Sometimes, I don't know how Barbara puts up with me. Last night was one of those times.
For some reason, I have been desperately craving a baby recently, and not in that edible way. More in the Elvira hug-them-and-squeeze-them-and-love-them way. What with it not being something we're able to do soon for many reasons - some legalities, some financial - the question of "To Carry or to Adopt" has arisen. Last night, driving home, I was contemplating adoption. I was clearly low on medicinal dosage because my train of thought decided that, because I'm a little messed up, physically and mentally, it would be best to adopt. Besides, there are < insert huge large number here > of children who need love, and we have plenty of that to offer. With just a small side of insanity. And beetroot.
But - and here's where I flew off the rocker - I have a fear. I am irrationally afraid that I will have stupid expectations for our child, and when he or she falls short of those expectations, I will decide that we picked the wrong child. And want to take that one back and get the 'right' one.
I know, it's ridiculous. I even asked my girl last night what we would do if we got the name wrong. Like, 3 years down the line, we adopted another and decided that actually, this one fit the first one's name better. Thankfully, she only laughed until one side split, so the sutures were minimal.
So tonight, I'll be laying off the cheese/caffeine/crazy pills and trying not to think. I think that'd be best for everyone.
5 comments:
Right so. We're going through this now.
We should probably talk. :)
Uh huh, lay off the caffine. I know y'all will make the bast parents, so quit witht he worrying will ya! We will be the basket cases first.
lol Thanks Scoopy :) You guys are going to be awesome Mommies, and I can't wait to see pictures of little Pari!
LeSon, I shall be in touch!
The animal-loving Tiny Toon you're referring to up there is Elmyra Duff, not Elvira - that was the busty goth in the slinky dress. ;)
I understand your fear! When kids were still a potential in my life (pre and post meeting Joce), I was sure I'd want to adopt. No reason to carry on the family history of mental illness. Having a kid that looks a little like me is nice, sure, but not nice enough to saddle them with a lifetime of potential addiction issues and depression.
But I think that with adopting there is probably a moment, like with choosing a partner, where you just know that this is the one for you. That your life will be better because this person is indefinitely involved.
What I suspect many people don't realize is that it may take a few tries before you find that connection. I'm not talking the Angelina-style search of 'which country to adopt from now', but I mean you may NOT find a baby that is meant to be yours and Ligie's upon your first paperwork review. But it will be worth the wait.
The time will come. And you guys will be superb parents to any baby lucky enough to be in your life - I know it. :)
I am an awful one as far as the caffeine and happy pills go
My energy level is so low because of all the meds I take I probably have a pot and a half of coffee a day.
I have major probs with my back-and was prescribed oxycodone in 02-stupidly (as I had booze problems in the past) I became and still am addicted to them-uggggh-my life is such a joke sometimes!
I wish you both the best with this major decision-I have a feeling the both of you would be fantastic parents.-Devin
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