Apologies to the Past, with grateful tones and love to the future.

*warning - I am on an emotional sop kick atm. Read if you want, but I wrote it for myself.*


Today was one of those days: snowing hard, working the late shift in the "hotel", and with very few officers in the department today, there was a lot of time where my brain wandered. Oh fuck it, it packed a hobo bag and jumped a train without a destination.

It went to a very odd place, and I told Lisa about it when she brought me some coffee at HQ. I have NO clue what I did to deserve this woman, but I do not take it for granted and I have spent the better part of five years trying to be certain that I never do. Anywhoodle, in the freakish mindset I was in, it wandered to times and days that were less than stellar for me. I wasn't perseverating on the horrible things that happened to me in the past, but rather, the people in my past whom I've either wronged, not exactly righted, or who believe I wronged them in some way even if I am not aware of what transpired. Some of these people have blotted me from their lives, some are on the periphery where they exist but will not reach out or reach back if I do, and some are in my life again.

I found a few of these people (boredom combined with resources and detective/research skills = the ability to locate just about anyone on the planet). I was even able to locate a recent photo of one of the people, and she looks great - happy, healthy, and just as I remember her. It saddened me that something went so horribly wrong that I was eliminated from their life without a second thought. It really hurt. I felt like it wasn't right. then I took some of the time I was using to search and feel this way to realize that it doesn't matter a good goddamn what I think or feel about it. The only thing that matters is their reasoning. While I thought for a good number of years that I had grown a great deal, and that I had really come a long way mentally, emotionally, and physically - I was still hung up in a "But that's not fair! Why won't they talk to me and just work it out like adults!!?? Move on and be grateful that we're all alove and living happily??" Right there in my face was a huge stumbling block that kept me from being the strong and fair minded, compassionate and loving Buddhist that I believed I was. i was so focused on how I felt about it that I didn't think - "Well, maybe it's better for THEM to hate me. Maybe it makes whatever easier on them." That's the key.

I hate when I'm a moron and it takes a day like this to help me see something so basic and simple. I'm glad i did though. So, a shout out to a few of the wonderful people who were a part of my life in some way, and who have chosen to go a different path. It's sad in a way for me, because I could see such amazing relationships with some of these people, especially now that I know who and what I am in this world. I can only thank them for helping to create a part of me in the time that I knew them.

Thanks Carolyn, K, J, and R, Kathy, Alanna, Elzabeth, and a huge loving thank you to Barbara - You didn't leave by choice, but your death has always been one of the greatest losses I suffered in this world. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I carry you with me every day, and all of the lessons we learned together. Namaste, my love.

Huge love and thanks to all of my friends and family now. You all know who you are, and I am grateful to have you all, in all the countries and places you are - you dwell most in my heart. Not the least of whom is my love and fellow zombie-killing, meditation-chanting, clumsy-walking love. Thanks Gazelle. :) I'm glad you know me at this time in my life, when I have so much to give back to you.

A Week for the Books

Today starts a very hectic, tumultuous time of my life. Daddy is arriving tonight. As we speak, he is somewhere over the Atlantic. Here, to be exact:



On Thursday, I am finally graduating. Ten years after beginning my higher education. I'm trying to stay calm, and focus on the fact that it's less than 48 hours away. The truth is, I have this irrational fear that I will never be graduating. It's ridiculous, I know. I'm just fearful that because it's taken me so long, maybe it's never meant to happen. So focus, Lisa: 48 hours.

Saturday is party time, celebratory drinks galore. This past weekend, we hung out in New Hope at the Triumph with some of Barbara's school friends: Nora, Christine, Amy, Kim and Mike. It was a complete riot and I fell so in love with raspberry wheat beer that I brought home 3 flagons of it. So that is definitely on the cards this week, for sure! Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to the party. I'm not much of a partier, but this should be relatively small with the best people money can't buy.

Then, of course, comes Monday. Ah, Monday. The day I officially start work. I'm excited and terrified all at once. I need to impress the BossMan enough to get him to sponsor me, and I'm afraid I can't do it. Because, y'know, what's life without a little pressure, right? I'm sure it'll all be fine, but if you don't hear from us in a while, that's because Barbara's busy slapping the nonsense out of my head. Salut!

But Which KIND of Robin?

American or English?



Seriously, folks, I mentioned before that Robin gave us a boatload of material. Here's another two of her gems.

(While talking to a particular friend of ours, who happens to be decidedly Christian, Robin decides that dating advice is in order...)

Robin: At the end of the date, if all else fails, grab his junk.

M: Wuh?

(Later, as people are getting up to leave)

Robin: Enjoy your date, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

M: Oh, I probably won't...

On Complexities

While playing Guitar Hero, for the first time ever...

Kris: Wow, this is hard.

< pause >

Kris: This is even harder than math

Having the Most Amusing Friends

The below is an excerpt from my poetry course, a little something I wrote concerning Walt Whitman's "O Captain! My Captain!"

"You'll need to color me a little green, as far as American history goes, I'm afraid, but I wonder if there's any importance to the fact that Whitman wrote this just after Lincoln died. Is it possible he's using the ship as a metaphor for all the good that Lincoln managed to bring to the country (remember, please, I don't know what I'm talking about!), and commenting on Lincoln now not being here to enjoy it? Perhaps it was related to slavery?

Actually, I just looked up a basic Abraham Lincoln biography, and it seems his grandfather was a Captain in the revolutionary militia, and shared the same name. I would imagine that's just a coincidence, but it still struck me as interesting. Under that biography, however, I noticed that the Civil War ended just 6 days before Lincoln was shot, and that definitely seems like it could be the subject of O Captain! My Captain."

A few moments later, in a conversation with my buddy Kris, the following transpired:

Me: i'm totally about to cheat...and post one of my old poems to the main threaded discussion
Kris: lol nice
Me: :D Cheater cheater purple people eater
Kris: LMFAO wow Lisa... making reference to Abe Lincoln and learning the purple people eater song all in ONE day, you might as well be a fucking American citizen.
Me: Well done, hon, you just made the blog!

Eggs and Guatemalans

In which we headed to Egypt

This weekend saw us joined in New Jersey by the delightful Miss Tinita, which made Captain Alice (and us) very happy. There was breakfast, chatting, laughing, a movie, and above all else, coffee.

Yesterday morning Miss Tinita showed up on our doorstep, closely followed by Mom and Aunt Janie. I, in my one true display of domesticity, baked the only thing I can bake, Egg and 'Bacon' muffins. Slightly deviated from the recipe in the book, here I go:

Gazelle's Egg and 'Bacon' muffins
Yield: 12 muffins
10 Eggs (I use 2½ cups of Egg Beaters)
10 oz Canadian Bacon
Cheese. I don't know how much, just sprinkle!
and of course, a little bit of:



What? You don't like that? Fine, then try this instead:



Preheat oven to 350°. Mix together eggs, bacon and spike. Grease 12-holding muffin pan with PAM butter spray, then spoon the mixture into each individual muffin-hole. Cover with shredded/grated cheese (I use the 2% Kraft, either Mexican 4-Cheese, or Cheddar). Put in oven and bake for 25 minutes, or until yummy-looking.

So that's my recipe. Try it, nom it, let me know what you thought.

Dad and Uncle Jack showed up soon afterwards, and we all sat down to a nommy breakfast of the afore-mentioned muffins, and some chocolate muffins a là Aunt Janie and Mom's recipe book, along with some coffee cake, and of course what breakfast is complete without coffee itself?! In its purest form, it is sweet, sweet nectar of the gods.

We all sat and chatted over brekkie, and had a wonderful time. Aunt Janie and Uncle Jack got the tour of casa del Gazeligie, then Mom and Dad took them home to prepare spare ribs a là Famous Cole Recipe Book. Barbara and I took our beloved Tinita off to see Mamma Mia, which was just a riot. Seriously recommended. Afterwards was a necessary stop to Starbucks. I'm so in love with their Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino Light, that I could probably quite happily just move into our nearest one. What day can possibly compare to such a perfect one as yesterday?

One-Upped Like Whoa

After dinner with some great friends we were chatting at the house. I had just been thinking how great it was to spend quality time with a couple who are so fun, solid, secure and who are also attempting to expand their family. It's just great to see. So the conversation went:

K&S - Our vacuum is a Bissel, we bought one for my Dad when he wanted to replace his Oreck. He loves it and it was so much cheaper.

Me - I'm absolutely in LOVE with our Dyson. It's a huge deal for us and it's hypoallergenic, animal fur, hair and dander eliminating, and specially built to work for people with asthma. It was an expense, but I think it was so worth it. I mean (I continue to gush about this household appliance as though it was made of spun gold and could turn itself into Rosie the Robot of the Jetsons. Just whistle for a few minutes and pretend I have written out my part of the conversation, because I surely babbled about how happy I am with this vacuum for way longer than polite conversation about such things would permit. They were sweet not to say anything or cough loudly to let me know that they might be bored. Ok, I'm coming back into it now...) you couldn't imagine how amazing it works. It was over $600.00, but I think a great investment for us.

Lisa - Yeah, it was an economic stimulus purchase. (she smiles at me and I smile back)

K - We bought sperm.

Pwned.

Well played, Trebek. Well played.