Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

Hardly!

I bring this message to you from a somewhat quieter than usual house of debauchery, as my beloved has gone away for a few days. This is the first time in three years that we'll have been sleeping apart, and it's a little strange. She is exploring the great white North. No, not that far. South a bit. A little further. Ok, now North a bit. East. East. You got it, right there.

On Friday night, we will be meeting up in the delightful little town of Mystic, CT. Our lives have honestly been a little too hectic to warrant much time for relaxation, so we're going to make the most of this nice little weekend away.

I don't have news for you, pets, that you don't already know. I got my visa - although I am still trying to summon up the courage to read through all the paperwork - so that's calming. We have a brand new car, Charlie the Mini Cooper Clubman. The kitten is her usual adorable, obnoxious self, and is feeling remarkably better than she's ever been. We are currently having Central Air installed in the house, finally, two years after we moved in, and that will be positively blissful.

I would actually like to take this opportunity to direct you towards a site that has me rolling on a regular basis. Momversation is an extremely amusing site running videos of 10 regular panelists, and a few guests thrown in once in a while. Each video has a designated topic, and the Mommies talk about their views on the subject. They just have such a way with words, and some of the expressions are priceless. It's not nice to have favorites, but I'm particularly partial to Heather, Alice, Mindy and Maggie.

Take a gander: you'll be glad you did. And remember, nuns are watching you.

Avoidance is Key

Because we are still up to our ears in immigration and house-refinancing paperwork, I am merely going to share with you something in the spirit of misheard lyrics. It's something I've been pondering for a while now, because frankly, my ears aren't as young as they used to be (must be all the paperwork), and it's not uncommon to hear "That's what they were singing? No way!" in our house.

So today, I bring you Science Fiction: Double Feature , as heard by me for, well, ever.

Real Lyrics:
"And I really got hot
When I saw Janette Scott
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills"

My version of the Lyrics:
"And I really got hot
When I saw Janette Scott
Fighting to the death in fourteen inch heels"

Stupid Turkey!

It's that time of year, when we gather around the table to worship the poultrilicious offering that we enjoy shoveling stale bread up the ass of, cooking, then hacking into every November. After the food coma, some people hide away for the day, others begin to draw strategic maps and equip stealth outfits to sneak from the house early the next morning to slash and hack their way through the Black Friday sales. Still others will vegetate in front of the football games and Macy parades.

This year you will find Lisa, Pahee and myself upstairs in the house, rolling paint and primer and hammering the last few nails before the flooring goes in. By the afternoon, I will get dressed and head off to CoffeeLand where I will work the full closing shift. Joy. About the same time, Pahee and Lisa will set off to Newark to see Tina Turner in concert - Lisa's B-Day pressie to Pahee.

(and did any of you know that Ms Turner has a birthday today - 69 years old!! Cripes! I hope to have legs like that and a functioning brain at that age, let alone be able to shake my ass while belting out songs to thousands of people... I'll most likely be a drooling mess if Lisa hasn't had me euthanized by then.)

So, if you are inclined, stop in and grab a cup of coffee and chat with me. If not, enjoy your day everyone no matter what your plans. Turkey, to-furkey, or a hungry man meal - just be happy. I'm off to measure Alice... she might make a pleasant change from the traditional fare.


***Oh, and a quick story to pass along that our dear friend Lynn in NH has relayed to us a bunch of times - the turkeys on her brother in law's farm are completely stupid, and every year they lose a few to "natural accidents" - the look up to see what is hitting them in the head when it's raining, and many of them drown. Seriously. No joke. I feel less evil for eating them now.

Swinging From The Rafters

I can no longer see from the 2nd floor of my house down through the basement! That means the evil, huge, loathsome project is nearing an end.

Putting aside my insurmountable frustration over the whole thing, I'll update you on the happy details of the rooms being completely rocked and mudded and ready for paint as of today. I am striking a deal with the same contractor (the one who is doing the sheet rock, did the original shell and framing work, did the rough plumbing, and did all the plans in general and I should have just had do the entire job to keep things simple and calm - but NOOO I'm a megagooberidiot©) to finish the job with hardwood floors through the top level. If it's a go, this can be done very soon, and before Pahee leaves! That means everyone can be in their respective rooms and living comfortably now. that has been my bigger issue all along. I can't stand putting people out.

Hopefully this will all work out. If not, look for my resume at the bottom of the Hudson River.

Stay Back, it's Contagious

*cough* *splutter* *drags self to computer*

Good evening, one and all, and welcome to your scheduled weekly visit to She Squared. The management asks that you please remain seated, and at a safe distance, so as not to infect yourselves.

Yes, yes, we have man-flu. Both of us. All three of us, actually. Scott, not Alice! Oddly enough, "She who attracts every possible, and impossible disease" remains unaffected by the sinusitis and bronchitis that is slowly and noisily working its way around our house. Our house with no roof, I might add.





For anyone who tells you what an easy ride immigrants have of it, please refer them to their local pharmacy with a prescription and no insurance, which is where I spent Alice's college fund far too much money on antibiotics this morning. Then ask them, politely of course, to crawl into the nearest ditch and stay there.

On Disruption

"Alice! I know you are upset with the state of the house at this precise moment in time, but that is no excuse to be playing with one's poop."

A Done Deal

Last night I signed the contracts for the house renovations. Many, multiple, many mucho thousands of dollahs in a tiny check I signed with a hand shakier than when I signed the mortgage contract. This exact signature was why I started my second job at CoffeeLand in the first place. This loop o' the pen is why I can't sleep at night.

It's done now. I hope I've done the right thing, and I won't regret it down the road. As of next Thursday, let the demo begin!

*gnaws at fingers*

A Little Like Kibble

So, we have a really funny post to make some point in the not-so-distant future, about the crazy happenings that can happen, should you see fit to go to dinner with Kristine, Crystal, and Allie. I should be making it now, but the truth is, I'm still a little shaken from the events of this morning.

Nobody died, it's nothing serious, everybody's okay. There's my disclaimer.

This morning, my sweetie was outside grilling some chicken, and I was in the bedroom doing laundry, when I heard a dog barking. I went outside to investigate, and it turned out to be Villain, the dog who lives in the house that backs onto us. Villain's a beautiful tan Pitbull, only young. He's having a little ruff-ruff because Barbara's gone over to say hi to the neighbors. So I go over to join her, and he's still barking. Understandably. He's protecting his Mommy.

Anyway, the neighbor decides that, seeing as we're not going anywhere, it might be time to introduce us, so she opens the gate, and lets us into her back yard, where Villain is. He had a sniff around us both, a couple of ruffs, a few more sniffs, and then flung himself at my arm, teeth bared.

I will have quite the interesting bruise, and marks there, but I can honestly say it didn't hurt. Nobody even knew it had happened until Barbara and I came back in the house and I burst into tears. I guess it must have been shock. I've had dogs my entire life, and while I've always rough-and-tumbled with them, I've never been bitten in anger. Wait. I don't think Villain bit me in anger, per se, he was just protecting his Mommy, and I didn't want to get him in trouble. I've always preferred the company of animals over that of humans, and I can completely understand why he felt threatened. The size of his teeth, he could have done a lot more damage, if that had been his intention, and I really think it was just a warning. That doesn't mean I didn't spend half the day crying though. Wimp.

Next time, I shall shower with bacon, then maybe he'll let me in.

Housie Update

I figured calling it a "housie" would make it seem less daunting, maybe even kind of cute. Then I could even bring in rhyming - Housie Mousie, or the Housie Wousie with my Spousie.

Not working. It's still major construction project, and it's still stressful as all blogging hell.

So, we are waiting for the final permits to be, uh, permitted and then it begins. There was a glitch in the permit to give them the plans to get the permits. They called and said the survey was reduced. I was thrilled! Less money!? Nope. They meant the size of the paper that the survey was on had been reduced, and they couldn't accept the plans as they were. OK, to rectify the sitch, I had to come up with the original survey on the original paper. Not so easy when the only survey copy I got was the one in my mortgage packet which is bound and uniform, easy to read, but apparently the survey page was scanned and printed to fit and the town found this unacceptable. Asshats. OK. PANIC. I needed this to be approved yesterday and now there is a glitch.

So I call my mortgage guy. Yep. You heard me. He was the only person I could think of who could a) Tell me what I was looking for b) Tell me where I might find it c) Tell me what I could do if I can't find it. It couldn't be faxed because it would "alter the size in some way". OK, fine, but I can't crap the thing out of thin air and time is running out! Joe (hereafter referred to as Mortgage God; or MG and to be accompanied by the sound of choirs and angels with harps) found my survey info within seconds, scanned and emailed it to me in 3 different formats just in case one didn't work. It was again rejected by the town, because it was a scanned copy, and might not be to scale. OK. Now MG *insert angels and harps* jumps into super mode and finds the original survey company. He calls them himself and has them fax, mail and prepare a copy for me to pick up in person, since the place is semi-local. Luckily Lisa had time and she ran to get them. I handed them over to the contractor who would take them to the inspector himself to bitch about the commotion. When I opened the 'real' survey - it's the same fucking size as the faxed one, the scanned one, and the copies!!! I was seething!!!

So the main point is that we are back on track here, and I expect the call telling me to bring my checkbook and a waiver for my first born to get the permits-then construction begins in a week. All good and well, but none of this would be flowing right now if it weren't for the magnificent Joe Kustra of Quicken Loans. I linked him for a reason. Go visit him. People had told me that mortgages were evil things and buying a home would turn me grey and give me hemorrhoids. I was told I should just razor my wrists instead of dealing with the mortgage people, especially since I had never owned property or bought anything before. So, I looked around a lot, did research on companies, and listened to recommendations from friends and strangers. I went with Quicken, referred by the wonderful Lynn and Joe in NH. Joe actually does software creation or some technical designing thing with applications they use in the company so he must know if it's good, not to mention they use them too. The referral saved me $500 off the bat as a promotion they have if you are referred by someone. That was a bonus, and helped at closing. I can't say enough about how smoothly everything went. Joe Kustra was amazing, and he was there 24/7. He gave me his personal cell for any questions, and he always had the information at his fingertips. He answered all of my insane questions - even ones that had nothing to do with the house. "Boxers or Briefs Joe, I need to know." He had a great sense of humor, put up with my neurosis and made things so much easier. I hardly drugged myself to sleep during the process at all.

I recommend that anyone thinking of refinancing or buying, give him a call. At the very least, he can guide you and introduce himself. I think you'd be very happy with him. If I weren't such a huge queer, I'm sure I would have moved up there and made babies with this man. Now THAT'S a stamp of approval if I ever heard one. Don't forget to tell him that it's a friends and family referral from me to get that great deal.

On School and Excuses

I have had almost no time to devote to this blog since going back to school. I’d love to say it was out of sheer laziness, but I’ve actually been working really hard. I’m taking three classes right now that’ll be ending in four weeks. Then I start another two for the following eight weeks. It’s hectic, but honestly, I’m loving being back at school. Every day except for Wednesday, I get to hang out with my friends. And get paid for it. And get the opportunity to work hard on our schoolwork while we chat. It’s great, and oddly enough I missed it during my semester off. That said, if I hadn’t taken the semester off, I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much. It was definitely the right choice for my mental health!

Next Thursday I am going to an Oracle conference in New York City. I’m really excited about it, because it’s the big boys. The real deal. And I get to meet them, and converse, and learn from them. It’s going to be awesome. Plus, it’s in The City, and we all know how MUCH I hate NYC...

I’ve just put in my schedule for Session B to work, and all being well, I’ll cram my 19 hours into Tuesday and Thursday, with a couple on Wednesday afternoon. That’ll be nice, if I manage to pull it off.

In other news, we got a new fridge! OMG. We’re officially adults. And boring adults, at that, for getting excited over a new fridge (that we got at a bargain price, because of its tiny, unnoticeable dent!) Here’s the beautiful beast, in all his glory:



I think Alice is scared of it. But less so than the vacuum. I promise soon there will be exciting posts to come!