Boyfriend Material

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So, this upcoming election is like being in a continuously evolving relationship.  Marriage material.  Going steady.  Something more substantive than a booty call.
I was thinking about how there is a huge life altering choice ahead.  And somehow, I have to make it.  Also, I had to get these two (four) men out of the political media dance and into perspective I can understand. This is the analogy that came to me as I massaged my scalp in the shower.

I've been seeing my current beau - Barack - for almost 4 years now.  The relationship started with ferocity.  It was whirlwind romance at it's best, with courtship and promises galore.  We had similar, but not totally identical ideals, and I could deal with that.  (Ok, he is seeing another woman and has kids - but no one is perfect)  Honestly, I really can't give him too hard of a time, because I came with SUCH baggage from my last relationship.  It was a wonder I even tried to commit again.  But I did, and now I need to reevaluate my feelings.

Along comes Mitt, and I have to say, his approach was quite clumsy and while I do fall for goofy people, this was not the same thing.  This was a clumsy arrogance I couldn't really get comfortable with. I didn't like that a servant he ironed his jeans. Oddly, this is AFTER I sorted through a truckload of other potential suitors.    Newt was such a hypocrite.  I think he secretly wanted to create a harem.  Rick was, well... not the brightest bulb.  I'm still a little hooked on the sexual tension I got from Ron Paul.  *shiver*  But he never called back.  McMillan wouldn't stop shouting, and in a crowded movie theatre, it was embarrassing.  Herman refused to consider a gluten-free pizza and then I found out he had a bunch of crusts on the side.  Santorum left a bad taste in my mouth.  Michele kept wandering around my house  barking and telling me to call Miss Cleo.

So I had to take both guys on the things I knew - things I knew for myself or by virtue of actual verifiable facts.  I didn't want a hack private dick to follow them around, so I stalked them myself.

Mitt was new.  He was almost exciting.  Then he spoke.  I was bummed.  He seemed to be against most things I was for - but I don't count people out for that.  I consider that just because someone isn't FOR something doesn't mean they would go out of their way to create barriers, obstacles, or actual legislation against that same thing for others.  Oh.... wait... Crap.

I get along really well with Barack's pal Joe.  He's unpredictable, and sometimes he puts his foot in it, but you know where you stand with Joe, and he's fun at a BBQ.  He's also really cool with my eclectic bunch of friends.  At first I thought he'd be standoffish, but it turns out he even encouraged my man to take a deeper look and accept them like one of his own.  I thought he had tourrettes, but it turns out he just spits out what he's thinking and likes interesting words.  At least it's what he actually thinks!

I tried to have dinner with Mitt's best friend Paul.  It was a disaster!  We all went out to dinner, but it wasn't "fancy" enough for him.  Then we were invited to a small art gathering and he was grumpy and moody, saying that my friends were evil and he's against all the stuff they do.  He couldn't wait to get into office to ban a bunch of rights to protect his marriage and please his God.  I asked him about LGBT stuff and he thought it was a lunch sandwich.  I got a little pissed off, and when I stood up, I knocked a glass of soda onto the lap of the gentleman next to me.  Paul promptly had him arrested for murder because he thought the guy ejaculated in him pants, and then he wept for the "peoplehoods" who had perished in that guy's khakis.  Top it off, someone was playing RATM at the party and he started humming along.   Turns out he thought the band name was a play on words about a human ATM machine.  He never knew any lyrics, and no one likes the poser at the party who doesn't know the lyrics.

I love guns.  I know, shocker to some of my friends, but going north to the ranges and learning about different kinds and shooting them in safety and even owning some in a legal and safe fashion for fun sporting or for personal protection - I'm gooooooood with it.  So's Barack.   He's never indicated or even tried to implement otherwise, although others keep telling me he's going to take them.

So, after thinking long and hard about these issues, I came to the conclusion that I needed to give my relationship more time.  I mean, I wasn't kidding when I said I was a mess when we met - so how could I expect him to cut through all that crap and make my life perfect in four years?  It wasn't possible.  I'm NOT going to lie...  I do feel let down.  In many many ways, I feel like he let down the hopeful little girl I was by not following through on all the things he promised.  However, those are still things I want to get done, and if everyone broke it off with their significant honey just because they weren't getting all the "honey-do" list items done when we want them done - no one would be in a relationship anymore.  Also, it seems like my alternative would be someone I don't know.  At least - even in the beginning - I knew what Barack stood for.  With Mitt, I didn't like his ideals very much, but even those have been shaky from the start.  There is too much questionable information about and even from him. He reminds me of the guy who uses the good linen to make a pointy-hooded "ghost costume".  Don't get me started on Paul - just keep him away from my uterus.  So, while I might have been able to get through having differences of opinion, it's hard to do that when you can't figure out just what those people's opinions are.  And the few that they stand firm on go against my very core values and beliefs - right down to the probability of pushing members of my country, society, and family out of basic human rights and forcing us into a bizarre theologically based political platform of policy that doesn't have a plan to fund it or a basis of proven record.

So, congrats to my guy.  I'm behind him for this run.  I'm sure the next 70-something days will be filled with pandering, mudslinging, and gross misleasing claims on both sides - as this is the political toilet we've evolved into - but I'm trying to stay informed and open and positive. Granted, I'd love to be able to stand up and shout for him the way I did 4 years ago, but he'll have to regain my trust and earn that.  For now, I'll keep dreaming of Hillary the woman who almost came between us and being grateful for at the very least knowing the basic ideas he stands for.

Inner Peace vs Innards in Pieces

If a Miss America contestant came up to me spouting cheerfully about wanting world peace right this instant, I would punch her in the right boob and then backhand her for good measure.  Ok, I'd rather it be Michelle Bachmann spewing about the evils of tehGeys.   

How can I be certain those would be my exact actions?  Simple.  I'm right handed, so landing a good swing with my right fist lands it squarely on her right boob (all things considered equal in height and such), leaving me time to backhand her with the same offending hand while she grabbed said injured mammary and looked right at me with that wounded puppy shock and awe with mouth agape - ripe for the smacking.  I can almost hear the Prodigy pumping in the soundtrack for this moment in time.  Wait, maybe it'd be a Tom Petty tune.  

Gee, Barbara.  You are always the epitome of calm and rationale.  You study the Buddhist life path.  You are always settling arguments with compassion.  The Dalai Lama calls you for meditation advice when China is pissing him off and he wants to choke a bitch.  AND you're so pretty!
This is all so true, but there is an often overlooked caveat - I am PRACTICING this path in my life.  At this moment, I'd say that I need a little lot more practice. 

Yet, I still feel as though with all that is happening to me, in me, and around me - I am proud of how well I am holding up.  I am facing down lying political pricks who are stripping me bare of every basic right.  I'm fighting for my job and the jobs of the people I work with, since I'm in negotiations for my union.  I am battling fear over my own health issues.  I am at war grumpy with US Immigration and doing all in my power to stop them from separating me from my wife through deportation.  I have wanted to break down entirely and give up, but some good shines down.  Even though sometimes the good in disguised as a breakdown in our car, a tow to another state, sickness, obstacles - I smile back to think it meant spending more time with people I love, being 'forced' to slow things down, and generally look at things in different ways. 

Yep.  I'm still practicing and learning.  I'd love to be omnipotent and omniscient, and omnipresent, and omnivorous...  wait - I AM that last one for certain.  Well, the rest of 'em.  Yet, that would signal the end of my journey - and I don't think I'm really that evolved smart yet.  So, I subject myself to this world and it's people, and work very hard to overcome my own obstacles and practice compassion in my every day life.  Hopefully, I will continue to grow and brave these storms.  

In the meantime, I'm just itching to run into a pageant girl while I am still amped with residual unfocused anger.   Actually, I'm not picky.  I'd be just as happy punching a priest, nun, paedophile, country music star, or any Kardashian.  Oh Hell - I just want it to be Bachmann!