Department of Defense

Department Of Defense

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

Hardly!

I bring this message to you from a somewhat quieter than usual house of debauchery, as my beloved has gone away for a few days. This is the first time in three years that we'll have been sleeping apart, and it's a little strange. She is exploring the great white North. No, not that far. South a bit. A little further. Ok, now North a bit. East. East. You got it, right there.

On Friday night, we will be meeting up in the delightful little town of Mystic, CT. Our lives have honestly been a little too hectic to warrant much time for relaxation, so we're going to make the most of this nice little weekend away.

I don't have news for you, pets, that you don't already know. I got my visa - although I am still trying to summon up the courage to read through all the paperwork - so that's calming. We have a brand new car, Charlie the Mini Cooper Clubman. The kitten is her usual adorable, obnoxious self, and is feeling remarkably better than she's ever been. We are currently having Central Air installed in the house, finally, two years after we moved in, and that will be positively blissful.

I would actually like to take this opportunity to direct you towards a site that has me rolling on a regular basis. Momversation is an extremely amusing site running videos of 10 regular panelists, and a few guests thrown in once in a while. Each video has a designated topic, and the Mommies talk about their views on the subject. They just have such a way with words, and some of the expressions are priceless. It's not nice to have favorites, but I'm particularly partial to Heather, Alice, Mindy and Maggie.

Take a gander: you'll be glad you did. And remember, nuns are watching you.

Monday, June 22, 2009

One Step Closer

This afternoon, at approximately 1pm, I received word from my attorneys that my petition for H-1B status as a non-immigrant worker had been accepted. This is quite the weight off, my friends! As of October this year, my visa will kick in, lasting until September 2012. Hopefully at some point during the next three years, I can pull it all together enough to get my green card and finally, finally make an honest woman out of this here Yank I'm chained to!

OK, so it's an emotional time, and it's brought out the stoic Brit in me. So sue me! I'm so thrilled. So much money, and I'm just so glad it wasn't all for nothing. What a great way to celebrate our fourth anniversary together!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Hardcore Long time, eh?

And is she coming back with a bang? A flourish?

Nay. She's coming back with a video. A video that has nothing to do with us, but that I saw over at Mindy's site, and thought was really rather amusing. That's Brit for hilarious.

What it feels like to be told about a new sibling:




We'll be back soon, I promise. *smooches*

Monday, June 8, 2009

Just be thankful it's not a scratch and sniff post

It seems that I am a creature of sheer luck, and every time I utilize the facilities where I work, it is inevitable that a certain woman from another department will follow me in there. It can't be planned, I'm certain - but it boils down to this:

It's foul.

From the sounds, the odd intermittent noises, the grunts and sighs and noises that couldn't possibly emanate from a mouth - my conclusion was - that can't be human.

I've got a strong stomach, and I'm very good at holding the hair of a loved one whilst they vomit or partake of something similar. This, however, I cannot endure. I find myself gagging at the sounds - my mouth watering that ungodly amount that indicates "Look out, Bitches - you're gonna hurl!" If I can get past it - the battle's only half over.

I can't leave my stall - I'm trapped in my stall of hell. She saw me enter, and I am frozen in fear and horror - doomed to cower in there silently until the ordeal has finished.

Phase II begins immediately after, with the foulest odors one could imagine. I would prefer to stick my nose deep within the rotting intestinal cavity of a 3 week old corpse that had been in the trunk of a parked car sitting in the sun who's last meal consisted solely of vast amounts of cabbage.

I want to scream "Courtesy Flush Please!!!" but it's no secret who I am, and I'd only drool out the saliva in my mouth that is pooling there while trying not to vomit.

At this point I'm breathing through my mouth and trying not to drown from my watering mouth. Breathing through my nose is NOT an option. Fleeting images of random things pop into my head that further disgust me - 2 girls/1 cup; possible escape routes blocked by mounds of feces; hot dogs; opening the stall door and finding a sloth-like dragon in the stall who belches a little smoke and asks me to excuse her because she ate too many villagers and it upset her tummy.

Unfortunately, there is no polite dragon. Only the beast within the other stall. I finally hear a gurgling flush as the toilet struggles to take in the damage. The grunting continues as I imagine the poor soul/evil creature who did this is adjusting themselves in the stall. I hear flush number two, as the toilet sucks down much more fluidly than the first time. I can picture the possible marks left on the porcelain and I shudder.

Seconds drag and I finally hear the latch to the stall slide open and she strolls to the sinks while the toilet flushes for the third time. the main door opens and closes and there is silence. I grab my opportunity, and run from the stall and bathroom , down an opposite corridor, gulping fresh air as I run. I wait down the hall until I feel it's safe, and make my way back to my department, holding my breath as I hurried past the bathroom.

Why my timing is such that I endure this ritual at least 3 times in any given week, I'll never know.