants for Rohatsu.
I could look within myself and pull up things that I know she loves, but I've been so damned introspective for most of the year, that I don't even know what those things are right now. It's been all "Me-me-me."
Next year will be better. Next year will NOT be all about me.
For now though, I'm taking gift suggestions...
This year has had so much going on for me, what with a potential move to Ethiopia, massive panic over impending 30-tude, and getting increasingly involved in politics. It's had so much going on that I have inadvertently completely thrown everybody I care about by the wayside. I don't know what my Wife wants for Rohatsu.
I could look within myself and pull up things that I know she loves, but I've been so damned introspective for most of the year, that I don't even know what those things are right now. It's been all "Me-me-me."
Next year will be better. Next year will NOT be all about me.
For now though, I'm taking gift suggestions...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
We All Have A Story
In light of the recent suicides that are rocking our nation and draining the light from so many people, I have decided to share a tiny bit of myself and my story in the hopes that I might inspire at least one person to decide that it can, in fact, get better. I will leave the vast majority of details out of this telling – for the sake of family and friends who do not need or want to know them. What is important will remain.
We All Have a Story
Late Saturday night on an exceptionally humid June night, I stepped out of my apartment to walk the short distance to the tiny market for things to drink. Nothing was left in the apartment I shared with a girl who worked with me, and it was filled with all sorts of random people she invited over, so going out into that air was a relief from the smoky air rife with random degrees of body odor and patchouli that permeated the apartment. It is a big city sky overhead and the streetlights were sparkly in the hazy air.
I greeted the Korean man who owned the small corner convenience store as always, and waved at his wife who was knitting in the back corner by the coolers. After grabbing a few bottles of Snapple and soda, I walked back over to the register, paid and started to head home. Once outside, I lit a Camel Red and looked around, leaning back on the brick building. It had been (or more correctly, it still was) Pride weekend in the city, and although the parade ended hours ago while it was still daylight, you could still hear some music in the streets, and see people bounding from one location to another in big, happy, giggling groups. Some groups were dispersing for the night, and others looked like they were just meeting up to begin theirs. The promise of fun was tempting, but I had a pillow with my name on it, and an early shift at work waiting for me.
I blew out the smoke I was holding in my lungs, contemplated the nub of the cigarette that was left, and crushed it out on the sole of my Doc Martins. I was only running to the store, so I threw on what I could, and I now assessed my ensemble. Cut off jean shorts, a thin ribbed tank, and a light faded flannel tied around my waist. Good thing I wasn’t going to run into friends like this.
I set off for the apartment with my bevy of beverages, the perspiration gathering on my top lip. I was wishing I had worn socks of some sort, because even my feet were sweating and slipping around in the Docs. I rounded the corner from the market and almost plowed head first into a small group of three. I jerked back and grunted the perfunctory apology and continued down the block. I hadn’t gotten more than about 8 feet when I heard a female voice from behind me hiss “Watch yourself, Dyke.”
I’d been in the city long enough to know that you learn what battles to pick, and this wasn’t one of them. I didn’t even turn around, but kept my head down and kept walking. Names, hostility, and some criminal mischief seemed to come with the territory, but so far, I’d never really been scared so I shrugged these kids off too. That wasn’t going to be the end of it this, however.
I heard a shuffling of footsteps approaching from behind, and I wheeled around, ready to defend myself with more apologies. They were right up on me – two guys about 17 and maybe 20, and a blonde girl about my age in heavy make up, jeans, and an old college sweatshirt.
“I really didn’t mean to bump into you. Sorry if I disturbed you.” I made to turn around and walk away. Walk away, the smart thing to do – so I had always been told and still believe to a point.
“Oh, you disturbed me, alright, Dyke.” That last word came out like spit between her teeth. “I saw you looking at me, and it’s not alright. Just because you have some parade or something doesn’t mean you get all the pussy you want. Most of the women here are normal. Stop spreading your sickness or Aids will stop you anyway.” She was glaring at me, and her friends were nodding.
“Ok, gotcha. You aren’t my type anyway, so please have a good night, and I won’t be bothering you anymore.” I turned on my heel and quick stepped it out of there. I was around the next corner and a little way down the block before I took another breath.
“Shitheaded homophobes” I breathed out to myself. I tried to shake it off, and tried to bounce in my step again. I started thinking about how tired I was, and how much I looked forward to sleep tonight. I also needed to talk to Dust, my roomie, about expenses, but that would wait for another night. I dug into my front jeans pocket for my Camels to calm me. I never heard them coming.
The first thing I heard was a heavy step right behind me, and I felt a heavy blow to my left cheek as I turned, followed by a fist to my stomach. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, and I couldn’t stand. I dropped to my knees, the bag of drinks spilling to the sidewalk behind me. I could taste the rust of blood in my mouth. I opened my right eye and saw the three of them arced around me, the female in the middle.
“You saw her. She was looking at me all lesbian. That’s disgusting. Hold her down” she spat.
“No, I… I didn’t mean, I wasn’t…” I barely managed to squeak out.
“Save it, Dyke. We don’t like gays here. Fags are gross, so we get rid of them since the police won’t. No parades or twinks around to save you now, are there?” she taunted. “I said hold her”
They grabbed my arms and held them out while she delivered several kicks to my chest and stomach. Pain tore through me, and I couldn’t move, breathe or beg. She picked up a small bottle sitting on the steps of an apartment building next to her and smashed it into my face. I saw the bright hot light of pain, heard talking, but then mercifully passed out while they continued to rein punches and kicks to my head and body. As I went out, I begged any God to spare my family finding me. We hadn’t had a lot of contact since I left home, and I realized it might have been to save them from finding out about this ending.
I woke up several days later in an area hospital. The only other person in the room was a guy in the next bed who heard me sputter a little as I came around.
“Hey, you’re awake? They beat you a good one. Surprised you wanted to wake up.” He rolled away from me and watched his tv.
Tears rolled down my face as I realized a number of things. There was no one there for me. There was no one for the hospital to contact for me, to claim me, to help me. I called my roommate from the phone in the room, trying to work my jaw and swollen lips around my teeth. How I still had my teeth, I don’t understand. The phone rang and rang until a guy picked it up. I asked for Dust, but he said she’d split two days ago after I didn’t come home, and he had taken over the apartment. He said my stuff was in the basement if I wanted it, or what was left of it.
I hung up as sobs escaped me. I had no home to go to. I had no friends to call. The only thing I could think of was how to escape this life. I had a habit I could return to. It could dull my senses, or if I could find the money to afford it, it could be my ticket out of this hideous place. I knew why I had been beaten to the core. I could suffer it alone. Only I didn’t want to.
The nurses let me use the bathroom once the catheter had been taken out. So far, I believed the true color of my urine to be red, but it finally became clear. I noticed under my backless gown that I had bandages and tape across my stomach and chest and they were tender to touch. I got up slowly, and shuffled to the sink to clean up a bit. I looked into the mirror.
My face looked like a discolored image from a funhouse distortion mirror. It was odd shaped in places, my lips were split open and cracked, the corners of my mouth caked with dried saliva and blood from breathing with my mouth open. My left eye was completely swollen shut and had butterfly bandages and black string under and over it. Part of my left eyebrow was missing over the bridge of my misshapen nose, as if ripped off. My right eye looked surprisingly pretty, with only a shadow of bruising on it, and it was partially open. I tried to see my teeth, but opening my mouth hurt too much. My ears were red and sore looking, and I had a band aid over the top of my left ear. I felt lopsided, like my injuries were all on my left. In my head, I was glad, because being a righty, it would have taken forever to heal and learn to be a lefty. I was far from ambidextrous. Right now, I was just far from dexterous. Right now, I looked far from human.
I slid to the floor and reached for the toilet. I clutched the cold porcelain like it was a person and let out the sobbing that I had held back long enough to assess the damage in the mirror. I sobbed so hard I shook, and I could feel my ribcage protesting to the strain. Finally, I retched for several minutes, managing to bring up some very acidic bile and not much else. I rose to my feet, wiped my mouth with my bandaged hand and flushed the toilet. I patted some cold water to my face and emerged from the bathroom. My room was empty now. I guessed the roommate was making a walking round or getting tests. Maybe he was discharged. I didn’t know. I sat back on the bed and a nurse came in with discharge forms. Most of the lines were blank – who to contact, whose care I was released to, and residence. She told me to come back in two days, or go to the clinic to have my bandages changed for the next week. She was polite, but curt. She never looked me in the eye. I asked if the police had come, and she said no. I asked how I got there, and her answer was that someone called the cops to say I was in the street passed out drunk. They came to get me to “move along” and found a bloody mess. I stopped hearing her then. I tried to figure out what I was feeling. It was shame. She got up and walked out of the room, and the shame grew.
I had shame that I had no home now. I was ashamed I allowed myself to be beaten, because I thought I was pretty street smart. I was ashamed of why I was beaten. I really never thought I was ashamed of who I was. I was a lesbian. No problem for me. I had come to terms with it on the inside a long time ago, but it was a big problem for a lot of other people, and that DID make it a problem for me. I felt shame for wanting to hide what happened to me, but I did. I put on makeup at a Macy’s counter before I walked to where I worked to see if I still had a job. Luckily, I did. Unluckily, I hated it, and I hated myself for doing it – so I worked 3 more nights and slept in my car until I finally headed out to a town I was familiar with outside the city. I stayed with friends of friends, and in some shelters. I eventually healed on the outside, and found work in restaurants – surprisingly taking to the early morning routine of a cook very well. I then summoned the courage to move forward with my education, my relationships and my life.
A lot has happened since that time in my life, and the details are not important. What is important enough for me to sit here today and write out for others to read, are the small revelations and details that allowed me to BE here today.
After I sobbed into the toilet of the hospital, I vowed it was all over. I had nothing, and I had no one. I was an object at work, and a shell of a person the other hours of the day. I looked over my shoulder at every noise and lived a life of fear, both real and imaginary. I hid who I really was from everyone, and dulled my pain in drugs and drinking, hoping that every night I might go far enough to not wake up. I had allowed the actions of ignorant, hate filled people to fill me with despair and disgust at myself. They won. Long after the original beating, I was allowing them to beat me every moment of every day.
There was no moment of glory, where the clouds parted and a wise person bestowed logical life lessons upon me that created a change. It was gradual, and personal, and spiritual from inside me. I overcame it on my own. I decided to surround myself with good people. I decided to be exactly who I was, and live that way. I decided that my family was important to me, and as long as they could accept me for who I was, I wanted to be fully involved in the family. I decided that I never wanted to feel that my life was not worth living ever again. I also decided that I was going to use my life to emulate hope in others that anyone and everyone was equal.
I may have fallen short on some of that along the way, but the recent tragic events and subsequent deaths of LGBT youth caused me to remember that time in my life where I had nothing and no one in the face of bigotry and violence. I wanted to reach out and tell people who are suffering in silence that IT GETS BETTER. Not that day and not the day after. Whether you have a cheerleading squad of supportive friends and family or if you are alone – you are still a valuable human being on this earth with a soul and a purpose. I did it alone. You might not have to, but you could if you had to. Call one of the many support line numbers and talk to us. Reach out. Have discussions. Find yourself. Be yourself. Don’t allow anyone to take it from you.
I think I was ugly and disfigured until I was bashed. I think I became beautiful when I saw it in myself – scars and all.
Think you can't make it? You can. Want help? It's here.
Physical, Emotional, Psychological and other types of attacks are not acceptable. Compassion and understanding are the only ways we will stop the cycle.
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/suicide-resources/local-resources
1-866-488-7386
We All Have a Story
Late Saturday night on an exceptionally humid June night, I stepped out of my apartment to walk the short distance to the tiny market for things to drink. Nothing was left in the apartment I shared with a girl who worked with me, and it was filled with all sorts of random people she invited over, so going out into that air was a relief from the smoky air rife with random degrees of body odor and patchouli that permeated the apartment. It is a big city sky overhead and the streetlights were sparkly in the hazy air.
I greeted the Korean man who owned the small corner convenience store as always, and waved at his wife who was knitting in the back corner by the coolers. After grabbing a few bottles of Snapple and soda, I walked back over to the register, paid and started to head home. Once outside, I lit a Camel Red and looked around, leaning back on the brick building. It had been (or more correctly, it still was) Pride weekend in the city, and although the parade ended hours ago while it was still daylight, you could still hear some music in the streets, and see people bounding from one location to another in big, happy, giggling groups. Some groups were dispersing for the night, and others looked like they were just meeting up to begin theirs. The promise of fun was tempting, but I had a pillow with my name on it, and an early shift at work waiting for me.
I blew out the smoke I was holding in my lungs, contemplated the nub of the cigarette that was left, and crushed it out on the sole of my Doc Martins. I was only running to the store, so I threw on what I could, and I now assessed my ensemble. Cut off jean shorts, a thin ribbed tank, and a light faded flannel tied around my waist. Good thing I wasn’t going to run into friends like this.
I set off for the apartment with my bevy of beverages, the perspiration gathering on my top lip. I was wishing I had worn socks of some sort, because even my feet were sweating and slipping around in the Docs. I rounded the corner from the market and almost plowed head first into a small group of three. I jerked back and grunted the perfunctory apology and continued down the block. I hadn’t gotten more than about 8 feet when I heard a female voice from behind me hiss “Watch yourself, Dyke.”
I’d been in the city long enough to know that you learn what battles to pick, and this wasn’t one of them. I didn’t even turn around, but kept my head down and kept walking. Names, hostility, and some criminal mischief seemed to come with the territory, but so far, I’d never really been scared so I shrugged these kids off too. That wasn’t going to be the end of it this, however.
I heard a shuffling of footsteps approaching from behind, and I wheeled around, ready to defend myself with more apologies. They were right up on me – two guys about 17 and maybe 20, and a blonde girl about my age in heavy make up, jeans, and an old college sweatshirt.
“I really didn’t mean to bump into you. Sorry if I disturbed you.” I made to turn around and walk away. Walk away, the smart thing to do – so I had always been told and still believe to a point.
“Oh, you disturbed me, alright, Dyke.” That last word came out like spit between her teeth. “I saw you looking at me, and it’s not alright. Just because you have some parade or something doesn’t mean you get all the pussy you want. Most of the women here are normal. Stop spreading your sickness or Aids will stop you anyway.” She was glaring at me, and her friends were nodding.
“Ok, gotcha. You aren’t my type anyway, so please have a good night, and I won’t be bothering you anymore.” I turned on my heel and quick stepped it out of there. I was around the next corner and a little way down the block before I took another breath.
“Shitheaded homophobes” I breathed out to myself. I tried to shake it off, and tried to bounce in my step again. I started thinking about how tired I was, and how much I looked forward to sleep tonight. I also needed to talk to Dust, my roomie, about expenses, but that would wait for another night. I dug into my front jeans pocket for my Camels to calm me. I never heard them coming.
The first thing I heard was a heavy step right behind me, and I felt a heavy blow to my left cheek as I turned, followed by a fist to my stomach. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, and I couldn’t stand. I dropped to my knees, the bag of drinks spilling to the sidewalk behind me. I could taste the rust of blood in my mouth. I opened my right eye and saw the three of them arced around me, the female in the middle.
“You saw her. She was looking at me all lesbian. That’s disgusting. Hold her down” she spat.
“No, I… I didn’t mean, I wasn’t…” I barely managed to squeak out.
“Save it, Dyke. We don’t like gays here. Fags are gross, so we get rid of them since the police won’t. No parades or twinks around to save you now, are there?” she taunted. “I said hold her”
They grabbed my arms and held them out while she delivered several kicks to my chest and stomach. Pain tore through me, and I couldn’t move, breathe or beg. She picked up a small bottle sitting on the steps of an apartment building next to her and smashed it into my face. I saw the bright hot light of pain, heard talking, but then mercifully passed out while they continued to rein punches and kicks to my head and body. As I went out, I begged any God to spare my family finding me. We hadn’t had a lot of contact since I left home, and I realized it might have been to save them from finding out about this ending.
I woke up several days later in an area hospital. The only other person in the room was a guy in the next bed who heard me sputter a little as I came around.
“Hey, you’re awake? They beat you a good one. Surprised you wanted to wake up.” He rolled away from me and watched his tv.
Tears rolled down my face as I realized a number of things. There was no one there for me. There was no one for the hospital to contact for me, to claim me, to help me. I called my roommate from the phone in the room, trying to work my jaw and swollen lips around my teeth. How I still had my teeth, I don’t understand. The phone rang and rang until a guy picked it up. I asked for Dust, but he said she’d split two days ago after I didn’t come home, and he had taken over the apartment. He said my stuff was in the basement if I wanted it, or what was left of it.
I hung up as sobs escaped me. I had no home to go to. I had no friends to call. The only thing I could think of was how to escape this life. I had a habit I could return to. It could dull my senses, or if I could find the money to afford it, it could be my ticket out of this hideous place. I knew why I had been beaten to the core. I could suffer it alone. Only I didn’t want to.
The nurses let me use the bathroom once the catheter had been taken out. So far, I believed the true color of my urine to be red, but it finally became clear. I noticed under my backless gown that I had bandages and tape across my stomach and chest and they were tender to touch. I got up slowly, and shuffled to the sink to clean up a bit. I looked into the mirror.
My face looked like a discolored image from a funhouse distortion mirror. It was odd shaped in places, my lips were split open and cracked, the corners of my mouth caked with dried saliva and blood from breathing with my mouth open. My left eye was completely swollen shut and had butterfly bandages and black string under and over it. Part of my left eyebrow was missing over the bridge of my misshapen nose, as if ripped off. My right eye looked surprisingly pretty, with only a shadow of bruising on it, and it was partially open. I tried to see my teeth, but opening my mouth hurt too much. My ears were red and sore looking, and I had a band aid over the top of my left ear. I felt lopsided, like my injuries were all on my left. In my head, I was glad, because being a righty, it would have taken forever to heal and learn to be a lefty. I was far from ambidextrous. Right now, I was just far from dexterous. Right now, I looked far from human.
I slid to the floor and reached for the toilet. I clutched the cold porcelain like it was a person and let out the sobbing that I had held back long enough to assess the damage in the mirror. I sobbed so hard I shook, and I could feel my ribcage protesting to the strain. Finally, I retched for several minutes, managing to bring up some very acidic bile and not much else. I rose to my feet, wiped my mouth with my bandaged hand and flushed the toilet. I patted some cold water to my face and emerged from the bathroom. My room was empty now. I guessed the roommate was making a walking round or getting tests. Maybe he was discharged. I didn’t know. I sat back on the bed and a nurse came in with discharge forms. Most of the lines were blank – who to contact, whose care I was released to, and residence. She told me to come back in two days, or go to the clinic to have my bandages changed for the next week. She was polite, but curt. She never looked me in the eye. I asked if the police had come, and she said no. I asked how I got there, and her answer was that someone called the cops to say I was in the street passed out drunk. They came to get me to “move along” and found a bloody mess. I stopped hearing her then. I tried to figure out what I was feeling. It was shame. She got up and walked out of the room, and the shame grew.
I had shame that I had no home now. I was ashamed I allowed myself to be beaten, because I thought I was pretty street smart. I was ashamed of why I was beaten. I really never thought I was ashamed of who I was. I was a lesbian. No problem for me. I had come to terms with it on the inside a long time ago, but it was a big problem for a lot of other people, and that DID make it a problem for me. I felt shame for wanting to hide what happened to me, but I did. I put on makeup at a Macy’s counter before I walked to where I worked to see if I still had a job. Luckily, I did. Unluckily, I hated it, and I hated myself for doing it – so I worked 3 more nights and slept in my car until I finally headed out to a town I was familiar with outside the city. I stayed with friends of friends, and in some shelters. I eventually healed on the outside, and found work in restaurants – surprisingly taking to the early morning routine of a cook very well. I then summoned the courage to move forward with my education, my relationships and my life.
A lot has happened since that time in my life, and the details are not important. What is important enough for me to sit here today and write out for others to read, are the small revelations and details that allowed me to BE here today.
After I sobbed into the toilet of the hospital, I vowed it was all over. I had nothing, and I had no one. I was an object at work, and a shell of a person the other hours of the day. I looked over my shoulder at every noise and lived a life of fear, both real and imaginary. I hid who I really was from everyone, and dulled my pain in drugs and drinking, hoping that every night I might go far enough to not wake up. I had allowed the actions of ignorant, hate filled people to fill me with despair and disgust at myself. They won. Long after the original beating, I was allowing them to beat me every moment of every day.
There was no moment of glory, where the clouds parted and a wise person bestowed logical life lessons upon me that created a change. It was gradual, and personal, and spiritual from inside me. I overcame it on my own. I decided to surround myself with good people. I decided to be exactly who I was, and live that way. I decided that my family was important to me, and as long as they could accept me for who I was, I wanted to be fully involved in the family. I decided that I never wanted to feel that my life was not worth living ever again. I also decided that I was going to use my life to emulate hope in others that anyone and everyone was equal.
I may have fallen short on some of that along the way, but the recent tragic events and subsequent deaths of LGBT youth caused me to remember that time in my life where I had nothing and no one in the face of bigotry and violence. I wanted to reach out and tell people who are suffering in silence that IT GETS BETTER. Not that day and not the day after. Whether you have a cheerleading squad of supportive friends and family or if you are alone – you are still a valuable human being on this earth with a soul and a purpose. I did it alone. You might not have to, but you could if you had to. Call one of the many support line numbers and talk to us. Reach out. Have discussions. Find yourself. Be yourself. Don’t allow anyone to take it from you.
I think I was ugly and disfigured until I was bashed. I think I became beautiful when I saw it in myself – scars and all.
Think you can't make it? You can. Want help? It's here.
Physical, Emotional, Psychological and other types of attacks are not acceptable. Compassion and understanding are the only ways we will stop the cycle.
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/suicide-resources/local-resources
1-866-488-7386
Friday, October 1, 2010
It's & Day!
Hello everyone. How are my minions? No? Well, if you see any, tell 'em I need my laundry done and the toilet needs scrubbing. Thanks.
Yay! So, Happy Symbol-Used-By-People-Too-Lazy-To-Type-Out-"AND" Day!!
Today is October 1, 2010. 10/01/10 I liked the look of it, and when strung together reminded me of binary code. 100110. Looks smart, right? Only problem is, it takes 8 digits strung together to make a letter. I did find, however, that these six create the ampersand symbol! So, Happy Ampersand Day!
More importantly, It is 10/01/10, and Lisa is still dwelling on US soil! She has not gone to Ethiopia (yet). Things there are still up in the air, and no plans are clear, but I'm just happy she's still here.
Yay! So, Happy Symbol-Used-By-People-Too-Lazy-To-Type-Out-"AND" Day!!
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| found at puntabulous.com |
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Prepare Yourself - The DADT Rant
My “Run Lola Run” Approach to the Current Political and Societal Conundrums in this Life.
Every person in this country (and others who have a vested interest) is being affected by the myriad of causes, bills, laws, and controversies currently evolving and devolving around us. I am completely disgusted by most of it. I am finding such a duality in this country. We claim to be this land of the free – then we limit the freedoms afforded to the very people both living in and defending the country. I am currently on a rant about DADT’s failed repeal.
I can sum up my position a bit better in a reply to a blog poster I encountered on Rachel Maddow’s blog.
The comment I was responding to:
“If gays want to serve their country and they are loyal to the US Military, they should understand what disruption they would cause and serve without projecting their sexual preferences. It's being done now and it works”
My Response:
How exactly is this working? Heterosexual soldiers fight for their country, and their pay and benefits extend to their family. If they should perish, their families are respectfully told and given death benefits. Homosexual soldiers fight every day beside them, in no less danger, but they cannot share the benefits with their family. If they die in the same manner, no one is respectfully told, and the spouse gets no death benefit - not even the benefit of their pain and loss being recognized by this great country they were fighting for. I am sad that they have to feel so much less of a person while devoting their lives to the very same country. This is simple inequality and bias. It's not onstitutional.
And your argument is about showers? If all rules are plain and apply - no fraternizing, no sex, and no harassment among any soldiers - then I do not see the issue. It applies to everyone. If the rules are followed, there no problems other than the ones some self righteous and self important soldier might make for themselves in their own mind.
For the Full article and video, plus all the fun and not-so-fun comments: http://bit.ly/ciK8sV
There are such bigger issues inside the smaller ones, and my fear – my true, roaring fear is that this world is becoming unknown to me. What made sense once is gone, and logic is out the window. We’re all becoming pawns for other people’s agendas, and I’m learning that these other people are idiots and assholes. Time in this world is limited, and we need to do the best we can for everyone in it. I’m losing patience with intolerance. I am tired of people screaming that Gays can’t get equal (or “special”, as some call them) rights, because then people would be getting married to farm animals and aliens. Farm animals? C'mon! Lemme tell you, I sometimes wonder if it’d be easier to marry an alien but immigration has taught me otherwise! ;) Stop equating consensual love to bestiality or sex with an unwilling – unknowing - unable to protest animal. When someone tells you to "Go fuck a goat!" it's just slang for "Fuck off!" so please, if you are taking it literally, walk away from the poor thing. Why can’t we focus on what makes us all happy, and allow everyone to experience it. Historically, we’ve overcome the exact same bias of letting interracial couples marry, foreign people of different cultures marry, and people of opposing religions marry. So far, the world did not explode, and it has only expanded our human capacity for compassion and understanding, not to mention love. How is this any different? It’s not. So pull yer heads from yer arseholes and let’s focus on harder things – like how to get gum out of your hair or candle wax out of your mom’s favorite tablecloth after a family dinner!
I wish I was a princess/with armies at her handLately, I feel like I am fighting against an invisible wall – one I can’t get through, and yet I feel insane fighting against it because most others are on the other side, watching me flail around while they either sit still doing nothing or fight against me. This line from Running One sums up how I feel about it pretty well. I’ll try to link the song soon.
I wish I was a ruler/who'd make them understand
- Run Lola Run, “Running One”
Every person in this country (and others who have a vested interest) is being affected by the myriad of causes, bills, laws, and controversies currently evolving and devolving around us. I am completely disgusted by most of it. I am finding such a duality in this country. We claim to be this land of the free – then we limit the freedoms afforded to the very people both living in and defending the country. I am currently on a rant about DADT’s failed repeal.
I can sum up my position a bit better in a reply to a blog poster I encountered on Rachel Maddow’s blog.
The comment I was responding to:
“If gays want to serve their country and they are loyal to the US Military, they should understand what disruption they would cause and serve without projecting their sexual preferences. It's being done now and it works”
My Response:
How exactly is this working? Heterosexual soldiers fight for their country, and their pay and benefits extend to their family. If they should perish, their families are respectfully told and given death benefits. Homosexual soldiers fight every day beside them, in no less danger, but they cannot share the benefits with their family. If they die in the same manner, no one is respectfully told, and the spouse gets no death benefit - not even the benefit of their pain and loss being recognized by this great country they were fighting for. I am sad that they have to feel so much less of a person while devoting their lives to the very same country. This is simple inequality and bias. It's not onstitutional.
And your argument is about showers? If all rules are plain and apply - no fraternizing, no sex, and no harassment among any soldiers - then I do not see the issue. It applies to everyone. If the rules are followed, there no problems other than the ones some self righteous and self important soldier might make for themselves in their own mind.
For the Full article and video, plus all the fun and not-so-fun comments: http://bit.ly/ciK8sV
There are such bigger issues inside the smaller ones, and my fear – my true, roaring fear is that this world is becoming unknown to me. What made sense once is gone, and logic is out the window. We’re all becoming pawns for other people’s agendas, and I’m learning that these other people are idiots and assholes. Time in this world is limited, and we need to do the best we can for everyone in it. I’m losing patience with intolerance. I am tired of people screaming that Gays can’t get equal (or “special”, as some call them) rights, because then people would be getting married to farm animals and aliens. Farm animals? C'mon! Lemme tell you, I sometimes wonder if it’d be easier to marry an alien but immigration has taught me otherwise! ;) Stop equating consensual love to bestiality or sex with an unwilling – unknowing - unable to protest animal. When someone tells you to "Go fuck a goat!" it's just slang for "Fuck off!" so please, if you are taking it literally, walk away from the poor thing. Why can’t we focus on what makes us all happy, and allow everyone to experience it. Historically, we’ve overcome the exact same bias of letting interracial couples marry, foreign people of different cultures marry, and people of opposing religions marry. So far, the world did not explode, and it has only expanded our human capacity for compassion and understanding, not to mention love. How is this any different? It’s not. So pull yer heads from yer arseholes and let’s focus on harder things – like how to get gum out of your hair or candle wax out of your mom’s favorite tablecloth after a family dinner!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
This Haiku Blows
A great post as always, Brent captures both the potential good and bad of this film. The understated performance of Depp is dead on. The angst of watching his character play over the same life lesson mistakes without learning is heart crushing, especially when you see how much of life is lost while trying not to live your parent's life.
So now, the haiku for BLOW~
much to consider
to condemn or sympathize
his travels of life
Check out the original post at Brent's
Blow
So now, the haiku for BLOW~
much to consider
to condemn or sympathize
his travels of life
Check out the original post at Brent's
Blow
Friday, September 10, 2010
I'm not the one
I'm not the one who
gives the awesome belly rubs
but she lets me live
-to Alice, who misses her mummy, but allows me to live... for now.
gives the awesome belly rubs
but she lets me live
-to Alice, who misses her mummy, but allows me to live... for now.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Witnessing De-Americanization
If you are anything like me, you know how disheartening it is to be bombarded day after day by snippets on the news, twitter links, editorials, and the general course of discussions at the water cooler. Right now, I am listening to all sides arguing the big TERRY JONES hoopla. May I please say that our only hope to exist peacefully as the free nation we purport to be, is to remember that we are founded on the basis of tolerance.
The simple truth?
As a country, we have lost our way. Groups rally around a common idea and instead of celebrating that idea, they attack others who do not share it.
Religion and Government are twisted up in an incestuous dance, and it's time to untangle that. People in this country are forgetting the main attributes of any peaceful, free, and upstanding society - we have rights as human beings, and we have rights bestowed upon us by elected officials. We need to remember that as a tolerant nation, we MUST allow EVERYONE the freedom to feel, worship, dance, learn, and every other thing AS WE SEE FIT for ourselves, WITHIN the confines of public safety and the concept of harming no fellow humans or our earth.
It's important to put ourselves in the position of other people at all times. If I were a Christian, I should be thinking about what it would be like to be of Muslim faith, or Jewish faith, or even an Atheist. These perspectives should ground us, and remind us to be tolerant and respectful of all other beliefs. Don't like Hip-Hop? Another person might not like yyour Frank Sinatra albums. This does not mean you are not both the same at your fundamental core. You need to eat, breathe, sleep, and search for happiness.
I will stop the preachy tone now. It's not my style - but this buisness of burning to Koran and the intolerance surrounding the mosque in NYC has me so worried about the future of our country and our planet. We have to be aware that our action ripple out and impact others. One book burned in this case could be enough hatred to inspire retribution attacks that will fan the flames for further hatred and violence. Why a man in this country feels the need to burn a book that he holds no belief in, to incite those who hold it dear as he would his own bible, baffles me. Why can he not see this? What would he feel if the roles were reversed and a small church not affiliated with any others decided to burn bins of bibles? There would be an uproar. Why should we not expect this? My hope is that those who follow the Koran will have the stregnth and wisdom to see this stunt for what it is, and realize that more books can be printed, and to use their tolerance to defy this act, rather than feeding the flames of hatred. This applies to all things - religion, gender, race, sexual orientation, your favorite color - etc. Accept that your preference for ANYTHING might not be shared by others, but it should be respected as you should respect theirs.
This is my hope. I'll leave you with some really great quotes, and wish all of you a peaceful, free, and interesting day, filled with questioning and tolerance. Namaste.
" I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
- Voltaire
"As fallible humans, we usually slip too far over one edge or the other - all wrath and judgment or all grace and love."
— Eric Wilson
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land--every color, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike--all snored in the same language."
— Malcolm X
"There's bad apples in whatever way you want to group people - doesn't matter if it's religious, political or social. The big mistake is generalizing."
— Charles de Lint
"To extend religious freedom to people of all religious traditions, even though you may well disagree with their beliefs and/or practices. Having tolerance toward another religion does not require you to endorse that faith group's beliefs; it simply indicates your respect for its right to exist and for its member to hold different beliefs without being oppressed."
— www.religioustolerance.org
"It is now no more that toleration is spoken of, as if it was by the indulgence of one class of people, that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights. For happily the government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction - to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens."
— George Washington
The simple truth?
As a country, we have lost our way. Groups rally around a common idea and instead of celebrating that idea, they attack others who do not share it.
Religion and Government are twisted up in an incestuous dance, and it's time to untangle that. People in this country are forgetting the main attributes of any peaceful, free, and upstanding society - we have rights as human beings, and we have rights bestowed upon us by elected officials. We need to remember that as a tolerant nation, we MUST allow EVERYONE the freedom to feel, worship, dance, learn, and every other thing AS WE SEE FIT for ourselves, WITHIN the confines of public safety and the concept of harming no fellow humans or our earth.
It's important to put ourselves in the position of other people at all times. If I were a Christian, I should be thinking about what it would be like to be of Muslim faith, or Jewish faith, or even an Atheist. These perspectives should ground us, and remind us to be tolerant and respectful of all other beliefs. Don't like Hip-Hop? Another person might not like yyour Frank Sinatra albums. This does not mean you are not both the same at your fundamental core. You need to eat, breathe, sleep, and search for happiness.
I will stop the preachy tone now. It's not my style - but this buisness of burning to Koran and the intolerance surrounding the mosque in NYC has me so worried about the future of our country and our planet. We have to be aware that our action ripple out and impact others. One book burned in this case could be enough hatred to inspire retribution attacks that will fan the flames for further hatred and violence. Why a man in this country feels the need to burn a book that he holds no belief in, to incite those who hold it dear as he would his own bible, baffles me. Why can he not see this? What would he feel if the roles were reversed and a small church not affiliated with any others decided to burn bins of bibles? There would be an uproar. Why should we not expect this? My hope is that those who follow the Koran will have the stregnth and wisdom to see this stunt for what it is, and realize that more books can be printed, and to use their tolerance to defy this act, rather than feeding the flames of hatred. This applies to all things - religion, gender, race, sexual orientation, your favorite color - etc. Accept that your preference for ANYTHING might not be shared by others, but it should be respected as you should respect theirs.
This is my hope. I'll leave you with some really great quotes, and wish all of you a peaceful, free, and interesting day, filled with questioning and tolerance. Namaste.
" I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
- Voltaire
"As fallible humans, we usually slip too far over one edge or the other - all wrath and judgment or all grace and love."
— Eric Wilson
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land--every color, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike--all snored in the same language."
— Malcolm X
"There's bad apples in whatever way you want to group people - doesn't matter if it's religious, political or social. The big mistake is generalizing."
— Charles de Lint
"To extend religious freedom to people of all religious traditions, even though you may well disagree with their beliefs and/or practices. Having tolerance toward another religion does not require you to endorse that faith group's beliefs; it simply indicates your respect for its right to exist and for its member to hold different beliefs without being oppressed."
— www.religioustolerance.org
"It is now no more that toleration is spoken of, as if it was by the indulgence of one class of people, that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights. For happily the government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction - to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens."
— George Washington
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Professionally Portman
As many of you know, SheSquared decided to team up with our sexy man-beast of a friend Brent over at Criminal Movies to do a 'lil something special for you. Criminal Movies is a blog Brent dedicates to breaking down and analyzing some of the best movies out there, and more specifically really talking about anti-heroes and the "roles" they play within the movies. Our fine asses have decided to give a little commentary about Brent's assessments, and offer up a deep (or not-so-deep) Haiku pertaining to the chosen movie and/or write up. Sound good? We thought so too! Without further ado - a haiku.
thought it'd be just bleach
then young Portman's cleaning brought
statutory lust
Ok, maybe the Haikus will have a little focus on hot chicks, but who's complaining?
See Brent's Full write up:
The Professional
thought it'd be just bleach
then young Portman's cleaning brought
statutory lust
Ok, maybe the Haikus will have a little focus on hot chicks, but who's complaining?
See Brent's Full write up:
The Professional
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Haiku about not posting everything you see
Keeping my mouth shut
is sometimes the hardest thing
but I need this job
is sometimes the hardest thing
but I need this job
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
A Letter to a Senator
Dear Senator Gillibrand:
I would first like to thank you for your positions on...well, almost everything frankly! You are willing to stand up for those without a voice, to stand strong in the face of adversity and ignorant tirades, and to stick at it when it seems that all is lost. For these reasons, you have my staunch admiration and support.
With that said, I would like to encourage you to support the Uniting American Families Act (S.1328). I understand that at this point in a very polar-opposite nation, that it may not make the cut for the comprehensive immigration reform battle, and while I find it disappointing, it is not a shock. That said, I would love to hear that you have chosen to become a co-sponsor of that act, supporting those of us who have no legal recourse in a broken system. Even as a standalone act, my partner and I would have a greater chance of staying together than we do now.
Barbara and I have been together for 5 years, and civil unioned (although I personally say married) for 2 months. I left my native Britain to be here with her, finding any legal means necessary. I started on an F1 visa, which then merged into the F1-OPT. I was lucky enough in this economy to find a sponsoring job in my field, and am currently on an H-1B visa. If the Uniting American Families Act were passed, we would not have had to jump through these hoops, and she could simply have sponsored me to be here with her in the same way that any other, heterosexual couple in love can.
As it stands now, I live in fear that I may lose my job, thus losing my visa status and being ripped away from the family that we have built. For this reason, I am going to Ethiopia to work as a contractor for the World Bank in the hopes that, when I return, it will be on an L1 visa (don't you just love the alphabet soup of the immigration system? I'm unfortunately more familiar with it than I would like), with the aim of expediting my Green Card process, and eradicating my fears that I could be deported at the drop of a hat, or even at my company's whim.
That last paragraph boils down to a very confusing sentence: in order to be in this country with my family, I am traveling to a third world country, because it's easier than staying here and hoping for the best.
Again, I urge you. If this issue comes across your desk in the near future, I hope you will think of me and my family, and help us stay together. Please.
With my respect,
Lisa (One half of SheSquared)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Warning - Political Post
***CAUTION*** ***Political Ranting Ahead***
From time to time in this space, I choose to discuss or call out things that are ridiculous to me in the realm of politics, social issues, or other such nonsense. Today, I want to discuss a serious issue I have with the country I love, live in, and try to respect.
It’s getting harder and harder to discern good from bad, honest from shyster, left from right, and all other manner of orientation. My balance is off whenever I put on the television, and I flat out fall over into a warp of anti-gravity if the channel hits Fox news.
Allow me to take up an issue that is heated in the news right now, and as all things in this blog, it’s my opinion, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The “mosque at ground zero, built by and using money that funds terrorists that led the attacks on that day” mess. Can we be real about this? Can I break this down for you all? First issue I have is that it’s a Muslim cultural center, not a mosque. Second issue, it’s not AT ground zero, but several blocks away. Third issue, there is no way to see what money is used, but I am pretty certain that if it were terrorists building it, the government would have figured this out by now.
More troubling are the grumblings from people about how unfair it is since “you can’t go build a Christian church in their country”. Very true. The reason? The USA is founded on freedoms. These freedoms are supposed to include the right to practice any religion. I was proud to hear our President Obama defend this right, even in the face of the uproar and it being an unpopular opinion. It’s religious freedom that sets us so far apart from other countries. If we succumb to the pressure to deny these Muslim believers the right to build a place to gather, commune, and worship – we are NO BETTER than any other country denying these freedoms. If this happens, what comes next? Will we give up on democracy entirely or perhaps only when it suits us?
In this country, you don’t have to agree or even like what someone else does or believes – but you HAVE to respect their right to do or believe it. In addition to the ‘mosque’ fiasco, this applies to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – what does it matter if the person who is fighting and giving up their life right next to you has a different sexual orientation? You are there for the same reasons, fighting for the same country and rights and freedoms – yet they don’t really have the same rights or freedoms as you do, even at the actual point of risking their lives to defend the idea. It’s hypocrisy at its worst. It’s right there with Marriage Equality. Again, you don’t have to agree with the beliefs or actions of others, but you have to respect their right to live life freely and equally with everyone else. Anything less, and this country is not the land of the free, home of the brave. What’s brave about denying rights to your equal human beings? What’s free about having to hide your life and love while others condemn you?
Try thinking on this a little today, while you observe other people, and your reactions to them. Every moment you encounter someone, you are making snap judgments and evaluations. Just remember that if things were different, or changes occurred, you could be the one denied the right to love who you want, make a family, fight for your country, or praise the god of your choice in the manner of your choosing. It's a thin line we walk to allow ourselves the luxury of thinking we are progressive enough to be equals. So far, this country is failing in this.
From time to time in this space, I choose to discuss or call out things that are ridiculous to me in the realm of politics, social issues, or other such nonsense. Today, I want to discuss a serious issue I have with the country I love, live in, and try to respect.
It’s getting harder and harder to discern good from bad, honest from shyster, left from right, and all other manner of orientation. My balance is off whenever I put on the television, and I flat out fall over into a warp of anti-gravity if the channel hits Fox news.
Allow me to take up an issue that is heated in the news right now, and as all things in this blog, it’s my opinion, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The “mosque at ground zero, built by and using money that funds terrorists that led the attacks on that day” mess. Can we be real about this? Can I break this down for you all? First issue I have is that it’s a Muslim cultural center, not a mosque. Second issue, it’s not AT ground zero, but several blocks away. Third issue, there is no way to see what money is used, but I am pretty certain that if it were terrorists building it, the government would have figured this out by now.
More troubling are the grumblings from people about how unfair it is since “you can’t go build a Christian church in their country”. Very true. The reason? The USA is founded on freedoms. These freedoms are supposed to include the right to practice any religion. I was proud to hear our President Obama defend this right, even in the face of the uproar and it being an unpopular opinion. It’s religious freedom that sets us so far apart from other countries. If we succumb to the pressure to deny these Muslim believers the right to build a place to gather, commune, and worship – we are NO BETTER than any other country denying these freedoms. If this happens, what comes next? Will we give up on democracy entirely or perhaps only when it suits us?
In this country, you don’t have to agree or even like what someone else does or believes – but you HAVE to respect their right to do or believe it. In addition to the ‘mosque’ fiasco, this applies to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – what does it matter if the person who is fighting and giving up their life right next to you has a different sexual orientation? You are there for the same reasons, fighting for the same country and rights and freedoms – yet they don’t really have the same rights or freedoms as you do, even at the actual point of risking their lives to defend the idea. It’s hypocrisy at its worst. It’s right there with Marriage Equality. Again, you don’t have to agree with the beliefs or actions of others, but you have to respect their right to live life freely and equally with everyone else. Anything less, and this country is not the land of the free, home of the brave. What’s brave about denying rights to your equal human beings? What’s free about having to hide your life and love while others condemn you?
Try thinking on this a little today, while you observe other people, and your reactions to them. Every moment you encounter someone, you are making snap judgments and evaluations. Just remember that if things were different, or changes occurred, you could be the one denied the right to love who you want, make a family, fight for your country, or praise the god of your choice in the manner of your choosing. It's a thin line we walk to allow ourselves the luxury of thinking we are progressive enough to be equals. So far, this country is failing in this.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Haiku 2 - Lilith Fair Women- Part 1
Mullets and mom jeans
Spill out from the Lilith Fair
Dykes who just gave up
Spill out from the Lilith Fair
Dykes who just gave up
Monday, August 2, 2010
Haiku For You?
Ok, I'm going to start some random new things on this blog. I was getting serious and heavy, but I want to balance it with the light. So, one thing I shall attempt is haiku for you. Some will be serious, others not. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or submit your own haikus to me via the shemail link on our blog. If we like it, and if Captain Alice lets us, we'll post up one a week.
So, I'll start us off.
Shed your vanity
If your mind can attribute
This haiku for you
So, I'll start us off.
Shed your vanity
If your mind can attribute
This haiku for you
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Vow Wows
Namaste!! After a wicked amount of requests, Lisa and I have agreed to post the vows we exchanged last week for you all on the blog. We are not posting the video capture publicly, so if you want the link to see it, please contact us personally or leave a comment.
As many of you are aware, I'm all about freedom of speech, expression, and having unfettered equality, so I say this before it goes ANY further -
If you have issues with SSM or CU's, then you need go no further, and please refrain from negative commenting, as it will simply be deleted.
If you like the vows and want to use them or some capacity please feel free. They are my own adaptation from a personal wedding ceremony by Lama Thubten Yeshea traditional lama.
We invoke the "No Thelma Thursday" rule. If it's Thursday, and you're name is Thelma - your laptop will self destruct in fifteen seconds.
On this note, Please enjoy!
Barbara and Lisa's Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
Rev Hatton: “Barbara and Lisa, in the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning. Difficult times will come as surely as the night. When things go joyously, find peace within yourselves. When things go badly, find that same peace. To say the words "love and compassion" is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy. With this in mind, is it your intention to continue this journey together?”
“It Is”
Buddhist Wedding Prayer
Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
Lama Thubten Yeshe
Vows
Barbara and Lisa, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life; and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“We do”
Do you pledge to see all difficult circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other; and to generate compassion for others who are suffering? Do you pledge to avoid becoming closed or opinionated, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?
“We do”
Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and joy?
“We do”
Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“We do”
When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness and joy that you met and shared what you have, and acceptance that we cannot hold on to anything forever?
“We do”
Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself?
“We do”
Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and attachment and instead focus on the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to work together for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?
“We do”
Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, knowing that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your teachers not to become discouraged?
“We do”
Do you pledge to continuously strive to remember your own Buddha nature, as well as the Buddha nature of all living beings? To maintain the awareness that all things are temporary, and to remain optimistic that you can achieve your greatest potential and lasting happiness.
“We do”
Exchanging of Rings
Rev Hatton: “These rings are the outward and visible symbols of the inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in partnership.”
Barbara: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Lisa: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Pronouncement
Rev Hatton: “By the power vested in me through the wishes of Barbara and Lisa, as well as the blessing of the lineage of their Spiritual Friends, I now pronounce you Loving Wives.” (Brides kiss)
Rev Hatton: “Namaste!”
Presenting and Congratulating the Couple
Rev Hatton: “May I present and congratulate Barbara and Lisa. May the world now see in this unity evidence of your connection, which previously existed only between your hearts.”
As many of you are aware, I'm all about freedom of speech, expression, and having unfettered equality, so I say this before it goes ANY further -
If you have issues with SSM or CU's, then you need go no further, and please refrain from negative commenting, as it will simply be deleted.
If you like the vows and want to use them or some capacity please feel free. They are my own adaptation from a personal wedding ceremony by Lama Thubten Yeshea traditional lama.
We invoke the "No Thelma Thursday" rule. If it's Thursday, and you're name is Thelma - your laptop will self destruct in fifteen seconds.
On this note, Please enjoy!
Barbara and Lisa's Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
Rev Hatton: “Barbara and Lisa, in the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning. Difficult times will come as surely as the night. When things go joyously, find peace within yourselves. When things go badly, find that same peace. To say the words "love and compassion" is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy. With this in mind, is it your intention to continue this journey together?”
“It Is”
Buddhist Wedding Prayer
Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
Lama Thubten Yeshe
Vows
Barbara and Lisa, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life; and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“We do”
Do you pledge to see all difficult circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other; and to generate compassion for others who are suffering? Do you pledge to avoid becoming closed or opinionated, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?
“We do”
Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and joy?
“We do”
Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“We do”
When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness and joy that you met and shared what you have, and acceptance that we cannot hold on to anything forever?
“We do”
Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself?
“We do”
Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and attachment and instead focus on the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to work together for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?
“We do”
Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, knowing that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your teachers not to become discouraged?
“We do”
Do you pledge to continuously strive to remember your own Buddha nature, as well as the Buddha nature of all living beings? To maintain the awareness that all things are temporary, and to remain optimistic that you can achieve your greatest potential and lasting happiness.
“We do”
Exchanging of Rings
Rev Hatton: “These rings are the outward and visible symbols of the inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in partnership.”
Barbara: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Lisa: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Pronouncement
Rev Hatton: “By the power vested in me through the wishes of Barbara and Lisa, as well as the blessing of the lineage of their Spiritual Friends, I now pronounce you Loving Wives.” (Brides kiss)
Rev Hatton: “Namaste!”
Presenting and Congratulating the Couple
Rev Hatton: “May I present and congratulate Barbara and Lisa. May the world now see in this unity evidence of your connection, which previously existed only between your hearts.”
Friday, June 11, 2010
Pillow Talk
Last night, my poor sweetie had an awful time getting off to sleep, mostly because I kept entering random fits of hysterics. Not over nothing, mind you, but because she was being funny. At one point, we had the following conversation:
Her: The kitten has an evil plot to kill me.
Me: This is true, yes. She's decidedly wicked.
Her: Do you know what would happen if I died?
Me: What?
Her: Not only would you be a widow, but you'd also be a homeless immigrant!
Then she proceeded to giggle nonstop for about a half hour. So it wasn't entirely my fault. Of course, I had to get my own back, but I didn't realize an opportunity would present itself quite so quickly.
We have this clock in our bedroom:
That strange circular part at the back isn't a government periscope, as you might understandably suspect at first; instead it projects the digits up onto the ceiling, so you don't have to roll over to see what time it is. In related news, we had a power cut earlier in the week, and I had yet to reset the clock.
I turned to her and said,
Me: Honey, look, it's 5:55 (the time it was displaying on the ceiling)
Her: Umf? (looks up) Maybe it's upside down.
Take a small moment to ponder that.
I'll wait.
Right-Side Up
Upside Down
Her: The kitten has an evil plot to kill me.
Me: This is true, yes. She's decidedly wicked.
Her: Do you know what would happen if I died?
Me: What?
Her: Not only would you be a widow, but you'd also be a homeless immigrant!
Then she proceeded to giggle nonstop for about a half hour. So it wasn't entirely my fault. Of course, I had to get my own back, but I didn't realize an opportunity would present itself quite so quickly.
We have this clock in our bedroom:
That strange circular part at the back isn't a government periscope, as you might understandably suspect at first; instead it projects the digits up onto the ceiling, so you don't have to roll over to see what time it is. In related news, we had a power cut earlier in the week, and I had yet to reset the clock.
I turned to her and said,
Me: Honey, look, it's 5:55 (the time it was displaying on the ceiling)
Her: Umf? (looks up) Maybe it's upside down.
Take a small moment to ponder that.
I'll wait.
Right-Side Up
Upside Down
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Lost in Translation
I love listening to two of my colleagues converse. They're both from the former Soviet Union, and it's just much easier for them to discuss problems in Russian than English. So we can all just be sitting there working when the room is suddenly filled with Russki dulcet tones.
Of course, in our business, not everything is translatable. So I will often hear (and no disrespect to any Russians, but I can't think of how else to write this):
Каков IP address?
and
Только Select выбор и поместите это в Cursor.
I find it all very amusing, and it reminds me of a time long ago, where I sat in a German movie theater to watch Independence Day for the first time. In German. I didn't understand a great deal of it at the time (although given its genre, most of the words were unnecessary), but what sticks out in my mind is the random utterances of "Mr President," "Big Mama," and "Independence Day" thrust into a slew of guttural vocabulary.
I've still never seen that in English.
Of course, in our business, not everything is translatable. So I will often hear (and no disrespect to any Russians, but I can't think of how else to write this):
Каков IP address?
and
Только Select выбор и поместите это в Cursor.
I find it all very amusing, and it reminds me of a time long ago, where I sat in a German movie theater to watch Independence Day for the first time. In German. I didn't understand a great deal of it at the time (although given its genre, most of the words were unnecessary), but what sticks out in my mind is the random utterances of "Mr President," "Big Mama," and "Independence Day" thrust into a slew of guttural vocabulary.
I've still never seen that in English.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Feminism is the new L word
In a conversation with a very male co-worker...
T: Yeah, the first time I went to college, I just didn't care at all. I just wanted to get wasted with my friends, so I didn't bother with course selection and ended up with some really crappy courses. I took Women's Studies one semester.
Me: Women's Studies? You?
T: Yeah. At first, I thought it was going to be great because my instructor was cute, but then it turned out she was a huge...
*pauses to look at me uncomfortably*
Me: What, T? She was a huge what?
T: Erm...Feminist?
*uncomfortable silence*
T: I sucked at that class.
T: Yeah, the first time I went to college, I just didn't care at all. I just wanted to get wasted with my friends, so I didn't bother with course selection and ended up with some really crappy courses. I took Women's Studies one semester.
Me: Women's Studies? You?
T: Yeah. At first, I thought it was going to be great because my instructor was cute, but then it turned out she was a huge...
*pauses to look at me uncomfortably*
Me: What, T? She was a huge what?
T: Erm...Feminist?
*uncomfortable silence*
T: I sucked at that class.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A Flurry, a Smattering, or a Downright Blizzard?
Today has been a day full of emotions, and I'm not really coherent enough to discuss them, but I need to lay them out because if I don't, they will eat me from the inside out, and I'll wake up in an ice bath.
I have issues with noise, which I probably attribute to my ADD. If there's too much going on around me, then the blood starts rushing around my head and makes me dizzy and irritable. So began our morning.
As I write this, the TV is on in the other room, the dishwasher just started up, and the roommate is making himself dinner. I blame this on nobody but myself, but my mental state just can't handle all the different things occurring, none of which require my attention, but all of which demand it.
Today was our beloved niece's birthday, and being as ill-prepared as I ever am (ok, I'm actually going to legitimately blame this one on working 12 days straight, nearing 10 hours a day), we ran to a local store to purchase a befitting gift. We were probably in the store for no more than 10-15 minutes, but returned to this:
Yeah, someone just went ahead and etched a huge ole "X" into the side of the Mini. I hate this shit. I don't know if it was just pure random rage on someone's part, the rainbow flag hanging from the mirror, or the Immigration Equality sign in the footwell, but it pisses me off. And rest assured, if I'd caught him, he'd be swinging from his balls right now while I granted him the same treatment.
It just so happened that there was a policeman in the parking lot, so my sweetie beckoned him over, and he began his write-up. We left him to it, as we were already late by this time, and didn't want to be show-stealers or anything like that once we finally made it to the party.
The wee one is just gorgeous, and coming on in leaps and bounds. She's walking around all over the place, chomping down Jello, and while looking you straight in the eye and smiling sweetly, will declare "Bye", when she wants to be left alone. One of her moms' best friends was visiting from out of town, with the three small children she has been fostering with the intention to adopt. Their parents had huge drug problems, not to mention the domestic abuse going on: seemed Daddy liked to beat his wife and eldest son, K. Mommy was given the chance to get her children back if she left Daddy, but she decided he was more important. So Melissa has paperwork in to adopt these adorable kids: K is around 3, M is his little brother, and is about 2, and then there's the baby sister A, who is three weeks younger than our niece.
I spent almost the entire afternoon either distracting A from when Mommy was going out of the room, or chasing M around the house. K is very shy; he's probably the only one old enough to remember, even subconsciously, the life that came before what is now being dangled before him. He warms up eventually, though. Towards the end of our visit, K found the big sharp knife meant for cutting the birthday cake on the table, and had it in his hand when Mommy caught him and yelled.
Oh my goodness, you've never seen a little boy have such a breakdown. And she's holding him and rocking with him on the sofa, and he's just shrieking. What really got me were the words she was whispering to him:
"I'm not going to hit you. I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, and that's why I shouted. I love you. I will always love you."
Yeah, that's pretty much the point at which I lost it. This tiny little family, Mommy doing it all on her own (and a DAMNED fine job, if I might add), and they just need her so much. It was heart-breaking.
Before we left, he was up and about again, shoving cake into my mouth with M, and giggling at my chomping on his fork, but I just wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him nobody was going to hurt him, ever again. I think they're going to be taking up space in my mind for quite a while to come.
I have issues with noise, which I probably attribute to my ADD. If there's too much going on around me, then
As I write this, the TV is on in the other room, the dishwasher just started up, and the roommate is making himself dinner. I blame this on nobody but myself, but my mental state just can't handle all the different things occurring, none of which require my attention, but all of which demand it.
Today was our beloved niece's birthday, and being as ill-prepared as I ever am (ok, I'm actually going to legitimately blame this one on working 12 days straight, nearing 10 hours a day), we ran to a local store to purchase a befitting gift. We were probably in the store for no more than 10-15 minutes, but returned to this:
Yeah, someone just went ahead and etched a huge ole "X" into the side of the Mini. I hate this shit. I don't know if it was just pure random rage on someone's part, the rainbow flag hanging from the mirror, or the Immigration Equality sign in the footwell, but it pisses me off. And rest assured, if I'd caught him, he'd be swinging from his balls right now while I granted him the same treatment.
It just so happened that there was a policeman in the parking lot, so my sweetie beckoned him over, and he began his write-up. We left him to it, as we were already late by this time, and didn't want to be show-stealers or anything like that once we finally made it to the party.
The wee one is just gorgeous, and coming on in leaps and bounds. She's walking around all over the place, chomping down Jello, and while looking you straight in the eye and smiling sweetly, will declare "Bye", when she wants to be left alone. One of her moms' best friends was visiting from out of town, with the three small children she has been fostering with the intention to adopt. Their parents had huge drug problems, not to mention the domestic abuse going on: seemed Daddy liked to beat his wife and eldest son, K. Mommy was given the chance to get her children back if she left Daddy, but she decided he was more important. So Melissa has paperwork in to adopt these adorable kids: K is around 3, M is his little brother, and is about 2, and then there's the baby sister A, who is three weeks younger than our niece.
I spent almost the entire afternoon either distracting A from when Mommy was going out of the room, or chasing M around the house. K is very shy; he's probably the only one old enough to remember, even subconsciously, the life that came before what is now being dangled before him. He warms up eventually, though. Towards the end of our visit, K found the big sharp knife meant for cutting the birthday cake on the table, and had it in his hand when Mommy caught him and yelled.
Oh my goodness, you've never seen a little boy have such a breakdown. And she's holding him and rocking with him on the sofa, and he's just shrieking. What really got me were the words she was whispering to him:
"I'm not going to hit you. I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, and that's why I shouted. I love you. I will always love you."
Yeah, that's pretty much the point at which I lost it. This tiny little family, Mommy doing it all on her own (and a DAMNED fine job, if I might add), and they just need her so much. It was heart-breaking.
Before we left, he was up and about again, shoving cake into my mouth with M, and giggling at my chomping on his fork, but I just wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him nobody was going to hurt him, ever again. I think they're going to be taking up space in my mind for quite a while to come.
Monday, March 29, 2010
A mini clarification
I was on the phone with my father yesterday for a brief spell: nothing serious, just catching up on life, the universe, and everything in between, including a bizarre intellectualization of Lady Gaga and her capitalizing on the odd and obscure.
The ending note of the conversation: I had been telling my father of certain troubles that have been plaguing us of late.
Dad: "Do you need me to send some money your way, in the interim?
Me: "No thanks, Dad, I think we'll be ok."
Dad: "Oh good. I just bought you that Mini for Christmas!"
*pause to think*
Me: "Dad! That was a keychain!"
Dad: "Semantics, Daughter-Dear."
The ending note of the conversation: I had been telling my father of certain troubles that have been plaguing us of late.
Dad: "Do you need me to send some money your way, in the interim?
Me: "No thanks, Dad, I think we'll be ok."
Dad: "Oh good. I just bought you that Mini for Christmas!"
*pause to think*
Me: "Dad! That was a keychain!"
Dad: "Semantics, Daughter-Dear."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Once More, With Feeling
Again and Again I speak about the 'hotel' I work in. It's usually quips of the ridiculous that happen, or a triumphant event that really makes me proud of the job I do. I hope you enjoy that as much as I enjoy writing it, but this time I need to (surprise) rant.
Some of you know the predicament management has created within our small contingent of specialized workers. It's ugly, unfair, and downright immoral. We stood up for ourselves, however, and are fighting every step of the way for our livelihood.
Today, we took a few steps backwards, and we're again embattled in the fight for our basic needs and a fair contract. I can't go into details here (lest I Dooce myself) but I'd appreciate all the kind thoughts and encouragement you can spare - and perhaps if anyone knows a good labor relations attorney, that'd be even better. We are an army of five, so our funding is small.
Enough groveling. Thanks for the ear/shoulder/lap. Hear from you soon.
Some of you know the predicament management has created within our small contingent of specialized workers. It's ugly, unfair, and downright immoral. We stood up for ourselves, however, and are fighting every step of the way for our livelihood.
Today, we took a few steps backwards, and we're again embattled in the fight for our basic needs and a fair contract. I can't go into details here (lest I Dooce myself) but I'd appreciate all the kind thoughts and encouragement you can spare - and perhaps if anyone knows a good labor relations attorney, that'd be even better. We are an army of five, so our funding is small.
Enough groveling. Thanks for the ear/shoulder/lap. Hear from you soon.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Suck it HARD
Yep. That's all for today. Your job is to decipher.
Is it:
Advice?
Demand?
Plea?
Statement?
Descriptive?
Wish?
Other: ____________?
Yeah, I'm burnt from this week. I'll be in the city for a show tonight, so photos of the debauchery shall be posted. Have a great night, all.
Is it:
Advice?
Demand?
Plea?
Statement?
Descriptive?
Wish?
Other: ____________?
Yeah, I'm burnt from this week. I'll be in the city for a show tonight, so photos of the debauchery shall be posted. Have a great night, all.
Friday, February 26, 2010
On A Roll
Ok, after writing that last post, I feel insanely happy and invigorated. Follow me here, it's related -
No matter what's happened in the past, no matter what I can expect in the future, I am giggly and gobsmacked to have the most wonderful woman in the world with me.
Yep. It's insane, and I can't express what an amazing feeling it is to wake up every day and think to myself - there is this freaky English chippy, right next to me. She knows all my secrets - the worst I've done, the best I've tried for, my failures and my success, the horrible me and the not as horrible me - and she knows and loves me for it all. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear, and it is a freedom I have never felt in my life.
I wish it for each and every person who stumbles across our humble blog.
Ok, I now return you to our regular types of blog posts, filled with amusement, random thoughts and observations, and likely - talk about excrement.
For putting up with my last 2 soppy posts, here's a picture:
No matter what's happened in the past, no matter what I can expect in the future, I am giggly and gobsmacked to have the most wonderful woman in the world with me.
Yep. It's insane, and I can't express what an amazing feeling it is to wake up every day and think to myself - there is this freaky English chippy, right next to me. She knows all my secrets - the worst I've done, the best I've tried for, my failures and my success, the horrible me and the not as horrible me - and she knows and loves me for it all. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear, and it is a freedom I have never felt in my life.
I wish it for each and every person who stumbles across our humble blog.
Ok, I now return you to our regular types of blog posts, filled with amusement, random thoughts and observations, and likely - talk about excrement.
For putting up with my last 2 soppy posts, here's a picture:
Apologies to the Past, with grateful tones and love to the future.
*warning - I am on an emotional sop kick atm. Read if you want, but I wrote it for myself.*
Today was one of those days: snowing hard, working the late shift in the "hotel", and with very few officers in the department today, there was a lot of time where my brain wandered. Oh fuck it, it packed a hobo bag and jumped a train without a destination.
It went to a very odd place, and I told Lisa about it when she brought me some coffee at HQ. I have NO clue what I did to deserve this woman, but I do not take it for granted and I have spent the better part of five years trying to be certain that I never do. Anywhoodle, in the freakish mindset I was in, it wandered to times and days that were less than stellar for me. I wasn't perseverating on the horrible things that happened to me in the past, but rather, the people in my past whom I've either wronged, not exactly righted, or who believe I wronged them in some way even if I am not aware of what transpired. Some of these people have blotted me from their lives, some are on the periphery where they exist but will not reach out or reach back if I do, and some are in my life again.
I found a few of these people (boredom combined with resources and detective/research skills = the ability to locate just about anyone on the planet). I was even able to locate a recent photo of one of the people, and she looks great - happy, healthy, and just as I remember her. It saddened me that something went so horribly wrong that I was eliminated from their life without a second thought. It really hurt. I felt like it wasn't right. then I took some of the time I was using to search and feel this way to realize that it doesn't matter a good goddamn what I think or feel about it. The only thing that matters is their reasoning. While I thought for a good number of years that I had grown a great deal, and that I had really come a long way mentally, emotionally, and physically - I was still hung up in a "But that's not fair! Why won't they talk to me and just work it out like adults!!?? Move on and be grateful that we're all alove and living happily??" Right there in my face was a huge stumbling block that kept me from being the strong and fair minded, compassionate and loving Buddhist that I believed I was. i was so focused on how I felt about it that I didn't think - "Well, maybe it's better for THEM to hate me. Maybe it makes whatever easier on them." That's the key.
I hate when I'm a moron and it takes a day like this to help me see something so basic and simple. I'm glad i did though. So, a shout out to a few of the wonderful people who were a part of my life in some way, and who have chosen to go a different path. It's sad in a way for me, because I could see such amazing relationships with some of these people, especially now that I know who and what I am in this world. I can only thank them for helping to create a part of me in the time that I knew them.
Thanks Carolyn, K, J, and R, Kathy, Alanna, Elzabeth, and a huge loving thank you to Barbara - You didn't leave by choice, but your death has always been one of the greatest losses I suffered in this world. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I carry you with me every day, and all of the lessons we learned together. Namaste, my love.
Huge love and thanks to all of my friends and family now. You all know who you are, and I am grateful to have you all, in all the countries and places you are - you dwell most in my heart. Not the least of whom is my love and fellow zombie-killing, meditation-chanting, clumsy-walking love. Thanks Gazelle. :) I'm glad you know me at this time in my life, when I have so much to give back to you.
Today was one of those days: snowing hard, working the late shift in the "hotel", and with very few officers in the department today, there was a lot of time where my brain wandered. Oh fuck it, it packed a hobo bag and jumped a train without a destination.
It went to a very odd place, and I told Lisa about it when she brought me some coffee at HQ. I have NO clue what I did to deserve this woman, but I do not take it for granted and I have spent the better part of five years trying to be certain that I never do. Anywhoodle, in the freakish mindset I was in, it wandered to times and days that were less than stellar for me. I wasn't perseverating on the horrible things that happened to me in the past, but rather, the people in my past whom I've either wronged, not exactly righted, or who believe I wronged them in some way even if I am not aware of what transpired. Some of these people have blotted me from their lives, some are on the periphery where they exist but will not reach out or reach back if I do, and some are in my life again.
I found a few of these people (boredom combined with resources and detective/research skills = the ability to locate just about anyone on the planet). I was even able to locate a recent photo of one of the people, and she looks great - happy, healthy, and just as I remember her. It saddened me that something went so horribly wrong that I was eliminated from their life without a second thought. It really hurt. I felt like it wasn't right. then I took some of the time I was using to search and feel this way to realize that it doesn't matter a good goddamn what I think or feel about it. The only thing that matters is their reasoning. While I thought for a good number of years that I had grown a great deal, and that I had really come a long way mentally, emotionally, and physically - I was still hung up in a "But that's not fair! Why won't they talk to me and just work it out like adults!!?? Move on and be grateful that we're all alove and living happily??" Right there in my face was a huge stumbling block that kept me from being the strong and fair minded, compassionate and loving Buddhist that I believed I was. i was so focused on how I felt about it that I didn't think - "Well, maybe it's better for THEM to hate me. Maybe it makes whatever easier on them." That's the key.
I hate when I'm a moron and it takes a day like this to help me see something so basic and simple. I'm glad i did though. So, a shout out to a few of the wonderful people who were a part of my life in some way, and who have chosen to go a different path. It's sad in a way for me, because I could see such amazing relationships with some of these people, especially now that I know who and what I am in this world. I can only thank them for helping to create a part of me in the time that I knew them.
Thanks Carolyn, K, J, and R, Kathy, Alanna, Elzabeth, and a huge loving thank you to Barbara - You didn't leave by choice, but your death has always been one of the greatest losses I suffered in this world. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I carry you with me every day, and all of the lessons we learned together. Namaste, my love.
Huge love and thanks to all of my friends and family now. You all know who you are, and I am grateful to have you all, in all the countries and places you are - you dwell most in my heart. Not the least of whom is my love and fellow zombie-killing, meditation-chanting, clumsy-walking love. Thanks Gazelle. :) I'm glad you know me at this time in my life, when I have so much to give back to you.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Enjoyment
Yesterday, I deviated from my norm of shake-taking (this is an area reserved for a whole post of its own; for now, I shall leave it alone), and decided to do lunch with the work guys. We went to Chick-Fil-A and I grabbed a salad. Fascinating so far, right?
Anyway, the point of this lead-in is the conversation I had with the check-out guy. Is that what they're called? Check-out guys? Order-Taker? Remover-of-Finances?
Guy: Nice accent.
Me: Well thank you. I was born with it, so I can't really take much credit.
Guy: I enjoy it very much.
Enjoy? Seriously? Like, I could have dealt with. Even love. But enjoy...? I had sudden visions of him not being able to contain himself any longer, and that not being ranch dressing on my salad.
In this case, I happen to think the job title 'Creepazoid' fits him quite nicely.
Anyway, the point of this lead-in is the conversation I had with the check-out guy. Is that what they're called? Check-out guys? Order-Taker? Remover-of-Finances?
Guy: Nice accent.
Me: Well thank you. I was born with it, so I can't really take much credit.
Guy: I enjoy it very much.
Enjoy? Seriously? Like, I could have dealt with. Even love. But enjoy...? I had sudden visions of him not being able to contain himself any longer, and that not being ranch dressing on my salad.
In this case, I happen to think the job title 'Creepazoid' fits him quite nicely.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Ok, with head low and spirits shot
Another fantabulous holiday season, brought to me by my incomprehensible guilt and empathy for other people. I just need to throw this question out to the cyber world and hope I get some half intelligent responses. Let's see.
**Keep in Mind, I will NOT give personal details about this person. I will respect his privacy the best I can.**
How do you help someone who protests that they DO NOT WANT help?
Before you say something snarky like "You don't" or "Why bother" - the complication comes in a few layers. For instance - I adore this person. They've been a best friend to me for about 6+ years now. I would've trusted him with my life. He accepts me for who I am, and is supportive of and understanding about the various things that effect Lisa and I being together. We share a home and a mortgage together. I went into this knowing that I could trust him, and knowing that it would be an equal split all the way as things have been in the past.
He has festered in a bad place for as many years as I've known him now. When we met, I told him I'd help him get through it and move on with his life. That was 6+ years ago now, and although I may have tapered off how much enthusiasm I've put into supporting him and encouraging him to heal and move on, this has not happened to any degree in ALL of this time. I've spent so much of my own life feeling his despair and depression. I've fought through my own issues at the same time I continued to deal with his. You know how when someone you love is hurting and in such a bad place that it's transferred a lot to you? That's the way it is.
Things came to a head this week, and things were said and done that made him angry. Never once did I waver in my promise to be here for him, but I did say in no uncertain terms that the duration of this state of mind, and the unwillingness he has to change it is unacceptable. this brought us to an impasse, because rather than see what it's doing to him, his family, and his friends including me and our household - he is steadfast in his determination to suffer and demands to be left alone about it. I don't know if anyone reading this knows what it's like to live with someone in this state of mind, but it's almost as painful as if you were the one going through it all. I've been going through this for 6 years, all the while having this other side of me going through my own life, health, love, work and world issues. I'm torn in two, and yet he sees none of this, and I'm not the martyr to point it out - because that's not the point.
The point of this is to ask - HOW DO I CHANGE THIS?? How do you make someone care when they don't want to care about themselves?
I can't take much more, and I've already begun looking through apartment ads, because I'd rather give up the home I've put so much of myself and my heart into then continue to drain myself of all the good I once was.
**Keep in Mind, I will NOT give personal details about this person. I will respect his privacy the best I can.**
How do you help someone who protests that they DO NOT WANT help?
Before you say something snarky like "You don't" or "Why bother" - the complication comes in a few layers. For instance - I adore this person. They've been a best friend to me for about 6+ years now. I would've trusted him with my life. He accepts me for who I am, and is supportive of and understanding about the various things that effect Lisa and I being together. We share a home and a mortgage together. I went into this knowing that I could trust him, and knowing that it would be an equal split all the way as things have been in the past.
He has festered in a bad place for as many years as I've known him now. When we met, I told him I'd help him get through it and move on with his life. That was 6+ years ago now, and although I may have tapered off how much enthusiasm I've put into supporting him and encouraging him to heal and move on, this has not happened to any degree in ALL of this time. I've spent so much of my own life feeling his despair and depression. I've fought through my own issues at the same time I continued to deal with his. You know how when someone you love is hurting and in such a bad place that it's transferred a lot to you? That's the way it is.
Things came to a head this week, and things were said and done that made him angry. Never once did I waver in my promise to be here for him, but I did say in no uncertain terms that the duration of this state of mind, and the unwillingness he has to change it is unacceptable. this brought us to an impasse, because rather than see what it's doing to him, his family, and his friends including me and our household - he is steadfast in his determination to suffer and demands to be left alone about it. I don't know if anyone reading this knows what it's like to live with someone in this state of mind, but it's almost as painful as if you were the one going through it all. I've been going through this for 6 years, all the while having this other side of me going through my own life, health, love, work and world issues. I'm torn in two, and yet he sees none of this, and I'm not the martyr to point it out - because that's not the point.
The point of this is to ask - HOW DO I CHANGE THIS?? How do you make someone care when they don't want to care about themselves?
I can't take much more, and I've already begun looking through apartment ads, because I'd rather give up the home I've put so much of myself and my heart into then continue to drain myself of all the good I once was.
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