While I do love me some Camus, I disagree with his noted take on the myth (in his "The Myth of Sisyphus") saying "'Sisyphus as personifying the absurdity of human life, but "one must imagine Sisyphus happy" as "The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.'"
Ummmm. No. While I am 100% about the path and the journey, I believe that the episodes that present themselves to us are learning tools and opportunities of all kinds. i believe that they have purpose, and therefore can be ignored, attempted, abandoned, accomplished, or truly inspiring. I also believe - if you follow the original myth - that the punishment fit for his trickery of the Gods has nothing to do with 'normal' human suffering. In a way, I could see it as an addended version of reliving our lives to learn the lessons we failed to grasp. More than this, I see a connection to what is gained by hard work. This would emphasize the issue I am dealing with right now. I cannot find a correlation to the extertion I put forth and the result that is achieved.
I have lost a valuable sense of self worth, and in this aspect, I feel as though I am in a Sisyphean struggle... a constrant struggle both inner and outer to achieve value of self and the vain struggle for knowledge that continues to elude me. The struggle for financial worth - while a noted part of human suffering as per my own Buddhist ideology - is something I cannot give up. In this day and age, the very best a person can hope for is employment that offers the main components within living th 8-Fold Path. Right Livelihood is one of the things I strived for. The rest of how I try to live is as follows - Formatted for my Geek Friends:
I am trying, but I feel a little conflicted and alone sometimes, and I do not wish to cause others to shoulder the boulder, as it were, along with me.
I'd love comments, advice, or just thoughts from others about similar feelings or even opposing feelings. Let's sit with coffee and discuss.
*sits back waiting*
2 comments:
I definitely feel you on the Sisyphean struggle...and the loss of valuable self-worth. Life already feels like an uphill battle when your values and philosophies seem at odds with the society you are forced to live in. I've never been able to maintain the positive outlook that you try for... I gave myself up as a pessimist a long time ago and I really would like to change that. I admire your attempts at perseverance in that. I don't know what you're going through right now and I know our situations are different, but you are not alone in your feelings.
I hope things get better soon! <3
When ever I feel such things I stop and think "where is the attachment in this?"
Did you expect results? In this lifetime? I find that the harder I try the worse things get. Maybe I'm being tested in some way. Maybe I'm discharging negative karma for the sake of a better future life.
Whatever ... it's all affirmation, as long as you look at it just right, eh?
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