North Carolina Days and Nights

This is what the Ligie looks like when her life is not inundated with coffee and criminals:



Nice and relaxed, eh? Though, when faced with a view like this, it's easy to see why:

Ask This One About Dinosaurs

If, by any chance, you happened to miss Saturday Night Live's opener last night...here it is for your enjoyment. Seriously. The funniest thing I've seen all year.

I Need Photographic Proof!

But the Gazelle is now an accomplished Atlantic Ocean body-boarder! Whoo Hoo!

I will post it when I can get it!

Want

I'm not feeling as eloquent as usual due to being pre-caffeine, so I just want to share Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi with you all and say: "Want"

Quick Rant

(Using pretend, anti-unemployment camoflague)

In the "Hotel" where I work, I guess I'd be considered security and a concierge. There are 3 others in my position as well. The hotel "general manager" oversees us all, and there is a "corporate manager" who intrudes and messes with things from time to time with no working knowledge of the facility. This corporate manager used to work in the same hotel as one of my fellow workers, and due to such things, this asshat has a definitive favoritism for this person.

It was recently brought to my attention that this connection was used to influence a major change in status and pay scale favoring this co-worker by the corp. manager. There really is no recourse for the other co-workers such as myself to complain or change this fact without jeopardy to my own position. Even the general manager is helpless to change the situation, being under the thumb of the corporation.

It's disheartening when I think of the very hard work I do, and the pride I take in it. This other mook is a sedentary piece of shit who spends his days blathering about his 'good 'ol days' in the old hotel, and complaining that the new hotel is too much work and slacking off or doing work I have to do over again because it's wrong. If you aren't happy to be here, get the fuck out and make room for people who want to be here, you bloated ass-monkey.

Whew. I think I was a bit more angry that I thought. Oooops.

Ohmmmmmmmmm....

I Will Speak Daggers to Her, but Use None

Time: 16:45 EDT
Location: A tiny movie theater in Central New Jersey, screen 3
The Show: Hamlet 2

Preamble: My sweetie and I sit alone through the trailers. As the lights dim, a pair of elderly women walk in and seat themselves two rows in front. The movie begins. One turns to the other and asks, in all seriousness: "Did you see Hamlet 1?"

Where Is My Right Said Fred?

Last night, I think I figured out what I'm lacking at my part time job at CoffeeLand(TM) - I was watching my Learning Coach/Training Biotch (Whom shall now be fondly referred to as "Special K") and although she is only 3 years my junior, she's been working for this company for over a decade, and what sets us apart is confidence. Plain and Simple - I'm insecure about my ability to perform as well and as quickly as needed, let alone to match her precision and skill. I have to admit, I wondered what the hell could be so hard about working at CoffeeLand, but I severely underestimated the knowledge, memory, and coordination needed to work here. Not to mention the INSANE and CONSTANT cleaning.

So, those of you old enough might remember that group made up of the 2 bald male models - Right Said Fred? I've been pumping that "I'm Too Sexy" song through my head at work, trying to get a little of that swagger back into my hips I had over a decade ago but seem to have lost with my waistline. Now that I'm getting the waistline back, I'm hoping my confidence and strut might decide to join it. If that happens and I'm able to reach the old, spunky, sassy bartender from years ago (and if I can find her size 4 figure and better hair, I'll grab that too!) - I might be able to make it at this place after all. I really enjoy my closing nights with Special K. She's more than a bag of chips. She's an enchilada. You've got to see her work.

Anyway, I'm going to try to find some more music to load onto my iPod to get that swagger back.
And I'm going to stay away from Right Said Fred stuff. Maybe some old Joan Jett? Suggestions?

A Startling Realization

"What's the difference between a hockey mom and a Pitbull? Lipstick."

Sarah Palin bit me!

Do I Look Like a Republican to You?

So there's this guy I work with. And he drives me crazy. He's one of those sadly-not-select individuals who was seemingly born without an inside voice. In fact, I referred to him as Marie previously. He likes to talk politics with me, along with a multitude of other controversial topics. For some reason, I think he thinks we're on the same side. So when he starts talking about the most wondrous Sarah Palin, and all the good she could do, I honestly couldn't stop myself from laughing. So we got into quite the debate, which only resorted to name-calling once or twice. The Boss came out at one point to listen, and to make sure no blood was spilled, and was smirking to herself. Honestly, when he started saying how Obama's plan was to walk around pointing at McCain saying "Bush! Bush!", I couldn't help but respond in kind with my "He has no experience! Look who my VP candidate is!"

I felt like I was 5, but it felt good.

Don't Poke Me, Bro

I'm an easy going person. I don't ask much. At work, I'm very much an active element, ready to go at a moment's notice. I do not, however, enjoy it when others I work with who do not share the same passion, interest, work ethic, or for ham and egg's sake some sort of level of consciousness to actually work decide it's fine to goof their way through the day and even goof on me. Fine. Do nothing and be worthless. DO NOT act surprised, however, when I bend that useless finger you are poking me in the ear with until you hear the tendons popping and then shove it up your ass till it pokes you in the eye. You'll wish it was just a tazer.

Flaming ass-monkeys who are useless at work.

/rant