On The Dangers Of Bedding

Lisa and I had to pop out to the store today to purchase a new set of sheets for the bed. We have several - okay - many. The problem is, we are so ridiculously odd in similar ways that there is no way we are going to use the wrong sheets at the wrong time. For instance, we have flannel sheets for winter, and specifically, certain designs for holiday time and such. Now it's summer, and since we both treat heat like Kryptonite, we pack those away and use the high thread count cotton/Jersey sheets. We change sheets more often than most men change underwear - I'd say just about every week. The adorable Alice sees to it that she sheds and sneezes all over the bed, particularly on pillows and up near our faces. Lisa is highly allergic, so to keep it livable, we circulate sheets every week.

In one of the stores we popped into today, we were looking for the Jersey sheets when I spied a children's set on display. To my shock and horror, it was an "island time" theme, innocent enough - until you see what they put in the package. Sure, the usual sheet set, but also a "bed skirt" made to look like a hula skirt going around the bed. Even better? It's made out of that fake, plastic raffia, kind of what they make Easter basket grass out of that your cat/dog eats and poops in long trailing strings around the house. Even the pillow cases were fringed in the same material. The first and only thought through my mind was an inferno scene. What a great idea! Let's make children's bedding out of a highly flammable material and have it fully encircle the bed as well as their heads individually. All it might take is one second of careless smoking from one of these toddlers and *poof*, up they go in flames. One time they nod off while cooking a batch of crack and they get extra-crispy. Dangerous world we live in.

So we bought the plum coloured sheets and went home.