Forget Swine Flu... It's Sudden Lesbian Syndrome!!

I thought the headline was another FARK joke, but no, I read on further to see that Oprah and CNN really issued reports and dedicated blog postings to this new affliction. My question is, where were these women 10 years ago, and why didn't I go to school to be a nurse in some specialty clinic for this!

In the interest of fair blogging, I offer you the links for CNN.com and Oprah.com articles, as well as the best photo of Her Majesty "O" I have ever seen.
Enjoy kids.




http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/23/o.women.leave.menfor.women/


http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2009/05/04/cnn-oprah-com-calls-sudden-lesbian-syndrome-new-trend-without-an

Alphabits Vomit

Remember that Alphabits cereal? Well, right now my brain feels a bit like a Alice in Wonderland sized bowel of it drowning in swirly milk, and I only have a piece of string to try to eat it with. So, in a jumbled fashion I am going to spew forth some of what is on my mind, and hope it does me some kind of good and keeps me out of an asylum. Please remember it's a stream of consciousness kind of thing, so if it makes no sense to you, you might be better off - and I am not responsible for any streams that it might trigger in you.

Hermaphrodite insensitive wankers users making days long and difficult choking feeling breathing meditating peace and calm washing over then turning to black big cysts or lumps or what they find and won't confirm or deny making it harder and harder to figure out how I feel and not concentrate on death and sickness Jesus shaped ducks and Jehovah's witnesses at my door early on a Saturday morning to have a 'discussion' unable to move in my own space unable to function normally walking on eggshells tired of the repetitive drama that is stale and old how many colors they now make for cars and how few of those are available on the specific model I choose value versus affording versus debt versus me and what's MY value? Debt vs. Me while others disavow responsibility and I shoulder even more as the weight crushes and I yell for the penguin to stop it from happening - Burma! but it's already exploded
wheezing when I'm face first to the wind and drowning in the daily routine of life knowing what needs to be done and lacking the ability to lift my arm

making excuses for the leeches around me and failing to get past my guilt of not being everything to everyone

loving the walk of the Buddhist path and yet lamenting (which I wouldn't if I was a better Buddhist) that I am not walking it well enough...
caffeine caramel and calories ball gazer dean Sparkling Silver is the name of the color of our car with black jacks.
frustration pouring out of my ears and they are on fire. my ears radiate heat and my throat runs dry with desperation, wanting to have the slightest bit of control over my life and knowing it's desperately out of my hands. Stop poking me in the stomach I don't like it!! don't pick the most inappropriate times to talk to me and don't assume I will always be here to wipe your ass
inconsiderate assmunchers destined to never overcome their own inability to grow the fuck up
i miss incense and candles Me time drained tired and unable to meet all the demands on me, but am I at fault for allowing these demands to be placed on me babies pink and brown and yoinks that deflate me travel getting into the new motor and just going. Driving north until i feel happy again, until I can breathe. bottom of the ninth, why are the red sox losing and why do I even feel responsible for that?? wish I could have seen the Dalai Lama today in Mass and even as i try ridding myself of desire, i want.


If you came this far, you deserve a treat. I don't even care that it's misspelled. He's so freaking adorable.

2 Girls, 1 CuppaHolyCrapWTFBBQ?

Ok, I guess I am slow on the uptake, and I really had no interest in seeing the internet phenom commonly referred to as "2G1C", however tonight L and I saw a link about fake "reactions" to the video by Kermit the Frog and Mario & Luigi. After watching the reactions, it seemed a harmless enough thing to just casually see what the fuss is about. For the record, we were on Wikipedia, looking up the proper term for fecal fetishism, which for you bibliophiles is "coprophagia" and is a killer for a scrabble game.

If you know me, then you know I am not a prude, I'm not shy, and not much shocks me. Lisa, for the most part, is a Brit version on me, so not too much shocking there. Tonight, after the approx. 2 minute clip had gone start to finish with us sitting, mouths agape and expressionless had a very short heart to heart. Here's how it went...

(outro of video clip ends...)

Me: Hon?

L: (After a few moments pause of someone suffering a trauma) Um... Yeah?

Me: Whatever happens, just... well... please don't ever ask me to do that.

L: Um... Seriously. (gags a bit) I need to leave the room. (Gags again and walks out as I turn to the screen to write this)

(End)

Still curious? Ok, but be warned - it's not from us, and it's not OF us. Good luck ever eating chocolate ice cream again. I'm scarred for life - and they weren't even pretty.
At Your Own Risk:

http://www.flurl.com/video/5496822_comments.htm

Conversation at "the Hotel"

"Bellhop #1" : Dude, parents are cruel. I feel bad for this dude.
"Concierge" : I've heard worse last names than "Hymen". It's not that bad.
"Bellhop #1" : True, I mean, I guess.

Pause

"Bellhop #2" (aka Me) : Yeah, like his first name could have been "Buster."


So, it only took a tiny "Buster Hymen" joke to make me giggle this morning.

Karmic Chameleon

This weekend brought about a lot of conversations that revolved around or involved in some way Karma. I believe in karma. I have believed in it in various ways over the years, and as I have grown up and taken the path more seriously, my understanding of it has changed greatly.

What I noticed right lately is that many people I know regard karma as a weapon or a revenge/payback method - kind of a pay-to-play for some. I see people who get hurt by others waiting around to see that person get hurt by another in return, and gleefully remark that it was the work of Karma. There are so many things about this trend that I see, and in some cases, the waiting for 'karmic retribution' overtakes that person's life, and they become miserable and preoccupied with the past, unable to live in the present while so consumed by all of the feelings and waiting.

I am no saint, and I know I was not a very nice person in my past. I am certain that there might still be a few people who are waiting to see a similar karmic kickback give a solid, stinging comic book-esque THWACK!! to my ass. While I can understand this feeling, and admit to having it myself before, I am really wanting these people to let go.

Easy for me to say, if I was the one who hurt them or wronged them; but I am saying it with the most open heart, and the most honest intentions. If I have learned lessons to share while on my own journey, surely this is a big one. Karma is the idea that your actions (and thoughts) will have an impact on your life, either now or in a future life. Reincarnation is one of the things often linked to the idea of karma. You might wait a lifetime to see something negative happen to someone, only to see them die before it does, or for you yourself to die without seeing anything. What has this gained for you? Nothing. You spent your life waiting for retribution, missing all of the wondrous and beautiful things that could happen to you in the meantime. You would miss living in the present. You could miss the chance to live freely, mindfully and happily. Just because you don't actively seek a physical revenge from someone does not mean that the revenge will not consume you. I have had to do this a lot in recent years. Consciously put aside the angers or the hurt that someone might have caused me. I had to fully let them go and not relate with past occurrences to interfere with my present life. Karma is not to be controlled by us, and we can only strive to be as aware of our actions as we can be, living mindfully, harming no one, and loving everyone. Forgiveness must be complete and total, or else you open yourself up to dwelling on things- and that will only cause more obstacles than you can overcome, and block you from reaching a true enlightened state.

Since my wish is for all the people on the earth to live harmoniously, peacefully, and lovingly I hope that all people; especially those who might feel that at some point in life I have brought them harm, hurt, or chaos; to move on from that place, and release themselves. You are the only person who can bring peace to your life. I'm not saying that the other people in your life are unimportant, or that loving them is unimportant. I am saying that your focus must be on yourself - and mindful living - to bring peace to yourself and those around you.

The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything

I don't want to say too much, because I'm a firm believer that if you gloat, brag, or think too positively, that the universe will hear and come after you. It thinks you are a cookie. A small, nommable cookie.

That said, while I was checking the USCIS website yesterday, I came across their H-1B update. They received only 42,000 visa applications which count towards the 65,000 cap. This means that, at the very least, somebody will be reviewing my application. Mine is one of the 42,000. This means that one of the hurdles I wrote about previously has now been jumped successfully. It's still going to take them about another 6 weeks to give me an answer, but I will be considered. This is a feat unto itself, and a small relief.

But not too much of a relief, because that universe is particularly peckish right now...

Hook Size Doesn't Matter When You Use Dynamite

***Because life is the away it is, I will, as always, speak obtusely and of course fictionally about the 'hotel' I work in. Wouldn't want to Dooce myself, so this is all a made up story. Yeah. ****

It feels like walking through a mine field at work lately. I have delusions that I'm in a war, and other solders are being blown to bits all around me, while I know I can just as easily step on the next mine. It reminds me of kids throwing dynamite into a river to see the unlucky fish float to the top.

Two part timers were laid off this week. No one or two weeks notice - just "buh-bye". It's disconcerting, and it's just really frustrating when you look at the bigger picture. He/She was brought into a room with several 'managers' to be let go. These managers make insane money. In-sane. I often wonder how some people can feel comfortable justifying earning the amounts they do when you equate it to the work they do. Seriously not an even trade. It's be like handing the guy who squeegees your car window on a NYC street about $10K each time, and I think they do more work. When you combine their salaries (and the fact that they did not get benefits) these two part time people made less than a quarter of just one of these managers' salaries, yet the lay offs were based on the economic stress and budgeting cuts in various departments of the hotel. What kind of hotel can function when the manager and the owner make all the money, and they refuse to hire/pay/keep any employees to run the hotel? I just don't know how some people sleep comfortably knowing the disparity. I'm not one to whine about injustice or things not being "fair", but watching someone lose their home while others are wondering if they can work a little overtime to get a newer Lexus, because the 2008 just wasn't new enough.

It is now impossible for any 2 people to be off on the same day, and have our department area of the hotel function. They also slashed budgeted monies so that it's not possible to pay for all regular hotel employees to be present at all required functions. It's as though there's a wedding in our hotel this weekend, but we can't pay the chefs, cooks, servers or bartenders to serve the guests. We still expect you to show up though!

Honestly - I'm all for tightening the belt, slimming the budget, and working together to keep costs down, but part of the idea of cutting budgets and such was to ensure we'd not lose employees - at least save the jobs even if we have to function a little less comfortably during this time.

What I am seeing instead are giddy and self-concerned uppers wielding a butcher's knife and hacking away at the little sinewy strands of tissue and skin that were meekly holding together the skeleton of the emaciated anorexic of a company.

/rant

People Scare Me

Ok, I was going to leave my last post as it, but I overheard something I need to share with you.

Woman 1: Did you know that this Sunday is English Mother's Day?
Woman 2: Why no, I didn't. How strange that it's on a different day.
Woman 1: Yeah, apparently they didn't want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, so they just made up another holiday.

Wait. What?

April Fool...

I'm relatively sure that my beloved has a post up her sleeves about our recent house appraisal, but instead of waiting for her to get a spare 5 seconds, I thought I'd just pop my head in.

This evening we are off to Pennsylvania to see our favorite group, Girlyman. If you haven't heard their music, or even heard of them, please go forth and check them out. You won't regret it. I have a bit of a crush on Ty. Heh.

In lieu of anything I have to say that might be interesting, I shall leave you with a small tale.

Yesterday, a co-worker of Barbara's at the infamous CoffeeLand decided it would make for a good April Fool if she came on to me. S is 21, cute as a button, and generally quite adorable, but I wanted to play. So, the conversation went something like this:

S: So...I have something to say, and it's really awkward for me to say it, and it'll be really awkward for you to hear it...but...I fancy you. (yes, she really used those words!)
Me: Ok. That's not too awkward. I'm flattered.
S: I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime? But I guess not.
Me: Oh, no! I'd love to.
S: Well, I know that you're with Barbara, so I'm sorry if I've overstepped any lines.
Me: Not at all. I'm not exactly monogamous. She doesn't know, but I like to have my fun on the side, otherwise life's too dull. You're not working Friday night, right? Barbara's working late. We could definitely hook up then.
S: Great. We'll go out for coffee or something.
Me (leering): Coffee's not exactly what I had in mind...

S: < panicked look > Erm... < nervous giggle > Ha! April Fool!
Me: Yeah, you too baby!

And for the first time in my life, I was really struck by a thought: Wow, I have NO desire to cheat on my girlfriend. That might read a little strange, I mean we've been together 4 years, but yeah...I'm still completely smitten, and have no desire to sabotage our life. It's a strange feeling. But I think I kinda like it.

Fingers Crossed

So today is the day I officially submitted my request to the US government that I might please, if they wouldn't mind awfully, be allowed to stay here and work for another 3 years. It looks like I won't find out whether or not my petition for H-1B status has been accepted for another 2 months, but I'd still like to ask you all to keep your fingers crossed for me. Otherwise, I might have to get married, and I'd really rather not.

I am slightly hooked on EagleCam. The Eaglets (tell me, is there a cuter word?) are expected in three days and I'm just glued to the screen watching Mommy and Daddy 'nesting', and collect fishies for them. It's truly adorable. I strongly recommend checking it out!