Keeping Y'All in Da Immigration Loop-Da-Loop

It's been a couple of weeks, and I haven't really said anything in a while.  Mostly, I'm avoiding blogging it because I'll Blommit all over the keyboard, blooking up chunks of emotional ranting that will spiral into non-cohesive bullspunk and end up as angry gibberish dancing across the screen.  It'd be like I was typing out the works of Ms. Shakespeare, using the Widget Font. 

So, there is a culmination going on this weekend.  It's a big deal, but after a long time of fretting and basically going through the death grief cycle of anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance and so on, I've rebounded. We are more focused and positive.  We aren't looking right at our noses.  We're looking forward.  While details aren't going to be out to the masses yet on what's up this weekend, just know it's another step toward the ultimate goal, and we will make this one, just like we've made the rest.  Those of you who do know what's we're up to - ALL the positive vibes you can muster are happily and greedily accepted. 

In related news, all of this is not amounting to nothing.  Confused?  You should be.  What I mean is, all of this fighting the good fight, standing up for what's right, arguing for Equality for EVERYONE, within no one religion, race, sex, or choice being allowed to squelch any others - that will continue WITH A VENGEANCE.  

HOW?


We Will Fight With Our Kitten Armies!

Look for progress on the newly updated site for http://www.uafawatch.com/.  Look for us to be in the fray at political events.  Look for us to be championing the cause for those who just cannot do so for themselves.  Look for us to use sensible arguments, proof, and logic to counter bias, hatred and ill will.  Help us in this.

 I hate broaching this, or beating the poor, mange-ridden decomposing horse, but I'm going to remind everyone that on this site above this post is a Donation button through Paypal that is labeled "Dept of Defense". If anyone can, or knows anyone who can spare a couple of dollars using this to help with this cause, it's appreciated.  We know it's rough out there right now.  We're living it right next to you.  We want to continue to be here to fight. 

It's not "Do Unto Others As Long As You Agree"...

I'm having a hard time trying to sit here and write this post.  Seriously.  I swing from wild anger to amazement and befuddlement.  I cannot fathom that this issue is still something to be argued about.

Do unto others.  It's such a simple rule, yet humans who believe in this rule - religiously or as a standard rule to live by - have managed to fuck it up with their own selfish purposes.  Follow me on this, because I may take some detours to get there.

I have an idea for a story that if it's not yet made, shall be mine - so the following is written with a caveat containing copyright and trademark citation.  I think I've seen a few movies written in the perspective of opposite/ironic points of view that are meant to make people stop and think about expanding their view to be accepting of others.  Notice - I did not use the term "tolerant".  I love that word.  I use that word.  I can BE that word at times.  It seems, however that the general population is against that term, some people arguing that they should not have to be tolerant of someone if they do not agree with whatever it is that person is doing that is so disagreeable.

Eye of the Beholder

An example of this is one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes, "The Eye Of The Beholder" where a woman is supposed to undergo an urgent last-ditch surgery performed by STATE doctors to make her look "normal". Of course, the reveal (spoiler) shows that the rest of the population's "normal" is a twisted facial disfigurement, and the woman is considered hideous to them by their standards.  I like that reminder, and the message is very bold for 1960.

Interracial Marriage?  

I've seen some campy renditions of shows that try to give a turnaround perspective, for example, if white people were plantation slaves or the oppressed side of apartheid.   I saw a short that involved the specific situations of a reversed Rosa Parks incident as well as segregation of bathrooms, schools, drinking fountains and so on.   The thought of interracial marriage was an abomination because no self respecting black person would ruin the purity of his or her race in such a way!  To hear this today makes it seem laughable - but it is in fact the truth of what was done to groups of people all over the world by so many other groups and for so many "reasons" that all boil down to the same smoldering truth that pervades our society.  We are intolerant bigots who have not learned from the mistakes of our history.

In 1950, this country was finally beginning (just beginning) to put an end to segregation.  We now look back at the Holocaust and say with certainty how horrible and wrong to slaughter a group based on race, hair color, religion, eye color etc.  So what are we doing now?  Choosing the next group?

It might seem silly to some people, and I've even actually had more than a handful of african american and black friends tell me it's a sin to compare that civil rights movement to the movement of gay rights - but I see it as a clear cut case of fighting for Human Rights.  I think that without setting my soapbox on fire, I need to say very quickly that I have no illusions about "knowing" what anyone in any group that I was not a part of went through.  To say "I understand" would be an insult.  So it is with me as well.  This is not a joke.  People are dying through bullying, suicide, hate crimes, and so much more.   it seems stupid to me, not to make the comparison.  It is not right for ANY group to limit the rights and freedoms of ANY OTHER group simply because you do not agree with them.

Tolerance?

Do unto others... I'm back to this now.  Ok.   So, what if, by my own decree, I announce that all heterosexuals are an abomination to my God, and they therefore cannot marry, vote, teach in schools, or use the same bathroom facilities.   Ok, I'm going overboard - or am I?  MY GOD, YOUR GOD, THEIR GOD, NO GOD - we have the right to worship (or not worship) whatever god(s) we so choose.  Here is where I might lose friends.  I believe that the selfish individuals inhabiting this Earth are manipulating the very things they want to protect.  Basic Human Rights cannot be determined by religion. If you truly believe in a Christian God, then you truly believe that every single creature on this Earth shall be judged by your God, and only your God.  "Judge Not, lest Ye Be Judged" is omitted from the passages that are spat in my face when I am at a support rally for Equality.  "Love Thy Neighbor" is never one of the themes I hear when people are referring to their reasoning and their God as to why I should not be allowed to do something.  I can pick and choose passages to suit my needs in an argument as well.

NOT ok.

However, the point of my tirade here is simple - we shouldn't even be having this argument.  We as a society have overcome our shortcomings and the horribly askew things we have done to many people, yet we continue to repeat the same mistakes using the same arguments, and now it's a louder argument because some of the people spewing hatred and bias are the very people who fought their way out only decades ago.   DO UNTO OTHERS

Would YOU appreciate it if it was up to a vote as to whether or not you could marry someone you loved?

Would it be ok if anyone who is married to someone from another country have their marriage immediately revoked and their loved one deported?

Would you be okay with someone telling you that your religion is wrong, and you are not allowed to believe as you do?

Would you be okay with being treated differently based upon any aspect of who you are?

Think long and hard about what you take for granted - growing up, getting a job, going to school, marrying your love, raising kids, getting old and planning retirement, being there for your family....

Now take those options and severely limit most of them, and take others away completely.  That's is what the Equality for ALL movement is about.

No one is saying that everyone can be a millionaire or own corporations, or go to the best schools or live in a dream house.

But EVERYONE is born with the option, ability and Equal Right to strive for it.

Vanilla Chai Tea, How I Love Thee! -A Guest Post from Christy Cole Quast

I have recently discovered (much to my already calorically-challenged dismay) Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Chai tea at my local DD near my office. Their mint hot chocolate is good, too--and nothing beats the SBUX Peppermint Mocha Latte, but I am here to talk about Dunkin. Seems that this delightfully sinful & seasonal hot beverage only comes in a Medium size. Do I look like a Medium gal to you?

So this morning I asked my guy, Raj, what was up with that--how come I can't get a large, or an extra-large--because I love them so much? So he shrugs and says matter-of-factly "so you buy another one when that one is done." That is a brilliant, almost dumber-than-a-bag-of-hammers marketing ploy, but I have to say it works! They're $2.50 each and I get 2 per day (WHAT?! Don't judge me!) so they got me there.

I think to myself, I don't want to make the trip TWICE, and I don't want to buy 2 Medium cups to have on my desk while I drink one, and have the other one sitting all alone, cooling... depressed.


Why oh Why Can't I Be LARGE!?!

 So I decide to proposition Raj: will 2 Mediums fit in a Large cup? I'll pay for 2 Mediums, just put them in the same cup; Raj says it won't fit. *exaggerated eye-roll*

Then I ask, OK how about a Medium and a Small together in a Large cup; Raj says but we only sell Medium. *forehead slap*

I explain, yes, I know that--I will give you $6 (keep the change) if you just fill a Large cup with Vanilla Chai and charge me for 2 separate Mediums; Raj smiles and talks to me like I talk to my 4th grader--enunciating clearly, loudly and S-L-O-W-L-Y so I have a better chance at comprehending what he is trying to say: BUT THEY ONLY COME IN MEDIUM. *feels a migraine coming on*

Of course, this is 8:15am this morning, and the line was getting longer. And before the woman behind me could gouge my eyes out with one of those sharp plastic coffee stirrers, I capitulated and admitted defeat; Raj has won this round, but I'll be back tomorrow to try and wear him down. Oh yes--I recognize a challenge when I see one; you'd better brew with one eye open, Raj because I'M COMING FOR YOU!

Forget the Mayan Calendar - My Dreams Could Create Worldwide Panic!

I had a horrid night last night, with dreams within dreams that I struggled to awake from, only to find I was awake inside of another dream.  At times I was crouched and sweating on the floor of my room next to the bed trying to collate the fractured pieces of the dreams that  I could remember.  I'm going to stream of consciousness what I can right here and now to get  some of it out.  I will also note that several people I spoke to today have told me that last night was restless or nightmare ridden for them as well.  Interesting. 

So, here we go:  Familiar spaces, like homes I have lived in or stayed in all bungled into one string-like scene where everything took place.

Even in the dreams, I was mostly in a bedroom area, trying to stop something from clawing into the room through the wall.  Most times I got a glimpse of what/who was clawing, it was a small girl, dark and long hair, sometimes in anime fashion, sometimes in a very "The Grudge" way.



Just when I thought I had woken up, this essentially shit me awake.

At other times in the dream, it would switch to a perspective where I wasn't being hunted or haunted, but instead, it was up to me to keep people I love safe.  It was kind of a surreal Walking Dead/American Horror Story Basement/Resident Evil landscape.  It was trippy.  No cars worked, no escapes were possible, but I had to fight off evil and clever monsters.  One such resembled her


Continual battle of the pointy teeth and my flesh.

No matter how hard I tried, I was torn to bits, and someone I cared for took a decent hit/got a chunk taken from them.  I continued to wake partly, into another dream where I was in my actual room - every detail was correct - but I wasn't really awake, and I couldn't move well, and inevitably something was coming for me and I had no defenses.  Once it would get within striking distance, it would lunge, and I would muster up enough to physically scream myself awake.  This happened several times.  I finally gave up, stopped hyperventilating, and stayed awake for the rest of the early morning. 

It wasn't just in my 'hood'.  I got the impression that it was happening all over, and that I was only privy to seeing what was directly around me or what impacted me.  I did note that I never felt as though Lisa was in danger, so I guess the south is protected in some way.



Look how the monster hides behind a little fishy.



Pity, Not So Much of a Party.

Forgive the whimper, but better that than wine....  Oh!  The puns!

Seriously though, this has been my frame of mind for a while now, and I'm wondering if I've reached a breaking point.  Thinking back - some of you know from my earlier stuff that I started addictions early.

Me Grocery Shopping circa 1976

I've been a quietly sober adult for somewhere around 17+ years now.  I did it the hard way, and I did it many times in the beginning, but it's been a solid run for about 16 years.  A lot of folks will tell you that 'you ain't done it right if you only done it once...' heh - I digress.

Now I'm having a horrible crisis of staying power.  I'm up to my neck in troubling issues - but who isn't in this crazy world?  I'm reaching the point where it's frustrating me that so many people can turn off the bright fractured light that scorches my eye sockets daily.  I feel pain, sadness, fear beyond belief every day for the last few months.  I do all I can to control it, and deal with it.  At the end of most days, I'm talking myself down from a panic attack just to get to sleep for a few hours.  So, I'm fretting hard because in my mind, I'm convincing myself that I've been soooooooo gooooooood for sooooooo loooooong that I should be fine if I just grab a quick drink or two.  And I know where that thought process leads, but I'm seriously not feeling all that compassionate towards myself in this predicament.  I see close friends and family who obliterate themselves in the name of self pity, and I think "Why can't I take a little pity on the rocks for myself as well?"  I'm very confident that I wouldn't escalate from a Jack 'n Coke to a needle.  I really think that I can control myself, but the tiny bit of doubt has me sweating.  What if I'm wrong?  What if I undo all those years of work?  Sometimes I get selfishly grumpy that no one has to know my suffering about NOT being able to drink until I no longer have to think about shit.  I get to hear about how others had a bad day, so they are off to forget about it.  I can't forget.  I am not allowed to use the shut off valve any more, and it really really fucking sucks.  So, for now, I'll post stupid demotivational pics on here and convince myself that I'm just being a whiny bitch and go drink some fucking tea.  Yeah me.  Woo.

HS Graduation?

I've seen so many toilets, and loved them all!

Yeah.  I had those friends too. 

Keep on WALKEN!!

Yeah Yeah...  I'm the mistress of bad puns, but I can't help it.  I just wanted to share something non-law suit related that isn't depressing and whiny.  So, I want to give a quick mega-mega thumbs up to a flick I just caught on cable last night.  (I can tell I'm getting old - I just called a movie channel on tv "cable")   I stumbled across it last night, and I will watch any-fecking-thing that has Christopher Walken.  Serious, funny, violent, sweet - I don't care.  He is THE MAN. 


I digress.  So I found The Addiction last night and I was transfixed.   First, Abel Ferrara made a visual stunner.  A very high contrast B&W brought out the perfection of the moods in ever scene.  Stellar performance by Lili Taylor.  I was shocked to see Anabella Sciorra, Edie Falco, Kathryn Erbe, and a few others I recognized.  The general gist is the idea of Vampirism in a more visceral, real form centered in NYC with a huge emphasis on status, philosophy, good vs. evil and in-depth theories of addiction.  The addiction side is not a hidden theme, as it's literally compared to drug addiction, even going so far as to have Walken's character (a long time vamp who has retrained his body to adapt to not feeding, and to eat, sleep and behave in human society) say to Taylor's younger and uncontrolled vamp character "You know how long I've been fasting? Forty years. The last time I shot up, I had a dozen and a half in one night. They fall like flies before the hunger, don't they? You can never get enough, can you? But you learn to control it. You learn, like the Tibetans, to survive on a little."   She briefly attempts this, meanwhile achieving her pre-vamp goal of her PhD, only to be unable to resist the blood lust; and with the help of her fledglings slaughter the very faculty and staff after graduation at a small soiree  Taylor has a very drug-OD moment in the streets of NY and the voice says "We drink to escape the fact we're alcoholics. Existence is the search for relief from our habit, and our habit is the only relief we can find." in a poignant reference to why she did it.  I've never felt as though someone could capture the true feeling of that kind of addiction, but it truly was perfect. 



It does get a little obtuse at times, venturing into almost pretentious goth emo-ism, however, these tangents aren't long lasting, and Taylor more than convinces you that even if you aren't understanding what she's saying, it's of vital importence and you let it go.  I get the deeper meanings I wasn't thrilled at all with the ending, which appeared to be a vague and uncertain copout, but then again, I might have missed something. I really enjoyed when Taylor lays out her horror at what she is, in the grand scheme of the world, and yet the wording is perfect to open it to every individual, of humans as one race - "I finally understand what all this is, how it was all possible. Now I see, good lord, how we must look from out there. Our addiction is evil. The propensity for this evil lies in our weakness before it. Kierkegaard was right - there is an awful precipice before us. But he was wrong about the leap - there's a difference between jumping and being pushed. You reach a point where you are forced to face your own needs, and the fact that you can't terminate the situation settles on you with full force."  All in all, Taylor and my beloved Walken give amazing performances that demand to be watched with riveted eyes.   I strongly recommend this flick!  It's not available for rental, as far as I can find.  I think you'd need to look it up on your cable provider.  It's worth it!

And now, MY moment of Walken...

A Douche A Day...

Well, you know the rest of that rhyme.  I just had to stop and say that I encountered a douche of ginormous proportions today, and I have to say, I am sincerely glad that I did.  Here's why.

I don't know this person, I only know of him through a friend.  He said some things of douche nozzle style, and, hard as it is to believe this - I actually took it kinda poorly.  Admittedly - I'm dealing with a lot on my plate (see: epic court battle plus my work stress, plus the possibility to my wife being deported, therefore leaving us no choice but to relocate in another country due to the unfair and unequal laws of my beloved country).  Still, what was said was a monumentally douche canoe thing to say.  I felt shame, guilt, helplessness and just plain dirty all over again.   But here's the catch -

I hadn't been dealing with it, and allowing this person's stinky ways to make me feel powerless left me feeling, not so fresh.  When I took a step back, took a deep breath (through my mouth, because, well... not so fresh) and realized that I was not in control of myself.  Relief washed over me.  I felt cleansed and renewed.  I really got up in there and changed my perspective, and it mirrored what I've been feeling about someone else lately who is behaving in a very similar fashion.  The emotions were spurting forth, and I was so full of energy, I wanted to play tennis or ride a horse.

So, Thanks a heap to the tremendous douches I encounter in this world.  As I learn to deal with each of you, I learn to deal with myself, and in this way the douche canoes of the universe really can't hurt me anymore.

Oh, and don't forget that the top of this page has a shiny donation button - in case you want to help us with a deeper clean!  ;)

A Halloween Reverse Trick or Treat!!

Hello Guys and Ghouls We've been a little absent - or ghostly even. I wanted to post a quick note to explain that there is a shiny new feature on our blog. It is nothing we ever wanted to put there, and it's a humbling and almost embarrassing thing to have to resort to, but those of you who know our current situation will know why it's there. It's a shiny new pretty yellow PayPal Donate button. We've set up a secure way to have friends, family, strangers who support the cause, or random drive bys to help us out. We have no illusions that we'd make the $15K we need to raise this week, but the point of the donation button is that even a dollar here and there will totally help defray the costs and keep us afloat while we do battle in courts of law.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, help us defend our castle and lives against an evil ogre! Wear a costume while you donate. Wear costumes while you share our link with other costume wearing folk. I can't promise any candy in return (and I can't say anything about tax breaks because we aren't a non-profit) but I will tell you that fighting to keep Lisa and I together in the home we made together for 6 years, that is indeed a tasty, chocolate wrapped prospect that we can all share in.

No matter if you can help with donations, spreading the word and the link, or just leaving us some words of encouragement - it's all anon anyway, and we love each and every person who takes the time even just to read this and think about us - send us some good energy for the battle ahead. It's taking a toll, but we won't let the Troll win!
If anyone wants more in depth information about what is going on and why we are doing this, paying no attention to the man behind the curtain, contact us privately. All I will say is, what would normally be a small inconvenience for most US citizens becomes a battle to prove our side to avoid deportation. Unlike the opposition, we will remain tactful and professional. The best revenge isn't revenge at all - it's using the truth to prevail in unfair situations without sinking to a scummy level.

So, Alice, Lisa and I thank you - for anything and everything you do. <3 <3 <3

Wistful Thinking

I am becoming a bit disheartened by the way life has become extremely Sisyphean of late. I have maintained a positive outlook for so long, that I've confused it with a version of reality that simply does not exist.
While I do love me some Camus, I disagree with his noted take on the myth (in his "The Myth of Sisyphus") saying "'Sisyphus as personifying the absurdity of human life, but "one must imagine Sisyphus happy" as "The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.'"

Ummmm. No. While I am 100% about the path and the journey, I believe that the episodes that present themselves to us are learning tools and opportunities of all kinds. i believe that they have purpose, and therefore can be ignored, attempted, abandoned, accomplished, or truly inspiring. I also believe - if you follow the original myth - that the punishment fit for his trickery of the Gods has nothing to do with 'normal' human suffering. In a way, I could see it as an addended version of reliving our lives to learn the lessons we failed to grasp. More than this, I see a connection to what is gained by hard work. This would emphasize the issue I am dealing with right now. I cannot find a correlation to the extertion I put forth and the result that is achieved.

I have lost a valuable sense of self worth, and in this aspect, I feel as though I am in a Sisyphean struggle... a constrant struggle both inner and outer to achieve value of self and the vain struggle for knowledge that continues to elude me. The struggle for financial worth - while a noted part of human suffering as per my own Buddhist ideology - is something I cannot give up. In this day and age, the very best a person can hope for is employment that offers the main components within living th 8-Fold Path. Right Livelihood is one of the things I strived for. The rest of how I try to live is as follows - Formatted for my Geek Friends:

I am trying, but I feel a little conflicted and alone sometimes, and I do not wish to cause others to shoulder the boulder, as it were, along with me.

I'd love comments, advice, or just thoughts from others about similar feelings or even opposing feelings. Let's sit with coffee and discuss.

*sits back waiting*

Inner Peace vs Innards in Pieces

If a Miss America contestant came up to me spouting cheerfully about wanting world peace right this instant, I would punch her in the right boob and then backhand her for good measure.  Ok, I'd rather it be Michelle Bachmann spewing about the evils of tehGeys.   

How can I be certain those would be my exact actions?  Simple.  I'm right handed, so landing a good swing with my right fist lands it squarely on her right boob (all things considered equal in height and such), leaving me time to backhand her with the same offending hand while she grabbed said injured mammary and looked right at me with that wounded puppy shock and awe with mouth agape - ripe for the smacking.  I can almost hear the Prodigy pumping in the soundtrack for this moment in time.  Wait, maybe it'd be a Tom Petty tune.  

Gee, Barbara.  You are always the epitome of calm and rationale.  You study the Buddhist life path.  You are always settling arguments with compassion.  The Dalai Lama calls you for meditation advice when China is pissing him off and he wants to choke a bitch.  AND you're so pretty!
This is all so true, but there is an often overlooked caveat - I am PRACTICING this path in my life.  At this moment, I'd say that I need a little lot more practice. 

Yet, I still feel as though with all that is happening to me, in me, and around me - I am proud of how well I am holding up.  I am facing down lying political pricks who are stripping me bare of every basic right.  I'm fighting for my job and the jobs of the people I work with, since I'm in negotiations for my union.  I am battling fear over my own health issues.  I am at war grumpy with US Immigration and doing all in my power to stop them from separating me from my wife through deportation.  I have wanted to break down entirely and give up, but some good shines down.  Even though sometimes the good in disguised as a breakdown in our car, a tow to another state, sickness, obstacles - I smile back to think it meant spending more time with people I love, being 'forced' to slow things down, and generally look at things in different ways. 

Yep.  I'm still practicing and learning.  I'd love to be omnipotent and omniscient, and omnipresent, and omnivorous...  wait - I AM that last one for certain.  Well, the rest of 'em.  Yet, that would signal the end of my journey - and I don't think I'm really that evolved smart yet.  So, I subject myself to this world and it's people, and work very hard to overcome my own obstacles and practice compassion in my every day life.  Hopefully, I will continue to grow and brave these storms.  

In the meantime, I'm just itching to run into a pageant girl while I am still amped with residual unfocused anger.   Actually, I'm not picky.  I'd be just as happy punching a priest, nun, paedophile, country music star, or any Kardashian.  Oh Hell - I just want it to be Bachmann!