Bless This Mess

One of the reasons we've been so absent of late is that we've been working diligently on perfecting our humble abode. It's a beautiful little place, and full of potential, which we're helping it to realize. Our latest project has been the main bedroom. When we first moved in, this is how it looked:



It's looked like this for the last two years (more recently minus the boxes), and we finally accepted that now was the time for a change. So, our Bodhi present to each other was a new bedroom set; and seeing as we were going to have new furniture, we decided to go the full hog and repaint the room itself too. My sweetie has always hated that sea-blue on the walls, and honestly, it could be a little nauseating. So we decided upon Turkish Coffee, and Limestone as our colors and got to work.

This is the semi-finished product:



And the difference between the colors can be seen in this picture:



There is also a bench to put together for the end of the bed, which will be our project for this snow-day, but overall, we think it's a very positive change. And it's been so nice to put pieces of ourselves into the fabric of the house. Of course, I can't step into Home Depot without having to squelch an overwhelming desire to purchase insulation. I'm not even sure what I'd use it for, but I want it.

Adipose I Should Do About This?

Oh, my self-deprecating humor knows no bounds! Adipose Who else could configure the anatomical wording for fat into a blog post title? Just ginormous me!

I am embarking on a serious and intensive weight loss/health gain program starting in a few weeks. I don't want to go into the details of it, or the name of it for now. I just want to get working on it and see how it all goes. I'll update you all on the progress if desired. I'm thinking of trying to be brazen enough to take some honest photos of myself as things progress. I'm a bit scared of that, so I'm still just pondering it.

So, if you don't hear from me in a few months, assume that I died and the kitten feasted on my corpulent, uh... corpse.

Overheard at "the Hotel"

"They took down another Christmas Nativity Scene in a public square near my town. It's been there for years and never bothered anyone till too many foreigners moved into the area. I didn't even mind so much when they added a menorah to the area - I let that go. Now the ACLU gets involved and I can't celebrate my baby jesus' birth because it's unconstitutional? They ain't even part of my constitution! Fuckin' ACLU is ruining this country. Bunch of Commies."

Sometimes I have to physically use my hand to pick my chin up off the floor when I hear some of the crap these guys spew.

Boughs of Folly

Hello Urchins.

Tis the season to try to be jolly, then get bitch slapped by circumstance, and still maintain that stupid grin so people don't commit you to a sanitarium.

Things have been hectic at the Greening-Cole Ranch, but I am pleased to report that we are still happy and goofy. Stress is taking an individual toll, but thankfully, we're great with communication, so it's not stressing on us as a couple. That makes me smile.

Rohatsu went off without as much observance as I would have liked. It was the 8th of December, but so much complicated work stuff, plus the very sad death of my wonderful uncle in Kentucky made for a hard time of observing. Perhaps I can make my own special day to observe in the proper way in the new year. That'll make me happy. I invite you all to join me!

The bedroom is almost 100% finished with the renovations, and I think all 3 of us are thrilled. Ok, I think Alice wins that contest. The headboard has built-in cubbies, and she has promptly made all of them into little napping dens of her own. the top ledge also allows her a place to curl up to nap, or keep a vigil on birds and squirrels out the bedroom windows. The colours are wonderful and calming. It's turning into the bedroom I've wanted for a long time now. All we need is to find the perfect wall art, and we're working on it.
Anywhoodle - I'm off.

I will send updates as I can, and try to delve into the real meat of what's going on, but I'm going to need a pitchfork to sort through the crap enough to write it.

Missed you all. Send us love, topics, or whatever!

B&L

Maintaining Ties

In a time of ancient gods...or perhaps just ancient customers, it is in my best interests to maintain links to the UK. The US doesn't fully want me yet, or at least they don't know they do. They panic when I get a little too close, and demand "space."

Not to fret; I can be...persuasive *pops on little black number and a tango mix-tape*.

So I maintain these ties, through keeping a house over there, bank accounts, and of course a driving license. Said driving license expires on the 24th of this month. I don't have to do anything special to renew it, just mail back a form and a pretty picture of yours truly. No retaking test, or fancy jumping through hoops or anything like that, right. Right?

Wrong.

Well, half wrong. I don't have to retake the test. Which is a good thing, because I'm certain I'd get all confuzzled and forget which side of the road to drive on. I had a panic tonight as I realized I'd forgotten the British way of writing the date. Bah.

As it turns out, the Brits and Americans are once more two countries divided by a common language when it comes to passport photos. British dimensions are not quite as simple as their old 2 by 2 American counterpart. Not one, not two, but four stores I went to on my lunch hour today refused to accommodate such an unruly request. Finally, I sweet-talked my way into a JC Penney clerk's knickers. I mean, photography studio. *cough* I think I have a date on Friday.

Knowing that I don't have much time in which to organize all this (as a typical Greening, I have known the license was expiring for months, but am as usual late to the party), I race home and start filling out the forms. Second panic of the day: The D1 or the D798? Which one am I supposed to complete? Bah! Typical British, you wait months for a form, and two come along at once. So I narrow it down to the D1 (mostly because I had previously started to complete the D798 in blue ink, and that simply won't do), and start scribbling furiously. Finished, I read the checklist of items.

Check for £20
Green counterpart license
Photocard licence

Panic number three. £20? What's that in dollars? Does it matter anyway? The DVLA won't take an American check. Crap. Do I still have a British checkbook? By this point, Alice has flown into the bedroom and is hiding under the bed from her crazy Mum who is ransacking the study. Victory! Oh me oh my, I still have the good old HSBC checkbook. Can I remember how to complete an English check? Sod it, I'll fudge it.

Green counterpart license. OK, I've seen that somewhere. Recently. Ish. Like, within the last...four years? Balls. *ransack ransack* Huzzah! There it is in the filing cabinet, neatly filed under "Stuff." How accurate and quaint.

Photocard license. I've got this, no problem. Wait. Oh, that's just bloody marvelous. I simply had to go and get myself a new wallet a couple of months ago. A slimmer model. One that doesn't contain all the unnecessary "STUFF" that I don't use on a daily basis. Like my UK photocard license. Now...if you were an insane, famished British gal, where would you have put your old wallet? In a flash of godknowswhat, I remember that I think I heard it fall down the back of the dresser about a month ago. Why yes, there it is!

OK, it's 6:30pm. Into the car I run, off to locate the only post office within a fifty mile radius to stay open past 5pm on a weekday. Small aside: What the hell, USPS? People don't work? C'mon already. I arrive at the wee place, and...c'mon, if you had to guess people. You've been following this story. You know how it ends.

Ha, they weren't closed. Those who guessed 'closed,' go directly to jail and do not collect £200. Or $200. Or anything. Sorry, not feeling particularly generous today. BUT, they did have a new system in place.

"Damned computers," the woman behind the register mutters. "Don't know why we need them in the first place. So much simpler without." Right, yes dear, you're 100% correct, now hand over the keyboard and mouse and nobody gets hurt. What? Not supposed to utter those words in a federal building? Whoops.

Together, we fuddle our way through the new system, trying to figure out how to express mail something internationally, when she reaches the Province question. "Which province is it, dear?"

Wales, I think. What? Wales isn't in there? OK...try South Glamorgan. Now look for Swansea. It's not there? Hmmmm...that's strange. OK, maybe it's Mid Glamorgan. Not there either? Hmmm... *pulls out Blackberry and starts typing furiously* West Glamorgan. Well now, that doesn't seem familiar at all, but whatever, it works. Did I mention I lived in Swansea for 2 years? Finally, my package is in the mail, my wallet is $27.95 lighter, and it will arrive on Wednesday. The day before the deadline.

And now, I'm off to stare at the ceiling for many hours. Because my life cannot handle this much excitement. DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE? STOP IT!

Not Endorsed by Anyone

Am I the only person who hates the use of the word 'Indorsement?' I was only just informed of its legitimate status as a word today. Upon Googling it, I expected to see a myriad of sites dedicated to just how stupid this word is, but apparently I am alone in my diagnosis. As I type this, it is harshly underlined in red. Google agrees with me. So long as the conglomerate that will someday run the entire world agrees with me, I'm happy. But seriously, we should ban it.

Heck, we as a human race is banning stupider words...

Potential Return

Hi all,

I know, I know, I've been freakishly absent. The truth is, I have so many stories to tell, but I guess I slipped into a bit of a depression back there, because I didn't think they were worth you listening to. Anyway, I'm working on getting out of the funk, and the first step of that was to actually sign into the blog for the first time in over a month.

So I return. And in this order, I will bestow upon you the stories of:

• The Korean seafood/beef platter


• The incessant Sarah Palin dreams


• The highs of actually having insurance now...


• ...and the lows of seeing my old doctor


• Our foray (Oh sweet Jesus, I just wrote fourway.) into the Blackberry lifestyle.

There might even be a story in there about Easy Bake Ovens. If you ask nice.

You stopped listening when I said fourway, didn't you? Gutterheads!

For now, I must bid you adieu, although I have not warranted this favor. Last night, I spent forty-five minutes on the deck finishing up Jeffrey Deaver's Roadside Crosses, and became mozzie-chum. Damn wee beasties. I'm all covered in lumps and bumps, and it's taking every last bit of will power (with which I am not particularly blessed) not to scratch off my own legs. Perhaps I will have Alice do it for me.

Today's WordOfTheDay: Scat: (noun)

1) dispersed feces or dung of wild carnivorous animals.

2) what was left in the ladies toilet stall that I walked into today.

I wanted to call the MonsterHunters on the discovery channel to investigate, but honestly, I'm pretty certain I could track the beast myself.

The toilets are the auto-flush kind, so it leads me to believe that what I saw was actually the remnants of what was there prior - and that thought haunts me.

What BUGS Me...

...are people who don't show up. DO NOT have your company ignore me for 5 days, then blow off the appointment you finally make when I took a half day of my own personal time off from work to sit here and wait for you.
Disrespectful little maggots who will feel my earthly wrath. You've remained nameless until now as I've given your company the chance at redemption. After today - the gloves are off.

When you run out of options, scream like a girl.

{Warning - a bit long...}
I'm laid back these days. So much so that people who knew me once upon a time really can't believe it's me. I attribute it to the meditation and my work on moving forward in my Buddhist practice and beliefs. This week, however, tested the gentle, calm waters that had been lapping at my feet and I must confess - I failed. At this point, I pretty much peed in the proverbial waters.

My central air conditioning has been in the process of being installed for quite some time now. There have been obstacles at every turn of this project, including random walls inside other walls that block the vents, odd sized openings for the returns, odd sized beams in the walls. The guy doing it is wonderful. Patient and so very 110% on the job. It's actually not his fault, but between the need to get custom made parts, plus waiting for other ordered pieces, waiting on the a/c people to show up to hook up the chemicals, dealing with the electrician to upgrade my electric and a hundred other things - it's drawn out over 6 weeks now. It's the middle of July and it's not in yet! As of today, the downstairs unit is working, however there are 2 vents not functioning at 100% and he's trying to figure out what convoluted reason there is for this. He's hoping to have the upstairs system finished and functioning by tomorrow morning, ending the a/c drama. Then we're extracting the wall a/c and patching the wall in the living room. I can't wait for that!

Second reason I am becoming more and more neurotic - Spiders. I will repeat the first section of this post - I am a gentle and calm person. I am a practicing Buddhist. I try to harm no living creature. I am not the biggest fan of spiders. I can handle them for the most part - scoop them unto some type of paper object and "assist" them in relocating to an area outside of my home. That makes it fine for me and everyone lives. It's a win-win. My problem started after my brother in law was bitten in his yard by a Brown Recluse Spider.


After seeing him go through the painful, nasty, leaky, flesh-destroying mess of a month in the hospital I have lost a lot of love for the species as a whole. Fear will do that. So, I enlisted the services of professional preventative pest control in an environmentally friendly way. I was pleased with myself and the steps I took to create a barrier for my home so I would not kill something in a reaction.

This seemed to fail, however, when the other night I saw about 2 dozen tiny little specks of spiders on my kitchen ceiling. Most were just milling about. Some were practicing the art of descending on their webs. They must have just been hatched or birthed or whatever the proper term would be. I caught 2 in a zip lock bag (that I'm venting daily to keep alive to show the pest guy to determine what they are before I let them go. The rest I swept off the ceiling and out the door. Within 20 minutes, there were a dozen more in the exact spot I had just cleared. I was beside myself. My sweetie cannot abide anything creepy or crawly, so I had to reassure her while trying hard not to panic myself while visions of the little bastards doing kamikaze missions into my ears and mouth while I'm sleeping crept into my head. I kept clearing them out. I fear some of them may have perished while I swept them out. They were tiny and difficult to track. The next day, several more were in the kitchen on in the same area of the ceiling. I tried to remove them in the same way. This has continued from Friday through the time of this posting. At first sight - I called my new pest friends. They were gone, but the corporate office assured me that they were processing my request for immediate service and gave me a reference number for when my branch called me the next morning to come out. I felt a little relief. The next morning, no call. Late morning - no call. I called them, no answer - not even a machine. It's a nationwide corporation. No machine? I called that night and Sunday, still battling the waves of little fuckers. I gave up on my branch and called corporate again. They gave me a new reference number and apologized and said the branch manager would contact me first thing this morning. At that count, I had banished over 40 of them. 40. Think about 40 tiny little spiders crawling in your home. How would you feel? I felt helpless. And they were RIGHT OVER MY SINK AND STOVE AND COUNTER!! Try thinking about making dinner now.

No call this morning. I called them. Rudeness and ignorance abounded. I countered with as much loving kindness as I could muster. I was informed the branch manager was not coming in today. I was also informed that they could try to fit me in on maybe Friday. Friday? That would make it an entire week from my first contact. Unacceptable behaviour! She said she'd call me back if they could fit me in and hung up. I immediately called corporate back. I told them I didn't want another reference number, as I already have two and they do no good. The woman I spoke to was patient and listened to what I had to say. I remained calm and explained the situation. She pulled up my account and saw my contacts and attempted contacts. She placed me on hold and made a conference call with me, my branch and herself. She introduced herself to them and said she'd wait on the line while they made an appropriate appointment to take care of my issue and resolved my problem. The branch person seemed really irritated, but the corporate person was polite and calm. She asked if there was anything else the branch could do for me and I paused and said calmly - "I need them to honor that contract and take me seriously. I paid very good money to NOT have to deal with this. It happened, that was okay, but then they needed to deal with it immediately and they didn't. Because of this, I had to KILL LIVING THINGS and that really upsets me!"

By now my voice had raised several octaves and I was on the brink of a shrill scream. "I do not kill things!! Do you understand!!?? I cannot take the life of something just because I am insanely and irrationally afraid of being bitten by a spider that will then spiral me into the same decomposing flesh nightmare my brother in law dealt with!!! Am I being unreasonable??!! AM I!!??" *heaving and gasping breaths to catch up to the fervor I was in*

Silence on the branch end, and I could hear the almost satisfied amusement and smugness in the corporate woman's voice as she said "I certainly hope that all of our employees share our commitment to satisfying your needs, and will take your concerns to heart. Can I count on this Miss. Whatshername?" I think she enjoyed making the branch woman squirm for not taking care of things the way she should have.

They are coming tomorrow around noon. I'll have to take time off from work, but at this point, it's worth it. I have things contained to the kitchen, but it needs to stay that way.

Yay for Corporate behaving in a way that made me feel valued. Boo to the local branch that is supposed to service me. I'm grumpy with them. Let's see what's in store for me when I get home!