While sitting outside a local Starbucks, licking the very dregs from our “Lite” and tasty frozen beverages and pretending that they are certainly as sinful as the full-on sugary goodness of the regular ones, 2 guys walked out and down the sidewalk of the strip mall.
I observed them both and something struck me then… life would have been and would be so much easier if I were male. Ok, bear with me, as my logic sometimes feels like a young kid struggling to pull a Great Dane on a leash down the road. You know what that kid is doing, but you have NO IDEA how they might get there.
Back to the guys. I wear men’s shorts. I just do. I buy the majority of my clothes from the men’s sections and departments. They are more comfortable, and they are so much more practical. Cargos are the only way to go. C’mon – I don’t use a purse, so where else am I going to put my cell, car keys, my men’s wallet and the wadded up dollar bills? Pockets! When I looked around me after those guys passed us, I saw women wearing intolerable things. I don’t have an issue wearing what I wear, and I personally think I wear things pretty well. I get by and no one has asked me to leave somewhere based on my sense of fashion. My parents may have been tempted, but even they have held their tongue. I don’t typically dress as the lesbian fashion victim, but I admit to falling prey to some of the more “stereotypical” pitfalls, and men’s cargo shorts are it.
This got me thinking about how comfortable men’s fashion is, and I OF COURSE made the connection that their lives must be just as simple. It’s obvious. Ok, I’m not that stupid, but I was leaning toward that assumption when the other aspects of being male; or at least one of us being male, would make our lives immeasurably easier.
One of the biggest areas of irritation in our lives at the moment has been the impossibility of our having a relationship that is 100% equal to that of anyone else in this nation. Blah Blah Blah Blah Gay Marriage Blah Blah. I’m not going there in the way you might think. I’m not on a stage somewhere shoving my life down anyone else’s throat or up anyone else’s ass, for that matter. I know that there are a few states in the nation (2 out of 50?) that would allow us to marry and enjoy the same rights that my own parents, sister, friends and grandparents enjoyed. There are even a few places including my own state that would allow us a union of civility that would give us some rights. That sounds romantic, right? A union filled with civility. Who needs love and respect?
The problem we face is the Federal government. With citizenship being an issue, we cannot partake in even the minimal and pathetic charades a few states allow because the federal government won’t recognize it, and we therefore cannot be wife and wife. Why is this a big deal? Why can’t we just live happily without the paperwork of a marriage? This is because that paperwork prevents us from having a moment’s peace, and keeps us living day to day. Nothing is concrete, and there is no permanence. We want to begin a family, live our lives, and contribute to a better society and world. We can’t. Without those documents, I cannot have her on my health insurance at work. Without health insurance, we can’t think of having a child. Without papers, they can decide not to reissue a Visa at any time and force her to leave the country. Without papers, she cannot lawfully procure a full time job as the programmer she was born to be, and therefore not earn money in a partner/spousal capacity. Without papers, there is no solid ground under our feet.
Her sister called us the other day, and she announced that after a long term relationship with a bloke from Delaware, he proposed and they are getting married! They filled out the fiancé Visa paperwork, and once it is sent back to her, she can fly here, they get married, and she is issued a Green Card so she can begin to work and apply for citizenship. We are so thrilled for her and very excited that we’ll have some proper family living nearby finally.
What does this have to do with men’s shorts? Not much, but from what I gather, it’d be a lot easier for one of us to legitimately undergo the process of having a sex change, and then legally marry each other, thus granting citizenship based on a “true marriage”. The US would rather I surgically alter my sexual gender then marry the person I love as we are. Maybe they are on to something. If it's so wrong for the same gender to love, I'm glad to know I have surgical options to 'fix' that. Just look at Ann Coulter and Janet Reno; those boys make passable chicks. I will follow their leadership. That is SO hot. Too bad I really love being a woman. I vow to have the biggest penis money can buy. If I'm going Male, I'm doin' it full-on Ron Jeremy! Thanks President Bush! Thanks God!
Good thing cargos have that extra room in the crotch. Guess I’ll need it…
I observed them both and something struck me then… life would have been and would be so much easier if I were male. Ok, bear with me, as my logic sometimes feels like a young kid struggling to pull a Great Dane on a leash down the road. You know what that kid is doing, but you have NO IDEA how they might get there.
Back to the guys. I wear men’s shorts. I just do. I buy the majority of my clothes from the men’s sections and departments. They are more comfortable, and they are so much more practical. Cargos are the only way to go. C’mon – I don’t use a purse, so where else am I going to put my cell, car keys, my men’s wallet and the wadded up dollar bills? Pockets! When I looked around me after those guys passed us, I saw women wearing intolerable things. I don’t have an issue wearing what I wear, and I personally think I wear things pretty well. I get by and no one has asked me to leave somewhere based on my sense of fashion. My parents may have been tempted, but even they have held their tongue. I don’t typically dress as the lesbian fashion victim, but I admit to falling prey to some of the more “stereotypical” pitfalls, and men’s cargo shorts are it.
This got me thinking about how comfortable men’s fashion is, and I OF COURSE made the connection that their lives must be just as simple. It’s obvious. Ok, I’m not that stupid, but I was leaning toward that assumption when the other aspects of being male; or at least one of us being male, would make our lives immeasurably easier.
One of the biggest areas of irritation in our lives at the moment has been the impossibility of our having a relationship that is 100% equal to that of anyone else in this nation. Blah Blah Blah Blah Gay Marriage Blah Blah. I’m not going there in the way you might think. I’m not on a stage somewhere shoving my life down anyone else’s throat or up anyone else’s ass, for that matter. I know that there are a few states in the nation (2 out of 50?) that would allow us to marry and enjoy the same rights that my own parents, sister, friends and grandparents enjoyed. There are even a few places including my own state that would allow us a union of civility that would give us some rights. That sounds romantic, right? A union filled with civility. Who needs love and respect?
The problem we face is the Federal government. With citizenship being an issue, we cannot partake in even the minimal and pathetic charades a few states allow because the federal government won’t recognize it, and we therefore cannot be wife and wife. Why is this a big deal? Why can’t we just live happily without the paperwork of a marriage? This is because that paperwork prevents us from having a moment’s peace, and keeps us living day to day. Nothing is concrete, and there is no permanence. We want to begin a family, live our lives, and contribute to a better society and world. We can’t. Without those documents, I cannot have her on my health insurance at work. Without health insurance, we can’t think of having a child. Without papers, they can decide not to reissue a Visa at any time and force her to leave the country. Without papers, she cannot lawfully procure a full time job as the programmer she was born to be, and therefore not earn money in a partner/spousal capacity. Without papers, there is no solid ground under our feet.
Her sister called us the other day, and she announced that after a long term relationship with a bloke from Delaware, he proposed and they are getting married! They filled out the fiancé Visa paperwork, and once it is sent back to her, she can fly here, they get married, and she is issued a Green Card so she can begin to work and apply for citizenship. We are so thrilled for her and very excited that we’ll have some proper family living nearby finally.
What does this have to do with men’s shorts? Not much, but from what I gather, it’d be a lot easier for one of us to legitimately undergo the process of having a sex change, and then legally marry each other, thus granting citizenship based on a “true marriage”. The US would rather I surgically alter my sexual gender then marry the person I love as we are. Maybe they are on to something. If it's so wrong for the same gender to love, I'm glad to know I have surgical options to 'fix' that. Just look at Ann Coulter and Janet Reno; those boys make passable chicks. I will follow their leadership. That is SO hot. Too bad I really love being a woman. I vow to have the biggest penis money can buy. If I'm going Male, I'm doin' it full-on Ron Jeremy! Thanks President Bush! Thanks God!
Good thing cargos have that extra room in the crotch. Guess I’ll need it…
4 comments:
It's worth considering what it would take, physically, to be able to legally change your gender to male. Perhaps therein lies a loophole. Or perhaps I've only had 3 hours sleep and no coffee yet so things that aren't actually good ideas sound like ground-breaking revelations.
Either way, we love you both dearly and wish you could have all the rights and privileges that you deserve. Maybe we'll all live to see the day when we can marry who we love without dropping trou to prove it's an innie/outie relationship first.
Hey, I'm rooting for the day when it becomes legal down there as well! Then our beloved wifeys will legally be able to be wifeys. And I can apply for U.S. Citizenship as well. Because who doesn't want to be a citizen of good ol' NJ? ;)
However. In the meantime, you work on that Ron Jeremy-sized wang, and we'll talk the next time we're down there. *nudgenudgewinkwink* How YOU doin'?
oh my god this amused me. However, I know where you're coming from, as my girlfriend is from Germany. She happens to have dual citizenship so we're ok so long as we stay here, but she wants to move back to Germany someday and I do not have dual citizenship. I might be able to get it, but that's another story. The point is that for the first time ever it is really occurring to me how obnoxious it is that we can't enjoy the same rights as a hetero couple. Until now my philosophy has been, "Oh well, they may not give me a piece of paper but they can't stop me from loving her..."
btw - this is sequoianne from LJ, not sure why my name came up. lovely. now my secret's out.
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