Ok, I'm going to start some random new things on this blog. I was getting serious and heavy, but I want to balance it with the light. So, one thing I shall attempt is haiku for you. Some will be serious, others not. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or submit your own haikus to me via the shemail link on our blog. If we like it, and if Captain Alice lets us, we'll post up one a week.
So, I'll start us off.
Shed your vanity
If your mind can attribute
This haiku for you
Poignant, Opinionated, Feral and Female. Be scared. She Squared.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Vow Wows
Namaste!! After a wicked amount of requests, Lisa and I have agreed to post the vows we exchanged last week for you all on the blog. We are not posting the video capture publicly, so if you want the link to see it, please contact us personally or leave a comment.
As many of you are aware, I'm all about freedom of speech, expression, and having unfettered equality, so I say this before it goes ANY further -
If you have issues with SSM or CU's, then you need go no further, and please refrain from negative commenting, as it will simply be deleted.
If you like the vows and want to use them or some capacity please feel free. They are my own adaptation from a personal wedding ceremony by Lama Thubten Yeshea traditional lama.
We invoke the "No Thelma Thursday" rule. If it's Thursday, and you're name is Thelma - your laptop will self destruct in fifteen seconds.
On this note, Please enjoy!
Barbara and Lisa's Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
Rev Hatton: “Barbara and Lisa, in the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning. Difficult times will come as surely as the night. When things go joyously, find peace within yourselves. When things go badly, find that same peace. To say the words "love and compassion" is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy. With this in mind, is it your intention to continue this journey together?”
“It Is”
Buddhist Wedding Prayer
Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
Lama Thubten Yeshe
Vows
Barbara and Lisa, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life; and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“We do”
Do you pledge to see all difficult circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other; and to generate compassion for others who are suffering? Do you pledge to avoid becoming closed or opinionated, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?
“We do”
Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and joy?
“We do”
Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“We do”
When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness and joy that you met and shared what you have, and acceptance that we cannot hold on to anything forever?
“We do”
Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself?
“We do”
Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and attachment and instead focus on the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to work together for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?
“We do”
Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, knowing that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your teachers not to become discouraged?
“We do”
Do you pledge to continuously strive to remember your own Buddha nature, as well as the Buddha nature of all living beings? To maintain the awareness that all things are temporary, and to remain optimistic that you can achieve your greatest potential and lasting happiness.
“We do”
Exchanging of Rings
Rev Hatton: “These rings are the outward and visible symbols of the inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in partnership.”
Barbara: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Lisa: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Pronouncement
Rev Hatton: “By the power vested in me through the wishes of Barbara and Lisa, as well as the blessing of the lineage of their Spiritual Friends, I now pronounce you Loving Wives.” (Brides kiss)
Rev Hatton: “Namaste!”
Presenting and Congratulating the Couple
Rev Hatton: “May I present and congratulate Barbara and Lisa. May the world now see in this unity evidence of your connection, which previously existed only between your hearts.”
As many of you are aware, I'm all about freedom of speech, expression, and having unfettered equality, so I say this before it goes ANY further -
If you have issues with SSM or CU's, then you need go no further, and please refrain from negative commenting, as it will simply be deleted.
If you like the vows and want to use them or some capacity please feel free. They are my own adaptation from a personal wedding ceremony by Lama Thubten Yeshea traditional lama.
We invoke the "No Thelma Thursday" rule. If it's Thursday, and you're name is Thelma - your laptop will self destruct in fifteen seconds.
On this note, Please enjoy!
Barbara and Lisa's Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
Rev Hatton: “Barbara and Lisa, in the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning. Difficult times will come as surely as the night. When things go joyously, find peace within yourselves. When things go badly, find that same peace. To say the words "love and compassion" is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy. With this in mind, is it your intention to continue this journey together?”
“It Is”
Buddhist Wedding Prayer
Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
Lama Thubten Yeshe
Vows
Barbara and Lisa, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life; and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“We do”
Do you pledge to see all difficult circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other; and to generate compassion for others who are suffering? Do you pledge to avoid becoming closed or opinionated, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?
“We do”
Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and joy?
“We do”
Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“We do”
When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness and joy that you met and shared what you have, and acceptance that we cannot hold on to anything forever?
“We do”
Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself?
“We do”
Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and attachment and instead focus on the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to work together for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?
“We do”
Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, knowing that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your teachers not to become discouraged?
“We do”
Do you pledge to continuously strive to remember your own Buddha nature, as well as the Buddha nature of all living beings? To maintain the awareness that all things are temporary, and to remain optimistic that you can achieve your greatest potential and lasting happiness.
“We do”
Exchanging of Rings
Rev Hatton: “These rings are the outward and visible symbols of the inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in partnership.”
Barbara: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Lisa: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Pronouncement
Rev Hatton: “By the power vested in me through the wishes of Barbara and Lisa, as well as the blessing of the lineage of their Spiritual Friends, I now pronounce you Loving Wives.” (Brides kiss)
Rev Hatton: “Namaste!”
Presenting and Congratulating the Couple
Rev Hatton: “May I present and congratulate Barbara and Lisa. May the world now see in this unity evidence of your connection, which previously existed only between your hearts.”
Friday, June 11, 2010
Pillow Talk
Last night, my poor sweetie had an awful time getting off to sleep, mostly because I kept entering random fits of hysterics. Not over nothing, mind you, but because she was being funny. At one point, we had the following conversation:
Her: The kitten has an evil plot to kill me.
Me: This is true, yes. She's decidedly wicked.
Her: Do you know what would happen if I died?
Me: What?
Her: Not only would you be a widow, but you'd also be a homeless immigrant!
Then she proceeded to giggle nonstop for about a half hour. So it wasn't entirely my fault. Of course, I had to get my own back, but I didn't realize an opportunity would present itself quite so quickly.
We have this clock in our bedroom:
That strange circular part at the back isn't a government periscope, as you might understandably suspect at first; instead it projects the digits up onto the ceiling, so you don't have to roll over to see what time it is. In related news, we had a power cut earlier in the week, and I had yet to reset the clock.
I turned to her and said,
Me: Honey, look, it's 5:55 (the time it was displaying on the ceiling)
Her: Umf? (looks up) Maybe it's upside down.
Take a small moment to ponder that.
I'll wait.
Right-Side Up
Upside Down
Her: The kitten has an evil plot to kill me.
Me: This is true, yes. She's decidedly wicked.
Her: Do you know what would happen if I died?
Me: What?
Her: Not only would you be a widow, but you'd also be a homeless immigrant!
Then she proceeded to giggle nonstop for about a half hour. So it wasn't entirely my fault. Of course, I had to get my own back, but I didn't realize an opportunity would present itself quite so quickly.
We have this clock in our bedroom:
That strange circular part at the back isn't a government periscope, as you might understandably suspect at first; instead it projects the digits up onto the ceiling, so you don't have to roll over to see what time it is. In related news, we had a power cut earlier in the week, and I had yet to reset the clock.
I turned to her and said,
Me: Honey, look, it's 5:55 (the time it was displaying on the ceiling)
Her: Umf? (looks up) Maybe it's upside down.
Take a small moment to ponder that.
I'll wait.
Right-Side Up
Upside Down
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Lost in Translation
I love listening to two of my colleagues converse. They're both from the former Soviet Union, and it's just much easier for them to discuss problems in Russian than English. So we can all just be sitting there working when the room is suddenly filled with Russki dulcet tones.
Of course, in our business, not everything is translatable. So I will often hear (and no disrespect to any Russians, but I can't think of how else to write this):
Каков IP address?
and
Только Select выбор и поместите это в Cursor.
I find it all very amusing, and it reminds me of a time long ago, where I sat in a German movie theater to watch Independence Day for the first time. In German. I didn't understand a great deal of it at the time (although given its genre, most of the words were unnecessary), but what sticks out in my mind is the random utterances of "Mr President," "Big Mama," and "Independence Day" thrust into a slew of guttural vocabulary.
I've still never seen that in English.
Of course, in our business, not everything is translatable. So I will often hear (and no disrespect to any Russians, but I can't think of how else to write this):
Каков IP address?
and
Только Select выбор и поместите это в Cursor.
I find it all very amusing, and it reminds me of a time long ago, where I sat in a German movie theater to watch Independence Day for the first time. In German. I didn't understand a great deal of it at the time (although given its genre, most of the words were unnecessary), but what sticks out in my mind is the random utterances of "Mr President," "Big Mama," and "Independence Day" thrust into a slew of guttural vocabulary.
I've still never seen that in English.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Feminism is the new L word
In a conversation with a very male co-worker...
T: Yeah, the first time I went to college, I just didn't care at all. I just wanted to get wasted with my friends, so I didn't bother with course selection and ended up with some really crappy courses. I took Women's Studies one semester.
Me: Women's Studies? You?
T: Yeah. At first, I thought it was going to be great because my instructor was cute, but then it turned out she was a huge...
*pauses to look at me uncomfortably*
Me: What, T? She was a huge what?
T: Erm...Feminist?
*uncomfortable silence*
T: I sucked at that class.
T: Yeah, the first time I went to college, I just didn't care at all. I just wanted to get wasted with my friends, so I didn't bother with course selection and ended up with some really crappy courses. I took Women's Studies one semester.
Me: Women's Studies? You?
T: Yeah. At first, I thought it was going to be great because my instructor was cute, but then it turned out she was a huge...
*pauses to look at me uncomfortably*
Me: What, T? She was a huge what?
T: Erm...Feminist?
*uncomfortable silence*
T: I sucked at that class.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A Flurry, a Smattering, or a Downright Blizzard?
Today has been a day full of emotions, and I'm not really coherent enough to discuss them, but I need to lay them out because if I don't, they will eat me from the inside out, and I'll wake up in an ice bath.
I have issues with noise, which I probably attribute to my ADD. If there's too much going on around me, then the blood starts rushing around my head and makes me dizzy and irritable. So began our morning.
As I write this, the TV is on in the other room, the dishwasher just started up, and the roommate is making himself dinner. I blame this on nobody but myself, but my mental state just can't handle all the different things occurring, none of which require my attention, but all of which demand it.
Today was our beloved niece's birthday, and being as ill-prepared as I ever am (ok, I'm actually going to legitimately blame this one on working 12 days straight, nearing 10 hours a day), we ran to a local store to purchase a befitting gift. We were probably in the store for no more than 10-15 minutes, but returned to this:
Yeah, someone just went ahead and etched a huge ole "X" into the side of the Mini. I hate this shit. I don't know if it was just pure random rage on someone's part, the rainbow flag hanging from the mirror, or the Immigration Equality sign in the footwell, but it pisses me off. And rest assured, if I'd caught him, he'd be swinging from his balls right now while I granted him the same treatment.
It just so happened that there was a policeman in the parking lot, so my sweetie beckoned him over, and he began his write-up. We left him to it, as we were already late by this time, and didn't want to be show-stealers or anything like that once we finally made it to the party.
The wee one is just gorgeous, and coming on in leaps and bounds. She's walking around all over the place, chomping down Jello, and while looking you straight in the eye and smiling sweetly, will declare "Bye", when she wants to be left alone. One of her moms' best friends was visiting from out of town, with the three small children she has been fostering with the intention to adopt. Their parents had huge drug problems, not to mention the domestic abuse going on: seemed Daddy liked to beat his wife and eldest son, K. Mommy was given the chance to get her children back if she left Daddy, but she decided he was more important. So Melissa has paperwork in to adopt these adorable kids: K is around 3, M is his little brother, and is about 2, and then there's the baby sister A, who is three weeks younger than our niece.
I spent almost the entire afternoon either distracting A from when Mommy was going out of the room, or chasing M around the house. K is very shy; he's probably the only one old enough to remember, even subconsciously, the life that came before what is now being dangled before him. He warms up eventually, though. Towards the end of our visit, K found the big sharp knife meant for cutting the birthday cake on the table, and had it in his hand when Mommy caught him and yelled.
Oh my goodness, you've never seen a little boy have such a breakdown. And she's holding him and rocking with him on the sofa, and he's just shrieking. What really got me were the words she was whispering to him:
"I'm not going to hit you. I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, and that's why I shouted. I love you. I will always love you."
Yeah, that's pretty much the point at which I lost it. This tiny little family, Mommy doing it all on her own (and a DAMNED fine job, if I might add), and they just need her so much. It was heart-breaking.
Before we left, he was up and about again, shoving cake into my mouth with M, and giggling at my chomping on his fork, but I just wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him nobody was going to hurt him, ever again. I think they're going to be taking up space in my mind for quite a while to come.
I have issues with noise, which I probably attribute to my ADD. If there's too much going on around me, then
As I write this, the TV is on in the other room, the dishwasher just started up, and the roommate is making himself dinner. I blame this on nobody but myself, but my mental state just can't handle all the different things occurring, none of which require my attention, but all of which demand it.
Today was our beloved niece's birthday, and being as ill-prepared as I ever am (ok, I'm actually going to legitimately blame this one on working 12 days straight, nearing 10 hours a day), we ran to a local store to purchase a befitting gift. We were probably in the store for no more than 10-15 minutes, but returned to this:
Yeah, someone just went ahead and etched a huge ole "X" into the side of the Mini. I hate this shit. I don't know if it was just pure random rage on someone's part, the rainbow flag hanging from the mirror, or the Immigration Equality sign in the footwell, but it pisses me off. And rest assured, if I'd caught him, he'd be swinging from his balls right now while I granted him the same treatment.
It just so happened that there was a policeman in the parking lot, so my sweetie beckoned him over, and he began his write-up. We left him to it, as we were already late by this time, and didn't want to be show-stealers or anything like that once we finally made it to the party.
The wee one is just gorgeous, and coming on in leaps and bounds. She's walking around all over the place, chomping down Jello, and while looking you straight in the eye and smiling sweetly, will declare "Bye", when she wants to be left alone. One of her moms' best friends was visiting from out of town, with the three small children she has been fostering with the intention to adopt. Their parents had huge drug problems, not to mention the domestic abuse going on: seemed Daddy liked to beat his wife and eldest son, K. Mommy was given the chance to get her children back if she left Daddy, but she decided he was more important. So Melissa has paperwork in to adopt these adorable kids: K is around 3, M is his little brother, and is about 2, and then there's the baby sister A, who is three weeks younger than our niece.
I spent almost the entire afternoon either distracting A from when Mommy was going out of the room, or chasing M around the house. K is very shy; he's probably the only one old enough to remember, even subconsciously, the life that came before what is now being dangled before him. He warms up eventually, though. Towards the end of our visit, K found the big sharp knife meant for cutting the birthday cake on the table, and had it in his hand when Mommy caught him and yelled.
Oh my goodness, you've never seen a little boy have such a breakdown. And she's holding him and rocking with him on the sofa, and he's just shrieking. What really got me were the words she was whispering to him:
"I'm not going to hit you. I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, and that's why I shouted. I love you. I will always love you."
Yeah, that's pretty much the point at which I lost it. This tiny little family, Mommy doing it all on her own (and a DAMNED fine job, if I might add), and they just need her so much. It was heart-breaking.
Before we left, he was up and about again, shoving cake into my mouth with M, and giggling at my chomping on his fork, but I just wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him nobody was going to hurt him, ever again. I think they're going to be taking up space in my mind for quite a while to come.
Monday, March 29, 2010
A mini clarification
I was on the phone with my father yesterday for a brief spell: nothing serious, just catching up on life, the universe, and everything in between, including a bizarre intellectualization of Lady Gaga and her capitalizing on the odd and obscure.
The ending note of the conversation: I had been telling my father of certain troubles that have been plaguing us of late.
Dad: "Do you need me to send some money your way, in the interim?
Me: "No thanks, Dad, I think we'll be ok."
Dad: "Oh good. I just bought you that Mini for Christmas!"
*pause to think*
Me: "Dad! That was a keychain!"
Dad: "Semantics, Daughter-Dear."
The ending note of the conversation: I had been telling my father of certain troubles that have been plaguing us of late.
Dad: "Do you need me to send some money your way, in the interim?
Me: "No thanks, Dad, I think we'll be ok."
Dad: "Oh good. I just bought you that Mini for Christmas!"
*pause to think*
Me: "Dad! That was a keychain!"
Dad: "Semantics, Daughter-Dear."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Once More, With Feeling
Again and Again I speak about the 'hotel' I work in. It's usually quips of the ridiculous that happen, or a triumphant event that really makes me proud of the job I do. I hope you enjoy that as much as I enjoy writing it, but this time I need to (surprise) rant.
Some of you know the predicament management has created within our small contingent of specialized workers. It's ugly, unfair, and downright immoral. We stood up for ourselves, however, and are fighting every step of the way for our livelihood.
Today, we took a few steps backwards, and we're again embattled in the fight for our basic needs and a fair contract. I can't go into details here (lest I Dooce myself) but I'd appreciate all the kind thoughts and encouragement you can spare - and perhaps if anyone knows a good labor relations attorney, that'd be even better. We are an army of five, so our funding is small.
Enough groveling. Thanks for the ear/shoulder/lap. Hear from you soon.
Some of you know the predicament management has created within our small contingent of specialized workers. It's ugly, unfair, and downright immoral. We stood up for ourselves, however, and are fighting every step of the way for our livelihood.
Today, we took a few steps backwards, and we're again embattled in the fight for our basic needs and a fair contract. I can't go into details here (lest I Dooce myself) but I'd appreciate all the kind thoughts and encouragement you can spare - and perhaps if anyone knows a good labor relations attorney, that'd be even better. We are an army of five, so our funding is small.
Enough groveling. Thanks for the ear/shoulder/lap. Hear from you soon.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Suck it HARD
Yep. That's all for today. Your job is to decipher.
Is it:
Advice?
Demand?
Plea?
Statement?
Descriptive?
Wish?
Other: ____________?
Yeah, I'm burnt from this week. I'll be in the city for a show tonight, so photos of the debauchery shall be posted. Have a great night, all.
Is it:
Advice?
Demand?
Plea?
Statement?
Descriptive?
Wish?
Other: ____________?
Yeah, I'm burnt from this week. I'll be in the city for a show tonight, so photos of the debauchery shall be posted. Have a great night, all.
Friday, February 26, 2010
On A Roll
Ok, after writing that last post, I feel insanely happy and invigorated. Follow me here, it's related -
No matter what's happened in the past, no matter what I can expect in the future, I am giggly and gobsmacked to have the most wonderful woman in the world with me.
Yep. It's insane, and I can't express what an amazing feeling it is to wake up every day and think to myself - there is this freaky English chippy, right next to me. She knows all my secrets - the worst I've done, the best I've tried for, my failures and my success, the horrible me and the not as horrible me - and she knows and loves me for it all. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear, and it is a freedom I have never felt in my life.
I wish it for each and every person who stumbles across our humble blog.
Ok, I now return you to our regular types of blog posts, filled with amusement, random thoughts and observations, and likely - talk about excrement.
For putting up with my last 2 soppy posts, here's a picture:
No matter what's happened in the past, no matter what I can expect in the future, I am giggly and gobsmacked to have the most wonderful woman in the world with me.
Yep. It's insane, and I can't express what an amazing feeling it is to wake up every day and think to myself - there is this freaky English chippy, right next to me. She knows all my secrets - the worst I've done, the best I've tried for, my failures and my success, the horrible me and the not as horrible me - and she knows and loves me for it all. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear, and it is a freedom I have never felt in my life.
I wish it for each and every person who stumbles across our humble blog.
Ok, I now return you to our regular types of blog posts, filled with amusement, random thoughts and observations, and likely - talk about excrement.
For putting up with my last 2 soppy posts, here's a picture:
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