She Squared

Vanilla Chai Tea, How I Love Thee! -A Guest Post from Christy Cole Quast

2011-12-09T11:28:00.001-05:00

I have recently discovered (much to my already calorically-challenged dismay) Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Chai tea at my local DD near my office. Their mint hot chocolate is good, too--and nothing beats the SBUX Peppermint Mocha Latte, but I am here to talk about Dunkin. Seems that this delightfully sinful & seasonal hot beverage only comes in a Medium size. Do I look like a Medium gal to you?

So this morning I asked my guy, Raj, what was up with that--how come I can't get a large, or an extra-large--because I love them so much? So he shrugs and says matter-of-factly "so you buy another one when that one is done." That is a brilliant, almost dumber-than-a-bag-of-hammers marketing ploy, but I have to say it works! They're $2.50 each and I get 2 per day (WHAT?! Don't judge me!) so they got me there.

I think to myself, I don't want to make the trip TWICE, and I don't want to buy 2 Medium cups to have on my desk while I drink one, and have the other one sitting all alone, cooling... depressed.

Why oh Why Can't I Be LARGE!?!

So I decide to proposition Raj: will 2 Mediums fit in a Large cup? I'll pay for 2 Mediums, just put them in the same cup; Raj says it won't fit. *exaggerated eye-roll*

Then I ask, OK how about a Medium and a Small together in a Large cup; Raj says but we only sell Medium. *forehead slap*

I explain, yes, I know that--I will give you $6 (keep the change) if you just fill a Large cup with Vanilla Chai and charge me for 2 separate Mediums; Raj smiles and talks to me like I talk to my 4th grader--enunciating clearly, loudly and S-L-O-W-L-Y so I have a better chance at comprehending what he is trying to say: BUT THEY ONLY COME IN MEDIUM. *feels a migraine coming on*

Of course, this is 8:15am this morning, and the line was getting longer. And before the woman behind me could gouge my eyes out with one of those sharp plastic coffee stirrers, I capitulated and admitted defeat; Raj has won this round, but I'll be back tomorrow to try and wear him down. Oh yes--I recognize a challenge when I see one; you'd better brew with one eye open, Raj because I'M COMING FOR YOU!

Forget the Mayan Calendar - My Dreams Could Create Worldwide Panic!

2011-11-29T11:05:00.001-05:00

I had a horrid night last night, with dreams within dreams that I struggled to awake from, only to find I was awake inside of another dream. At times I was crouched and sweating on the floor of my room next to the bed trying to collate the fractured pieces of the dreams that I could remember. I'm going to stream of consciousness what I can right here and now to get some of it out. I will also note that several people I spoke to today have told me that last night was restless or nightmare ridden for them as well. Interesting.

So, here we go: Familiar spaces, like homes I have lived in or stayed in all bungled into one string-like scene where everything took place.

Even in the dreams, I was mostly in a bedroom area, trying to stop something from clawing into the room through the wall. Most times I got a glimpse of what/who was clawing, it was a small girl, dark and long hair, sometimes in anime fashion, sometimes in a very "The Grudge" way.

Just when I thought I had woken up, this essentially shit me awake.

At other times in the dream, it would switch to a perspective where I wasn't being hunted or haunted, but instead, it was up to me to keep people I love safe. It was kind of a surreal Walking Dead/American Horror Story Basement/Resident Evil landscape. It was trippy. No cars worked, no escapes were possible, but I had to fight off evil and clever monsters. One such resembled her

Continual battle of the pointy teeth and my flesh.

No matter how hard I tried, I was torn to bits, and someone I cared for took a decent hit/got a chunk taken from them. I continued to wake partly, into another dream where I was in my actual room - every detail was correct - but I wasn't really awake, and I couldn't move well, and inevitably something was coming for me and I had no defenses. Once it would get within striking distance, it would lunge, and I would muster up enough to physically scream myself awake. This happened several times. I finally gave up, stopped hyperventilating, and stayed awake for the rest of the early morning.

It wasn't just in my 'hood'. I got the impression that it was happening all over, and that I was only privy to seeing what was directly around me or what impacted me. I did note that I never felt as though Lisa was in danger, so I guess the south is protected in some way.

Look how the monster hides behind a little fishy.

Pity, Not So Much of a Party.

2011-11-27T17:40:00.001-05:00

Forgive the whimper, but better that than wine.... Oh! The puns!

Seriously though, this has been my frame of mind for a while now, and I'm wondering if I've reached a breaking point. Thinking back - some of you know from my earlier stuff that I started addictions early.

Me Grocery Shopping circa 1976

I've been a quietly sober adult for somewhere around 17+ years now. I did it the hard way, and I did it many times in the beginning, but it's been a solid run for about 16 years. A lot of folks will tell you that 'you ain't done it right if you only done it once...' heh - I digress.

Now I'm having a horrible crisis of staying power. I'm up to my neck in troubling issues - but who isn't in this crazy world? I'm reaching the point where it's frustrating me that so many people can turn off the bright fractured light that scorches my eye sockets daily. I feel pain, sadness, fear beyond belief every day for the last few months. I do all I can to control it, and deal with it. At the end of most days, I'm talking myself down from a panic attack just to get to sleep for a few hours. So, I'm fretting hard because in my mind, I'm convincing myself that I've been soooooooo gooooooood for sooooooo loooooong that I should be fine if I just grab a quick drink or two. And I know where that thought process leads, but I'm seriously not feeling all that compassionate towards myself in this predicament. I see close friends and family who obliterate themselves in the name of self pity, and I think "Why can't I take a little pity on the rocks for myself as well?" I'm very confident that I wouldn't escalate from a Jack 'n Coke to a needle. I really think that I can control myself, but the tiny bit of doubt has me sweating. What if I'm wrong? What if I undo all those years of work? Sometimes I get selfishly grumpy that no one has to know my suffering about NOT being able to drink until I no longer have to think about shit. I get to hear about how others had a bad day, so they are off to forget about it. I can't forget. I am not allowed to use the shut off valve any more, and it really really fucking sucks. So, for now, I'll post stupid demotivational pics on here and convince myself that I'm just being a whiny bitch and go drink some fucking tea. Yeah me. Woo.

HS Graduation?

I've seen so many toilets, and loved them all!

Yeah. I had those friends too.

Keep on WALKEN!!

2011-11-18T14:44:00.001-05:00

Yeah Yeah... I'm the mistress of bad puns, but I can't help it. I just wanted to share something non-law suit related that isn't depressing and whiny. So, I want to give a quick mega-mega thumbs up to a flick I just caught on cable last night. (I can tell I'm getting old - I just called a movie channel on tv "cable") I stumbled across it last night, and I will watch any-fecking-thing that has Christopher Walken. Serious, funny, violent, sweet - I don't care. He is THE MAN.

I digress. So I found The Addiction last night and I was transfixed. First, Abel Ferrara made a visual stunner. A very high contrast B&W brought out the perfection of the moods in ever scene. Stellar performance by Lili Taylor. I was shocked to see Anabella Sciorra, Edie Falco, Kathryn Erbe, and a few others I recognized. The general gist is the idea of Vampirism in a more visceral, real form centered in NYC with a huge emphasis on status, philosophy, good vs. evil and in-depth theories of addiction. The addiction side is not a hidden theme, as it's literally compared to drug addiction, even going so far as to have Walken's character (a long time vamp who has retrained his body to adapt to not feeding, and to eat, sleep and behave in human society) say to Taylor's younger and uncontrolled vamp character "You know how long I've been fasting? Forty years. The last time I shot up, I had a dozen and a half in one night. They fall like flies before the hunger, don't they? You can never get enough, can you? But you learn to control it. You learn, like the Tibetans, to survive on a little." She briefly attempts this, meanwhile achieving her pre-vamp goal of her PhD, only to be unable to resist the blood lust; and with the help of her fledglings slaughter the very faculty and staff after graduation at a small soiree Taylor has a very drug-OD moment in the streets of NY and the voice says "We drink to escape the fact we're alcoholics. Existence is the search for relief from our habit, and our habit is the only relief we can find." in a poignant reference to why she did it. I've never felt as though someone could capture the true feeling of that kind of addiction, but it truly was perfect.

It does get a little obtuse at times, venturing into almost pretentious goth emo-ism, however, these tangents aren't long lasting, and Taylor more than convinces you that even if you aren't understanding what she's saying, it's of vital importence and you let it go. I get the deeper meanings I wasn't thrilled at all with the ending, which appeared to be a vague and uncertain copout, but then again, I might have missed something. I really enjoyed when Taylor lays out her horror at what she is, in the grand scheme of the world, and yet the wording is perfect to open it to every individual, of humans as one race - "I finally understand what all this is, how it was all possible. Now I see, good lord, how we must look from out there. Our addiction is evil. The propensity for this evil lies in our weakness before it. Kierkegaard was right - there is an awful precipice before us. But he was wrong about the leap - there's a difference between jumping and being pushed. You reach a point where you are forced to face your own needs, and the fact that you can't terminate the situation settles on you with full force." All in all, Taylor and my beloved Walken give amazing performances that demand to be watched with riveted eyes. I strongly recommend this flick! It's not available for rental, as far as I can find. I think you'd need to look it up on your cable provider. It's worth it!

And now, MY moment of Walken...

A Douche A Day...

2011-10-25T18:07:00.002-04:00

Well, you know the rest of that rhyme. I just had to stop and say that I encountered a douche of ginormous proportions today, and I have to say, I am sincerely glad that I did. Here's why.

I don't know this person, I only know of him through a friend. He said some things of douche nozzle style, and, hard as it is to believe this - I actually took it kinda poorly. Admittedly - I'm dealing with a lot on my plate (see: epic court battle plus my work stress, plus the possibility to my wife being deported, therefore leaving us no choice but to relocate in another country due to the unfair and unequal laws of my beloved country). Still, what was said was a monumentally douche canoe thing to say. I felt shame, guilt, helplessness and just plain dirty all over again. But here's the catch -

I hadn't been dealing with it, and allowing this person's stinky ways to make me feel powerless left me feeling, not so fresh. When I took a step back, took a deep breath (through my mouth, because, well... not so fresh) and realized that I was not in control of myself. Relief washed over me. I felt cleansed and renewed. I really got up in there and changed my perspective, and it mirrored what I've been feeling about someone else lately who is behaving in a very similar fashion. The emotions were spurting forth, and I was so full of energy, I wanted to play tennis or ride a horse.

So, Thanks a heap to the tremendous douches I encounter in this world. As I learn to deal with each of you, I learn to deal with myself, and in this way the douche canoes of the universe really can't hurt me anymore.

Oh, and don't forget that the top of this page has a shiny donation button - in case you want to help us with a deeper clean! ;)

A Halloween Reverse Trick or Treat!!

2011-10-24T07:44:00.001-04:00

Hello Guys and Ghouls We've been a little absent - or ghostly even. I wanted to post a quick note to explain that there is a shiny new feature on our blog. It is nothing we ever wanted to put there, and it's a humbling and almost embarrassing thing to have to resort to, but those of you who know our current situation will know why it's there. It's a shiny new pretty yellow PayPal Donate button. We've set up a secure way to have friends, family, strangers who support the cause, or random drive bys to help us out. We have no illusions that we'd make the $15K we need to raise this week, but the point of the donation button is that even a dollar here and there will totally help defray the costs and keep us afloat while we do battle in courts of law.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, help us defend our castle and lives against an evil ogre! Wear a costume while you donate. Wear costumes while you share our link with other costume wearing folk. I can't promise any candy in return (and I can't say anything about tax breaks because we aren't a non-profit) but I will tell you that fighting to keep Lisa and I together in the home we made together for 6 years, that is indeed a tasty, chocolate wrapped prospect that we can all share in.

No matter if you can help with donations, spreading the word and the link, or just leaving us some words of encouragement - it's all anon anyway, and we love each and every person who takes the time even just to read this and think about us - send us some good energy for the battle ahead. It's taking a toll, but we won't let the Troll win!
If anyone wants more in depth information about what is going on and why we are doing this, paying no attention to the man behind the curtain, contact us privately. All I will say is, what would normally be a small inconvenience for most US citizens becomes a battle to prove our side to avoid deportation. Unlike the opposition, we will remain tactful and professional. The best revenge isn't revenge at all - it's using the truth to prevail in unfair situations without sinking to a scummy level.

So, Alice, Lisa and I thank you - for anything and everything you do. <3 <3 <3

Wistful Thinking

2011-08-04T11:00:00.000-04:00

I am becoming a bit disheartened by the way life has become extremely Sisyphean of late. I have maintained a positive outlook for so long, that I've confused it with a version of reality that simply does not exist.
While I do love me some Camus, I disagree with his noted take on the myth (in his "The Myth of Sisyphus") saying "'Sisyphus as personifying the absurdity of human life, but "one must imagine Sisyphus happy" as "The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.'"

Ummmm. No. While I am 100% about the path and the journey, I believe that the episodes that present themselves to us are learning tools and opportunities of all kinds. i believe that they have purpose, and therefore can be ignored, attempted, abandoned, accomplished, or truly inspiring. I also believe - if you follow the original myth - that the punishment fit for his trickery of the Gods has nothing to do with 'normal' human suffering. In a way, I could see it as an addended version of reliving our lives to learn the lessons we failed to grasp. More than this, I see a connection to what is gained by hard work. This would emphasize the issue I am dealing with right now. I cannot find a correlation to the extertion I put forth and the result that is achieved.

I have lost a valuable sense of self worth, and in this aspect, I feel as though I am in a Sisyphean struggle... a constrant struggle both inner and outer to achieve value of self and the vain struggle for knowledge that continues to elude me. The struggle for financial worth - while a noted part of human suffering as per my own Buddhist ideology - is something I cannot give up. In this day and age, the very best a person can hope for is employment that offers the main components within living th 8-Fold Path. Right Livelihood is one of the things I strived for. The rest of how I try to live is as follows - Formatted for my Geek Friends:

I am trying, but I feel a little conflicted and alone sometimes, and I do not wish to cause others to shoulder the boulder, as it were, along with me.

I'd love comments, advice, or just thoughts from others about similar feelings or even opposing feelings. Let's sit with coffee and discuss.

*sits back waiting*

Inner Peace vs Innards in Pieces

2011-07-13T14:16:00.000-04:00

If a Miss America contestant came up to me spouting cheerfully about wanting world peace right this instant, I would punch her in the right boob and then backhand her for good measure. Ok, I'd rather it be Michelle Bachmann spewing about the evils of tehGeys.

How can I be certain those would be my exact actions? Simple. I'm right handed, so landing a good swing with my right fist lands it squarely on her right boob (all things considered equal in height and such), leaving me time to backhand her with the same offending hand while she grabbed said injured mammary and looked right at me with that wounded puppy shock and awe with mouth agape - ripe for the smacking. I can almost hear the Prodigy pumping in the soundtrack for this moment in time. Wait, maybe it'd be a Tom Petty tune.

Gee, Barbara. You are always the epitome of calm and rationale. You study the Buddhist life path. You are always settling arguments with compassion. The Dalai Lama calls you for meditation advice when China is pissing him off and he wants to choke a bitch. AND you're so pretty!
This is all so true, but there is an often overlooked caveat - I am PRACTICING this path in my life. At this moment, I'd say that I need a ~~little~~ lot more practice.

Yet, I still feel as though with all that is happening to me, in me, and around me - I am proud of how well I am holding up. I am facing down lying political pricks who are stripping me bare of every basic right. I'm fighting for my job and the jobs of the people I work with, since I'm in negotiations for my union. I am battling fear over my own health issues. I am ~~at war~~ grumpy with US Immigration and doing all in my power to stop them from separating me from my wife through deportation. I have wanted to break down entirely and give up, but some good shines down. Even though sometimes the good in disguised as a breakdown in our car, a tow to another state, sickness, obstacles - I smile back to think it meant spending more time with people I love, being 'forced' to slow things down, and generally look at things in different ways.

Yep. I'm still practicing and learning. I'd love to be omnipotent and omniscient, and omnipresent, and omnivorous... wait - I AM that last one for certain. Well, the rest of 'em. Yet, that would signal the end of my journey - and I don't think I'm really that ~~evolved~~ smart yet. So, I subject myself to this world and it's people, and work very hard to overcome my own obstacles and practice compassion in my every day life. Hopefully, I will continue to grow and brave these storms.

In the meantime, I'm just itching to run into a pageant girl while I am still amped with residual unfocused anger. Actually, I'm not picky. I'd be just as happy punching a priest, nun, paedophile, country music star, or any Kardashian. Oh Hell - I just want it to be Bachmann!

Of Teeth and Fairies

2011-04-07T13:49:00.000-04:00

Today, Lisa officially lost her wisdom... teeth. Or some of them, anyway. My Mom was gracious enough to accompany her, take her home, and stay with her since I am here at work and HATE dentists. I figured that it was better that Lisa was with someone who has had a LOT of practice with dentist patients, since I was almost constantly have procedures done for most of my young and teen life. I detest the dentist. Not the person, mind you, but what that person does. Therefore, not having me by her side freaking out and lamenting the evils of the profession was something I believe to be a good thing.

I got a call that all went well, and that she's home resting with my Mom looking after her. I'm glad to have the juicer now because it will be a great way to get nutrition into her without her having to chew on anything. I'll try to throw something interesting together for tonight's "meal" for her. Muah ha ha!

Send the poor lass some love if you get the time. She'll enjoy reading the well wishes when she's coherent.

Kristen Gillibrand and DOMA

2011-03-15T10:16:00.004-04:00

A small forewarning - this might sound like advocacy. That's because it is.

Senator Kristen Gillibrand has been a HUGE help to the LGBT community over the last 6 months, and I've said before that personally, if it wouldn't split up two marriages, I would happily have her babies. Currently, she's leading an initiative to help repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). This is a big deal for me and the wife, because it would mean that she could sponsor me - in the same way as a heterosexual citizen can sponsor their spouse. We're over the $100,000 mark on how much we've spent for the luxury of spending the last 5 years together in the same country - this would not only reduce our financial burden, but also make it possible for couples who don't have assets they can so easily liquify. It's also the right thing to do.

Kirsten says:

"Recently, President Obama ordered the Justice Department to stop defending DOMA in federal court. This is a huge first step, but the fact is that as long as DOMA remains on the books it will continue to be enforced until Congress repeals it legislatively."

DOMA is an indefensible, unconstitutional law that denies rights to far too many of its citizens. I'd quote a figure there, but the polls always come out with totally different numbers. I will tell you, though, that there are 1,138 rights denied to US citizens because of this unjust law.

Suffice to say, that the documented 'safe' guess of binational couples in which one partner is a US citizen is 36,000. We know it's more.

Give me a reason why I should not have the right to marry the person I love. If it's religious in nature, please remember that this country is not a theocracy, and that your God is probably not the same as mine - and neither has more power over the constitution of one country than the other.

There are many other reasons to support the repeal of DOMA - but on this blog, and in our house, the immigration rights are the most important.

Please support Kirsten Gillibrand, and Senator Dianne Feinstein in their introduction tomorrow of legislation that will repeal DOMA, once and for all.

You can show your support by signing this letter, urging Congress to repeal this discriminatory and unconstitutional law. We couldn't thank you enough. This has to go - and with a Republican-controlled House, right now it's going to be a tough, tough fight.

Haunt Couture and Strange Things Done. Dynamic Duo!

2010-12-26T12:35:00.000-05:00

We've been busy little bugs of late. Some good stuff, some not so good, and some amazingly great. Will post something soon, but in the meantime, I wanted to give you all a link to a blog of someone spectacular to me, Miss Haunt Couture. Ok, in my life she's known as Melissa Joy Crawford. You can see her accolades on IMDB. Even more impressive to me, you can see her continuing and very extraordinary work almost daily in NYC on Broadway. (currently working on Pee Wee's Playhouse on Broadway!) There, she is a costume designer, effects person, and likely a whole bunch of other things I know nothing about. Please, stop by her site or look her up - Google her or whatever. She's truly someone worth knowing!
So, Check out MJ at Haunt Couture

Side note - Her beau, John Matthews, is a fantastical musician, and his band Strange Things Done in the Midnight Sun, can be seen in NJ and NY all the time. I don't know much more, but they do have some videos on You Tube and such. Strange Things @ mySpace or at Strange Things @ FaceBook

You can thank me later.

Another fun thing for you to look up on this snowy Boxing Day!

Bad Bad Wife

2010-11-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

That's me. I'm a bad wife.

This year has had so much going on for me, what with a potential move to Ethiopia, massive panic over impending 30-tude, and getting increasingly involved in politics. It's had so much going on that I have inadvertently completely thrown everybody I care about by the wayside. I don't know what my Wife wants for Rohatsu.

I could look within myself and pull up things that I know she loves, but I've been so damned introspective for most of the year, that I don't even know what those things are right now. It's been all "Me-me-me."

Next year will be better. Next year will NOT be all about me.

For now though, I'm taking gift suggestions...

We All Have A Story

2010-10-05T12:05:00.000-04:00

      In light of the recent suicides that are rocking our nation and draining the light from so many people, I have decided to share a tiny bit of myself and my story in the hopes that I might inspire at least one person to decide that it can, in fact, get better. I will leave the vast majority of details out of this telling – for the sake of family and friends who do not need or want to know them. What is important will remain.

We All Have a Story

     Late Saturday night on an exceptionally humid June night, I stepped out of my apartment to walk the short distance to the tiny market for things to drink. Nothing was left in the apartment I shared with a girl who worked with me, and it was filled with all sorts of random people she invited over, so going out into that air was a relief from the smoky air rife with random degrees of body odor and patchouli that permeated the apartment. It is a big city sky overhead and the streetlights were sparkly in the hazy air.

     I greeted the Korean man who owned the small corner convenience store as always, and waved at his wife who was knitting in the back corner by the coolers. After grabbing a few bottles of Snapple and soda, I walked back over to the register, paid and started to head home. Once outside, I lit a Camel Red and looked around, leaning back on the brick building. It had been (or more correctly, it still was) Pride weekend in the city, and although the parade ended hours ago while it was still daylight, you could still hear some music in the streets, and see people bounding from one location to another in big, happy, giggling groups. Some groups were dispersing for the night, and others looked like they were just meeting up to begin theirs. The promise of fun was tempting, but I had a pillow with my name on it, and an early shift at work waiting for me.

     I blew out the smoke I was holding in my lungs, contemplated the nub of the cigarette that was left, and crushed it out on the sole of my Doc Martins. I was only running to the store, so I threw on what I could, and I now assessed my ensemble. Cut off jean shorts, a thin ribbed tank, and a light faded flannel tied around my waist. Good thing I wasn’t going to run into friends like this.

     I set off for the apartment with my bevy of beverages, the perspiration gathering on my top lip. I was wishing I had worn socks of some sort, because even my feet were sweating and slipping around in the Docs. I rounded the corner from the market and almost plowed head first into a small group of three. I jerked back and grunted the perfunctory apology and continued down the block. I hadn’t gotten more than about 8 feet when I heard a female voice from behind me hiss “Watch yourself, Dyke.”

     I’d been in the city long enough to know that you learn what battles to pick, and this wasn’t one of them. I didn’t even turn around, but kept my head down and kept walking. Names, hostility, and some criminal mischief seemed to come with the territory, but so far, I’d never really been scared so I shrugged these kids off too. That wasn’t going to be the end of it this, however.

     I heard a shuffling of footsteps approaching from behind, and I wheeled around, ready to defend myself with more apologies. They were right up on me – two guys about 17 and maybe 20, and a blonde girl about my age in heavy make up, jeans, and an old college sweatshirt.

     “I really didn’t mean to bump into you. Sorry if I disturbed you.” I made to turn around and walk away. Walk away, the smart thing to do – so I had always been told and still believe to a point.

     “Oh, you disturbed me, alright, Dyke.” That last word came out like spit between her teeth. “I saw you looking at me, and it’s not alright. Just because you have some parade or something doesn’t mean you get all the pussy you want. Most of the women here are normal. Stop spreading your sickness or Aids will stop you anyway.” She was glaring at me, and her friends were nodding.

     “Ok, gotcha. You aren’t my type anyway, so please have a good night, and I won’t be bothering you anymore.” I turned on my heel and quick stepped it out of there. I was around the next corner and a little way down the block before I took another breath.

     “Shitheaded homophobes” I breathed out to myself. I tried to shake it off, and tried to bounce in my step again. I started thinking about how tired I was, and how much I looked forward to sleep tonight. I also needed to talk to Dust, my roomie, about expenses, but that would wait for another night. I dug into my front jeans pocket for my Camels to calm me. I never heard them coming.

     The first thing I heard was a heavy step right behind me, and I felt a heavy blow to my left cheek as I turned, followed by a fist to my stomach. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, and I couldn’t stand. I dropped to my knees, the bag of drinks spilling to the sidewalk behind me. I could taste the rust of blood in my mouth. I opened my right eye and saw the three of them arced around me, the female in the middle.

     “You saw her. She was looking at me all lesbian. That’s disgusting. Hold her down” she spat.

     “No, I… I didn’t mean, I wasn’t…” I barely managed to squeak out.

     “Save it, Dyke. We don’t like gays here. Fags are gross, so we get rid of them since the police won’t. No parades or twinks around to save you now, are there?” she taunted. “I said hold her”

     They grabbed my arms and held them out while she delivered several kicks to my chest and stomach. Pain tore through me, and I couldn’t move, breathe or beg. She picked up a small bottle sitting on the steps of an apartment building next to her and smashed it into my face. I saw the bright hot light of pain, heard talking, but then mercifully passed out while they continued to rein punches and kicks to my head and body. As I went out, I begged any God to spare my family finding me. We hadn’t had a lot of contact since I left home, and I realized it might have been to save them from finding out about this ending.

     I woke up several days later in an area hospital. The only other person in the room was a guy in the next bed who heard me sputter a little as I came around.

     “Hey, you’re awake? They beat you a good one. Surprised you wanted to wake up.” He rolled away from me and watched his tv.

     Tears rolled down my face as I realized a number of things. There was no one there for me. There was no one for the hospital to contact for me, to claim me, to help me. I called my roommate from the phone in the room, trying to work my jaw and swollen lips around my teeth. How I still had my teeth, I don’t understand. The phone rang and rang until a guy picked it up. I asked for Dust, but he said she’d split two days ago after I didn’t come home, and he had taken over the apartment. He said my stuff was in the basement if I wanted it, or what was left of it.

    I hung up as sobs escaped me. I had no home to go to. I had no friends to call. The only thing I could think of was how to escape this life. I had a habit I could return to. It could dull my senses, or if I could find the money to afford it, it could be my ticket out of this hideous place. I knew why I had been beaten to the core. I could suffer it alone. Only I didn’t want to.

     The nurses let me use the bathroom once the catheter had been taken out. So far, I believed the true color of my urine to be red, but it finally became clear. I noticed under my backless gown that I had bandages and tape across my stomach and chest and they were tender to touch. I got up slowly, and shuffled to the sink to clean up a bit. I looked into the mirror.

     My face looked like a discolored image from a funhouse distortion mirror. It was odd shaped in places, my lips were split open and cracked, the corners of my mouth caked with dried saliva and blood from breathing with my mouth open. My left eye was completely swollen shut and had butterfly bandages and black string under and over it. Part of my left eyebrow was missing over the bridge of my misshapen nose, as if ripped off. My right eye looked surprisingly pretty, with only a shadow of bruising on it, and it was partially open. I tried to see my teeth, but opening my mouth hurt too much. My ears were red and sore looking, and I had a band aid over the top of my left ear. I felt lopsided, like my injuries were all on my left. In my head, I was glad, because being a righty, it would have taken forever to heal and learn to be a lefty. I was far from ambidextrous. Right now, I was just far from dexterous. Right now, I looked far from human.

     I slid to the floor and reached for the toilet. I clutched the cold porcelain like it was a person and let out the sobbing that I had held back long enough to assess the damage in the mirror. I sobbed so hard I shook, and I could feel my ribcage protesting to the strain. Finally, I retched for several minutes, managing to bring up some very acidic bile and not much else. I rose to my feet, wiped my mouth with my bandaged hand and flushed the toilet. I patted some cold water to my face and emerged from the bathroom. My room was empty now. I guessed the roommate was making a walking round or getting tests. Maybe he was discharged. I didn’t know. I sat back on the bed and a nurse came in with discharge forms. Most of the lines were blank – who to contact, whose care I was released to, and residence. She told me to come back in two days, or go to the clinic to have my bandages changed for the next week. She was polite, but curt. She never looked me in the eye. I asked if the police had come, and she said no. I asked how I got there, and her answer was that someone called the cops to say I was in the street passed out drunk. They came to get me to “move along” and found a bloody mess. I stopped hearing her then. I tried to figure out what I was feeling. It was shame. She got up and walked out of the room, and the shame grew.

     I had shame that I had no home now. I was ashamed I allowed myself to be beaten, because I thought I was pretty street smart. I was ashamed of why I was beaten. I really never thought I was ashamed of who I was. I was a lesbian. No problem for me. I had come to terms with it on the inside a long time ago, but it was a big problem for a lot of other people, and that DID make it a problem for me. I felt shame for wanting to hide what happened to me, but I did. I put on makeup at a Macy’s counter before I walked to where I worked to see if I still had a job. Luckily, I did. Unluckily, I hated it, and I hated myself for doing it – so I worked 3 more nights and slept in my car until I finally headed out to a town I was familiar with outside the city. I stayed with friends of friends, and in some shelters. I eventually healed on the outside, and found work in restaurants – surprisingly taking to the early morning routine of a cook very well. I then summoned the courage to move forward with my education, my relationships and my life.

     A lot has happened since that time in my life, and the details are not important. What is important enough for me to sit here today and write out for others to read, are the small revelations and details that allowed me to BE here today.

     After I sobbed into the toilet of the hospital, I vowed it was all over. I had nothing, and I had no one. I was an object at work, and a shell of a person the other hours of the day. I looked over my shoulder at every noise and lived a life of fear, both real and imaginary. I hid who I really was from everyone, and dulled my pain in drugs and drinking, hoping that every night I might go far enough to not wake up. I had allowed the actions of ignorant, hate filled people to fill me with despair and disgust at myself. They won. Long after the original beating, I was allowing them to beat me every moment of every day.

     There was no moment of glory, where the clouds parted and a wise person bestowed logical life lessons upon me that created a change. It was gradual, and personal, and spiritual from inside me. I overcame it on my own. I decided to surround myself with good people. I decided to be exactly who I was, and live that way. I decided that my family was important to me, and as long as they could accept me for who I was, I wanted to be fully involved in the family. I decided that I never wanted to feel that my life was not worth living ever again. I also decided that I was going to use my life to emulate hope in others that anyone and everyone was equal.

     I may have fallen short on some of that along the way, but the recent tragic events and subsequent deaths of LGBT youth caused me to remember that time in my life where I had nothing and no one in the face of bigotry and violence. I wanted to reach out and tell people who are suffering in silence that IT GETS BETTER. Not that day and not the day after. Whether you have a cheerleading squad of supportive friends and family or if you are alone – you are still a valuable human being on this earth with a soul and a purpose. I did it alone. You might not have to, but you could if you had to. Call one of the many support line numbers and talk to us. Reach out. Have discussions. Find yourself. Be yourself. Don’t allow anyone to take it from you.

     I think I was ugly and disfigured until I was bashed. I think I became beautiful when I saw it in myself – scars and all.

Think you can't make it? You can. Want help? It's here.
Physical, Emotional, Psychological and other types of attacks are not acceptable. Compassion and understanding are the only ways we will stop the cycle.

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/suicide-resources/local-resources

1-866-488-7386

It's & Day!

2010-10-01T07:37:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone. How are my minions? No? Well, if you see any, tell 'em I need my laundry done and the toilet needs scrubbing. Thanks.

Today is October 1, 2010. 10/01/10 I liked the look of it, and when strung together reminded me of binary code. 100110. Looks smart, right? Only problem is, it takes 8 digits strung together to make a letter. I did find, however, that these six create the ampersand symbol! So, Happy Ampersand Day!

More importantly, It is 10/01/10, and Lisa is still dwelling on US soil! She has not gone to Ethiopia (yet). Things there are still up in the air, and no plans are clear, but I'm just happy she's still here.

Yay! So, Happy Symbol-Used-By-People-Too-Lazy-To-Type-Out-"AND" Day!!

found at puntabulous.com

Prepare Yourself - The DADT Rant

2010-09-22T11:24:00.000-04:00

My “Run Lola Run” Approach to the Current Political and Societal Conundrums in this Life.

I wish I was a princess/with armies at her hand
I wish I was a ruler/who'd make them understand
- Run Lola Run, “Running One”
Lately, I feel like I am fighting against an invisible wall – one I can’t get through, and yet I feel insane fighting against it because most others are on the other side, watching me flail around while they either sit still doing nothing or fight against me. This line from Running One sums up how I feel about it pretty well. I’ll try to link the song soon.

Every person in this country (and others who have a vested interest) is being affected by the myriad of causes, bills, laws, and controversies currently evolving and devolving around us. I am completely disgusted by most of it. I am finding such a duality in this country. We claim to be this land of the free – then we limit the freedoms afforded to the very people both living in and defending the country. I am currently on a rant about DADT’s failed repeal.

I can sum up my position a bit better in a reply to a blog poster I encountered on Rachel Maddow’s blog.

The comment I was responding to:
“If gays want to serve their country and they are loyal to the US Military, they should understand what disruption they would cause and serve without projecting their sexual preferences. It's being done now and it works”
My Response:
How exactly is this working? Heterosexual soldiers fight for their country, and their pay and benefits extend to their family. If they should perish, their families are respectfully told and given death benefits. Homosexual soldiers fight every day beside them, in no less danger, but they cannot share the benefits with their family. If they die in the same manner, no one is respectfully told, and the spouse gets no death benefit - not even the benefit of their pain and loss being recognized by this great country they were fighting for. I am sad that they have to feel so much less of a person while devoting their lives to the very same country. This is simple inequality and bias. It's not onstitutional.
And your argument is about showers? If all rules are plain and apply - no fraternizing, no sex, and no harassment among any soldiers - then I do not see the issue. It applies to everyone. If the rules are followed, there no problems other than the ones some self righteous and self important soldier might make for themselves in their own mind.

For the Full article and video, plus all the fun and not-so-fun comments: http://bit.ly/ciK8sV

There are such bigger issues inside the smaller ones, and my fear – my true, roaring fear is that this world is becoming unknown to me. What made sense once is gone, and logic is out the window. We’re all becoming pawns for other people’s agendas, and I’m learning that these other people are idiots and assholes. Time in this world is limited, and we need to do the best we can for everyone in it. I’m losing patience with intolerance. I am tired of people screaming that Gays can’t get equal (or “special”, as some call them) rights, because then people would be getting married to farm animals and aliens. Farm animals? C'mon! Lemme tell you, I sometimes wonder if it’d be easier to marry an alien but immigration has taught me otherwise! ;) Stop equating consensual love to bestiality or sex with an unwilling – unknowing - unable to protest animal. When someone tells you to "Go fuck a goat!" it's just slang for "Fuck off!" so please, if you are taking it literally, walk away from the poor thing. Why can’t we focus on what makes us all happy, and allow everyone to experience it. Historically, we’ve overcome the exact same bias of letting interracial couples marry, foreign people of different cultures marry, and people of opposing religions marry. So far, the world did not explode, and it has only expanded our human capacity for compassion and understanding, not to mention love. How is this any different? It’s not. So pull yer heads from yer arseholes and let’s focus on harder things – like how to get gum out of your hair or candle wax out of your mom’s favorite tablecloth after a family dinner!

Airport Rage

2010-09-15T08:32:00.002-04:00

I will beat your child
Screaming, lunatic freakshow
You taught no manners

This Haiku Blows

2010-09-14T11:49:00.000-04:00

A great post as always, Brent captures both the potential good and bad of this film. The understated performance of Depp is dead on. The angst of watching his character play over the same life lesson mistakes without learning is heart crushing, especially when you see how much of life is lost while trying not to live your parent's life.

So now, the haiku for BLOW~

much to consider
to condemn or sympathize
his travels of life

Check out the original post at Brent's

Blow

I'm not the one

2010-09-10T14:33:00.000-04:00

I'm not the one who
gives the awesome belly rubs
but she lets me live

-to Alice, who misses her mummy, but allows me to live... for now.

Haiku of Motherhood

2010-09-10T03:20:00.002-04:00

She can't understand
why Mummy isn't there;
only knows I'm gone.

+3 Haiku of Longing

2010-09-10T03:10:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday night.
I really miss my wife.
Sleeping alone sucks.

Witnessing De-Americanization

2010-09-08T08:09:00.000-04:00

If you are anything like me, you know how disheartening it is to be bombarded day after day by snippets on the news, twitter links, editorials, and the general course of discussions at the water cooler. Right now, I am listening to all sides arguing the big TERRY JONES hoopla. May I please say that our only hope to exist peacefully as the free nation we purport to be, is to remember that we are founded on the basis of tolerance.

The simple truth?

As a country, we have lost our way. Groups rally around a common idea and instead of celebrating that idea, they attack others who do not share it.

Religion and Government are twisted up in an incestuous dance, and it's time to untangle that. People in this country are forgetting the main attributes of any peaceful, free, and upstanding society - we have rights as human beings, and we have rights bestowed upon us by elected officials. We need to remember that as a tolerant nation, we MUST allow EVERYONE the freedom to feel, worship, dance, learn, and every other thing AS WE SEE FIT for ourselves, WITHIN the confines of public safety and the concept of harming no fellow humans or our earth.

It's important to put ourselves in the position of other people at all times. If I were a Christian, I should be thinking about what it would be like to be of Muslim faith, or Jewish faith, or even an Atheist. These perspectives should ground us, and remind us to be tolerant and respectful of all other beliefs. Don't like Hip-Hop? Another person might not like yyour Frank Sinatra albums. This does not mean you are not both the same at your fundamental core. You need to eat, breathe, sleep, and search for happiness.

I will stop the preachy tone now. It's not my style - but this buisness of burning to Koran and the intolerance surrounding the mosque in NYC has me so worried about the future of our country and our planet. We have to be aware that our action ripple out and impact others. One book burned in this case could be enough hatred to inspire retribution attacks that will fan the flames for further hatred and violence. Why a man in this country feels the need to burn a book that he holds no belief in, to incite those who hold it dear as he would his own bible, baffles me. Why can he not see this? What would he feel if the roles were reversed and a small church not affiliated with any others decided to burn bins of bibles? There would be an uproar. Why should we not expect this? My hope is that those who follow the Koran will have the stregnth and wisdom to see this stunt for what it is, and realize that more books can be printed, and to use their tolerance to defy this act, rather than feeding the flames of hatred. This applies to all things - religion, gender, race, sexual orientation, your favorite color - etc. Accept that your preference for ANYTHING might not be shared by others, but it should be respected as you should respect theirs.

This is my hope. I'll leave you with some really great quotes, and wish all of you a peaceful, free, and interesting day, filled with questioning and tolerance. Namaste.

" I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
- Voltaire

"As fallible humans, we usually slip too far over one edge or the other - all wrath and judgment or all grace and love."
— Eric Wilson

"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land--every color, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike--all snored in the same language."
— Malcolm X

"There's bad apples in whatever way you want to group people - doesn't matter if it's religious, political or social. The big mistake is generalizing."
— Charles de Lint

"To extend religious freedom to people of all religious traditions, even though you may well disagree with their beliefs and/or practices. Having tolerance toward another religion does not require you to endorse that faith group's beliefs; it simply indicates your respect for its right to exist and for its member to hold different beliefs without being oppressed."
— www.religioustolerance.org

"It is now no more that toleration is spoken of, as if it was by the indulgence of one class of people, that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights. For happily the government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction - to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens."
— George Washington

What I think of when I think about Natalie Portman

2010-09-07T22:52:00.000-04:00

Professionally Portman

2010-09-07T21:21:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, SheSquared decided to team up with our sexy man-beast of a friend Brent over at Criminal Movies to do a 'lil something special for you. Criminal Movies is a blog Brent dedicates to breaking down and analyzing some of the best movies out there, and more specifically really talking about anti-heroes and the "roles" they play within the movies. Our fine asses have decided to give a little commentary about Brent's assessments, and offer up a deep (or not-so-deep) Haiku pertaining to the chosen movie and/or write up. Sound good? We thought so too! Without further ado - a haiku.

thought it'd be just bleach
then young Portman's cleaning brought
statutory lust

Ok, maybe the Haikus will have a little focus on hot chicks, but who's complaining?

See Brent's Full write up:
The Professional

Political Haiku

2010-08-24T13:40:00.002-04:00

once free spirit now
Cowers in fear from the evil
Repubs, Dems, and Teas

Haiku about not posting everything you see

2010-08-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

Keeping my mouth shut
is sometimes the hardest thing
but I need this job

InsomHaiku

2010-08-22T01:34:00.002-04:00

much like the addict
ugly, angry, need to score
sweet hit of slumber

Haiku of Ow

2010-08-20T19:57:00.001-04:00

Each day I sit there
Staring at the monitors.
Advil is my friend

Haiku of Hiding

2010-08-20T18:07:00.001-04:00

My reclusive traits
don't seem to be apparent
to those around me

A Letter to a Senator

2010-08-20T15:11:00.005-04:00

Dear Senator Gillibrand:

I would first like to thank you for your positions on...well, almost everything frankly! You are willing to stand up for those without a voice, to stand strong in the face of adversity and ignorant tirades, and to stick at it when it seems that all is lost. For these reasons, you have my staunch admiration and support.

With that said, I would like to encourage you to support the Uniting American Families Act (S.1328). I understand that at this point in a very polar-opposite nation, that it may not make the cut for the comprehensive immigration reform battle, and while I find it disappointing, it is not a shock. That said, I would love to hear that you have chosen to become a co-sponsor of that act, supporting those of us who have no legal recourse in a broken system. Even as a standalone act, my partner and I would have a greater chance of staying together than we do now.

Barbara and I have been together for 5 years, and civil unioned (although I personally say married) for 2 months. I left my native Britain to be here with her, finding any legal means necessary. I started on an F1 visa, which then merged into the F1-OPT. I was lucky enough in this economy to find a sponsoring job in my field, and am currently on an H-1B visa. If the Uniting American Families Act were passed, we would not have had to jump through these hoops, and she could simply have sponsored me to be here with her in the same way that any other, heterosexual couple in love can.

As it stands now, I live in fear that I may lose my job, thus losing my visa status and being ripped away from the family that we have built. For this reason, I am going to Ethiopia to work as a contractor for the World Bank in the hopes that, when I return, it will be on an L1 visa (don't you just love the alphabet soup of the immigration system? I'm unfortunately more familiar with it than I would like), with the aim of expediting my Green Card process, and eradicating my fears that I could be deported at the drop of a hat, or even at my company's whim.

That last paragraph boils down to a very confusing sentence: in order to be in this country with my family, I am traveling to a third world country, because it's easier than staying here and hoping for the best.

Again, I urge you. If this issue comes across your desk in the near future, I hope you will think of me and my family, and help us stay together. Please.

With my respect,
Lisa (One half of SheSquared)

Haiku of Panic

2010-08-19T19:40:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately
I have a tendency to
hide when life gets real

Warning - Political Post

2010-08-19T08:20:00.003-04:00

***CAUTION*** ***Political Ranting Ahead***

From time to time in this space, I choose to discuss or call out things that are ridiculous to me in the realm of politics, social issues, or other such nonsense. Today, I want to discuss a serious issue I have with the country I love, live in, and try to respect.

It’s getting harder and harder to discern good from bad, honest from shyster, left from right, and all other manner of orientation. My balance is off whenever I put on the television, and I flat out fall over into a warp of anti-gravity if the channel hits Fox news.

Allow me to take up an issue that is heated in the news right now, and as all things in this blog, it’s my opinion, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

The “mosque at ground zero, built by and using money that funds terrorists that led the attacks on that day” mess. Can we be real about this? Can I break this down for you all? First issue I have is that it’s a Muslim cultural center, not a mosque. Second issue, it’s not AT ground zero, but several blocks away. Third issue, there is no way to see what money is used, but I am pretty certain that if it were terrorists building it, the government would have figured this out by now.

More troubling are the grumblings from people about how unfair it is since “you can’t go build a Christian church in their country”. Very true. The reason? The USA is founded on freedoms. These freedoms are supposed to include the right to practice any religion. I was proud to hear our President Obama defend this right, even in the face of the uproar and it being an unpopular opinion. It’s religious freedom that sets us so far apart from other countries. If we succumb to the pressure to deny these Muslim believers the right to build a place to gather, commune, and worship – we are NO BETTER than any other country denying these freedoms. If this happens, what comes next? Will we give up on democracy entirely or perhaps only when it suits us?

In this country, you don’t have to agree or even like what someone else does or believes – but you HAVE to respect their right to do or believe it. In addition to the ‘mosque’ fiasco, this applies to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – what does it matter if the person who is fighting and giving up their life right next to you has a different sexual orientation? You are there for the same reasons, fighting for the same country and rights and freedoms – yet they don’t really have the same rights or freedoms as you do, even at the actual point of risking their lives to defend the idea. It’s hypocrisy at its worst. It’s right there with Marriage Equality. Again, you don’t have to agree with the beliefs or actions of others, but you have to respect their right to live life freely and equally with everyone else. Anything less, and this country is not the land of the free, home of the brave. What’s brave about denying rights to your equal human beings? What’s free about having to hide your life and love while others condemn you?

Try thinking on this a little today, while you observe other people, and your reactions to them. Every moment you encounter someone, you are making snap judgments and evaluations. Just remember that if things were different, or changes occurred, you could be the one denied the right to love who you want, make a family, fight for your country, or praise the god of your choice in the manner of your choosing. It's a thin line we walk to allow ourselves the luxury of thinking we are progressive enough to be equals. So far, this country is failing in this.

Birthday Haiku for Cousin Edward!

2010-08-17T07:35:00.002-04:00

Wonderful cousin
We celebrate your birth and
Great big bushy beard

Work Haiku #2

2010-08-12T17:12:00.000-04:00

You see right through me
Deep breathing I undertake
I need more coffee

Work Haiku

2010-08-12T07:37:00.002-04:00

Trying to be calm
but your malice makes me say
You're a harpy shrew

Haiku 3: Noisy

2010-08-09T09:03:00.002-04:00

Otters bark and howl
"I know that you just fed me
But I'm still hungry."

Haiku 2 - Lilith Fair Women- Part 1

2010-08-05T14:43:00.003-04:00

Mullets and mom jeans
Spill out from the Lilith Fair
Dykes who just gave up

Haiku For You?

2010-08-02T09:18:00.003-04:00

Ok, I'm going to start some random new things on this blog. I was getting serious and heavy, but I want to balance it with the light. So, one thing I shall attempt is haiku for you. Some will be serious, others not. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or submit your own haikus to me via the shemail link on our blog. If we like it, and if Captain Alice lets us, we'll post up one a week.
So, I'll start us off.

Shed your vanity
If your mind can attribute
This haiku for you

Vow Wows

2010-07-04T17:23:00.002-04:00

Namaste!! After a wicked amount of requests, Lisa and I have agreed to post the vows we exchanged last week for you all on the blog. We are not posting the video capture publicly, so if you want the link to see it, please contact us personally or leave a comment.
As many of you are aware, I'm all about freedom of speech, expression, and having unfettered equality, so I say this before it goes ANY further -

If you have issues with SSM or CU's, then you need go no further, and please refrain from negative commenting, as it will simply be deleted.

If you like the vows and want to use them or some capacity please feel free. They are my own adaptation from a personal wedding ceremony by Lama Thubten Yeshea traditional lama.

We invoke the "No Thelma Thursday" rule. If it's Thursday, and you're name is Thelma - your laptop will self destruct in fifteen seconds.

On this note, Please enjoy!

Barbara and Lisa's Buddhist Wedding Ceremony

Rev Hatton: “Barbara and Lisa, in the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning. Difficult times will come as surely as the night. When things go joyously, find peace within yourselves. When things go badly, find that same peace. To say the words "love and compassion" is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy. With this in mind, is it your intention to continue this journey together?”
“It Is”

Buddhist Wedding Prayer

Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
Lama Thubten Yeshe

Vows
Barbara and Lisa, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life; and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“We do”

Do you pledge to see all difficult circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other; and to generate compassion for others who are suffering? Do you pledge to avoid becoming closed or opinionated, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?
“We do”

Do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and joy?
“We do”

Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“We do”

When it comes time to part, do you pledge to reflect on your time together with thankfulness and joy that you met and shared what you have, and acceptance that we cannot hold on to anything forever?
“We do”

Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions, even when it doesn't directly benefit yourself?
“We do”

Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and attachment and instead focus on the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them? Do you pledge to work together for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?
“We do”

Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, knowing that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your teachers not to become discouraged?
“We do”

Do you pledge to continuously strive to remember your own Buddha nature, as well as the Buddha nature of all living beings? To maintain the awareness that all things are temporary, and to remain optimistic that you can achieve your greatest potential and lasting happiness.
“We do”

Exchanging of Rings
Rev Hatton: “These rings are the outward and visible symbols of the inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in partnership.”
Barbara: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”
Lisa: “I am honored you wish to be with me.”

Pronouncement
Rev Hatton: “By the power vested in me through the wishes of Barbara and Lisa, as well as the blessing of the lineage of their Spiritual Friends, I now pronounce you Loving Wives.” (Brides kiss)
Rev Hatton: “Namaste!”

Presenting and Congratulating the Couple
Rev Hatton: “May I present and congratulate Barbara and Lisa. May the world now see in this unity evidence of your connection, which previously existed only between your hearts.”

Pillow Talk

2010-06-11T13:52:00.006-04:00

Last night, my poor sweetie had an awful time getting off to sleep, mostly because I kept entering random fits of hysterics. Not over nothing, mind you, but because she was being funny. At one point, we had the following conversation:

Her: The kitten has an evil plot to kill me.

Me: This is true, yes. She's decidedly wicked.

Her: Do you know what would happen if I died?

Me: What?

Her: Not only would you be a widow, but you'd also be a homeless immigrant!

Then she proceeded to giggle nonstop for about a half hour. So it wasn't entirely my fault. Of course, I had to get my own back, but I didn't realize an opportunity would present itself quite so quickly.

We have this clock in our bedroom:

That strange circular part at the back isn't a government periscope, as you might understandably suspect at first; instead it projects the digits up onto the ceiling, so you don't have to roll over to see what time it is. In related news, we had a power cut earlier in the week, and I had yet to reset the clock.

I turned to her and said,

Me: Honey, look, it's 5:55 (the time it was displaying on the ceiling)

Her: Umf? (looks up) Maybe it's upside down.

Take a small moment to ponder that.

I'll wait.

Right-Side Up

Upside Down

Lost in Translation

2010-06-09T15:14:00.002-04:00

I love listening to two of my colleagues converse. They're both from the former Soviet Union, and it's just much easier for them to discuss problems in Russian than English. So we can all just be sitting there working when the room is suddenly filled with Russki dulcet tones.

Of course, in our business, not everything is translatable. So I will often hear (and no disrespect to any Russians, but I can't think of how else to write this):

Каков IP address?

and

Только Select выбор и поместите это в Cursor.

I find it all very amusing, and it reminds me of a time long ago, where I sat in a German movie theater to watch Independence Day for the first time. In German. I didn't understand a great deal of it at the time (although given its genre, most of the words were unnecessary), but what sticks out in my mind is the random utterances of "Mr President," "Big Mama," and "Independence Day" thrust into a slew of guttural vocabulary.

I've still never seen that in English.

Feminism is the new L word

2010-06-03T15:12:00.004-04:00

In a conversation with a very male co-worker...

T: Yeah, the first time I went to college, I just didn't care at all. I just wanted to get wasted with my friends, so I didn't bother with course selection and ended up with some really crappy courses. I took Women's Studies one semester.

Me: Women's Studies? You?

T: Yeah. At first, I thought it was going to be great because my instructor was cute, but then it turned out she was a huge...

*pauses to look at me uncomfortably*

Me: What, T? She was a huge what?

T: Erm...Feminist?

*uncomfortable silence*

T: I sucked at that class.

A Flurry, a Smattering, or a Downright Blizzard?

2010-05-22T20:39:00.007-04:00

Today has been a day full of emotions, and I'm not really coherent enough to discuss them, but I need to lay them out because if I don't, they will eat me from the inside out, and I'll wake up in an ice bath.

I have issues with noise, which I probably attribute to my ADD. If there's too much going on around me, then the blood starts rushing around my head and makes me dizzy and irritable. So began our morning.

As I write this, the TV is on in the other room, the dishwasher just started up, and the roommate is making himself dinner. I blame this on nobody but myself, but my mental state just can't handle all the different things occurring, none of which require my attention, but all of which demand it.

Today was our beloved niece's birthday, and being as ill-prepared as I ever am (ok, I'm actually going to legitimately blame this one on working 12 days straight, nearing 10 hours a day), we ran to a local store to purchase a befitting gift. We were probably in the store for no more than 10-15 minutes, but returned to this:

Yeah, someone just went ahead and etched a huge ole "X" into the side of the Mini. I hate this shit. I don't know if it was just pure random rage on someone's part, the rainbow flag hanging from the mirror, or the Immigration Equality sign in the footwell, but it pisses me off. And rest assured, if I'd caught him, he'd be swinging from his balls right now while I granted him the same treatment.

It just so happened that there was a policeman in the parking lot, so my sweetie beckoned him over, and he began his write-up. We left him to it, as we were already late by this time, and didn't want to be show-stealers or anything like that once we finally made it to the party.

The wee one is just gorgeous, and coming on in leaps and bounds. She's walking around all over the place, chomping down Jello, and while looking you straight in the eye and smiling sweetly, will declare "Bye", when she wants to be left alone. One of her moms' best friends was visiting from out of town, with the three small children she has been fostering with the intention to adopt. Their parents had huge drug problems, not to mention the domestic abuse going on: seemed Daddy liked to beat his wife and eldest son, K. Mommy was given the chance to get her children back if she left Daddy, but she decided he was more important. So Melissa has paperwork in to adopt these adorable kids: K is around 3, M is his little brother, and is about 2, and then there's the baby sister A, who is three weeks younger than our niece.

I spent almost the entire afternoon either distracting A from when Mommy was going out of the room, or chasing M around the house. K is very shy; he's probably the only one old enough to remember, even subconsciously, the life that came before what is now being dangled before him. He warms up eventually, though. Towards the end of our visit, K found the big sharp knife meant for cutting the birthday cake on the table, and had it in his hand when Mommy caught him and yelled.

Oh my goodness, you've never seen a little boy have such a breakdown. And she's holding him and rocking with him on the sofa, and he's just shrieking. What really got me were the words she was whispering to him:

"I'm not going to hit you. I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, and that's why I shouted. I love you. I will always love you."

Yeah, that's pretty much the point at which I lost it. This tiny little family, Mommy doing it all on her own (and a DAMNED fine job, if I might add), and they just need her so much. It was heart-breaking.

Before we left, he was up and about again, shoving cake into my mouth with M, and giggling at my chomping on his fork, but I just wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him nobody was going to hurt him, ever again. I think they're going to be taking up space in my mind for quite a while to come.

A mini clarification

2010-03-29T09:17:00.002-04:00

I was on the phone with my father yesterday for a brief spell: nothing serious, just catching up on life, the universe, and everything in between, including a bizarre intellectualization of Lady Gaga and her capitalizing on the odd and obscure.

The ending note of the conversation: I had been telling my father of certain troubles that have been plaguing us of late.

Dad: "Do you need me to send some money your way, in the interim?

Me: "No thanks, Dad, I think we'll be ok."

Dad: "Oh good. I just bought you that Mini for Christmas!"

*pause to think*

Me: "Dad! That was a keychain!"

Dad: "Semantics, Daughter-Dear."

Once More, With Feeling

2010-03-11T10:39:00.003-05:00

Again and Again I speak about the 'hotel' I work in. It's usually quips of the ridiculous that happen, or a triumphant event that really makes me proud of the job I do. I hope you enjoy that as much as I enjoy writing it, but this time I need to (surprise) rant.

Some of you know the predicament management has created within our small contingent of specialized workers. It's ugly, unfair, and downright immoral. We stood up for ourselves, however, and are fighting every step of the way for our livelihood.

Today, we took a few steps backwards, and we're again embattled in the fight for our basic needs and a fair contract. I can't go into details here (lest I Dooce myself) but I'd appreciate all the kind thoughts and encouragement you can spare - and perhaps if anyone knows a good labor relations attorney, that'd be even better. We are an army of five, so our funding is small.

Enough groveling. Thanks for the ear/shoulder/lap. Hear from you soon.

Suck it HARD

2010-03-10T15:16:00.003-05:00

Yep. That's all for today. Your job is to decipher.

Is it:

Advice?
Demand?
Plea?
Statement?
Descriptive?
Wish?
Other: ____________?

Yeah, I'm burnt from this week. I'll be in the city for a show tonight, so photos of the debauchery shall be posted. Have a great night, all.

On A Roll

2010-02-26T19:19:00.006-05:00

Ok, after writing that last post, I feel insanely happy and invigorated. Follow me here, it's related -

No matter what's happened in the past, no matter what I can expect in the future, I am giggly and gobsmacked to have the most wonderful woman in the world with me.

Yep. It's insane, and I can't express what an amazing feeling it is to wake up every day and think to myself - there is this freaky English chippy, right next to me. She knows all my secrets - the worst I've done, the best I've tried for, my failures and my success, the horrible me and the not as horrible me - and she knows and loves me for it all. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to fear, and it is a freedom I have never felt in my life.

I wish it for each and every person who stumbles across our humble blog.

Ok, I now return you to our regular types of blog posts, filled with amusement, random thoughts and observations, and likely - talk about excrement.

For putting up with my last 2 soppy posts, here's a picture:

Apologies to the Past, with grateful tones and love to the future.

2010-02-26T17:09:00.004-05:00

*warning - I am on an emotional sop kick atm. Read if you want, but I wrote it for myself.*

Today was one of those days: snowing hard, working the late shift in the "hotel", and with very few officers in the department today, there was a lot of time where my brain wandered. Oh fuck it, it packed a hobo bag and jumped a train without a destination.

It went to a very odd place, and I told Lisa about it when she brought me some coffee at HQ. I have NO clue what I did to deserve this woman, but I do not take it for granted and I have spent the better part of five years trying to be certain that I never do. Anywhoodle, in the freakish mindset I was in, it wandered to times and days that were less than stellar for me. I wasn't perseverating on the horrible things that happened to me in the past, but rather, the people in my past whom I've either wronged, not exactly righted, or who believe I wronged them in some way even if I am not aware of what transpired. Some of these people have blotted me from their lives, some are on the periphery where they exist but will not reach out or reach back if I do, and some are in my life again.

I found a few of these people (boredom combined with resources and detective/research skills = the ability to locate just about anyone on the planet). I was even able to locate a recent photo of one of the people, and she looks great - happy, healthy, and just as I remember her. It saddened me that something went so horribly wrong that I was eliminated from their life without a second thought. It really hurt. I felt like it wasn't right. then I took some of the time I was using to search and feel this way to realize that it doesn't matter a good goddamn what I think or feel about it. The only thing that matters is their reasoning. While I thought for a good number of years that I had grown a great deal, and that I had really come a long way mentally, emotionally, and physically - I was still hung up in a "But that's not fair! Why won't they talk to me and just work it out like adults!!?? Move on and be grateful that we're all alove and living happily??" Right there in my face was a huge stumbling block that kept me from being the strong and fair minded, compassionate and loving Buddhist that I believed I was. i was so focused on how I felt about it that I didn't think - "Well, maybe it's better for THEM to hate me. Maybe it makes whatever easier on them." That's the key.

I hate when I'm a moron and it takes a day like this to help me see something so basic and simple. I'm glad i did though. So, a shout out to a few of the wonderful people who were a part of my life in some way, and who have chosen to go a different path. It's sad in a way for me, because I could see such amazing relationships with some of these people, especially now that I know who and what I am in this world. I can only thank them for helping to create a part of me in the time that I knew them.

Thanks Carolyn, K, J, and R, Kathy, Alanna, Elzabeth, and a huge loving thank you to Barbara - You didn't leave by choice, but your death has always been one of the greatest losses I suffered in this world. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I carry you with me every day, and all of the lessons we learned together. Namaste, my love.

Huge love and thanks to all of my friends and family now. You all know who you are, and I am grateful to have you all, in all the countries and places you are - you dwell most in my heart. Not the least of whom is my love and fellow zombie-killing, meditation-chanting, clumsy-walking love. Thanks Gazelle. :) I'm glad you know me at this time in my life, when I have so much to give back to you.

Enjoyment

2010-02-03T12:45:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I deviated from my norm of shake-taking (this is an area reserved for a whole post of its own; for now, I shall leave it alone), and decided to do lunch with the work guys. We went to Chick-Fil-A and I grabbed a salad. Fascinating so far, right?

Anyway, the point of this lead-in is the conversation I had with the check-out guy. Is that what they're called? Check-out guys? Order-Taker? Remover-of-Finances?

Guy: Nice accent.

Me: Well thank you. I was born with it, so I can't really take much credit.

Guy: I enjoy it very much.

Enjoy? Seriously? Like, I could have dealt with. Even love. But enjoy...? I had sudden visions of him not being able to contain himself any longer, and that not being ranch dressing on my salad.

In this case, I happen to think the job title 'Creepazoid' fits him quite nicely.

Ok, with head low and spirits shot

2010-01-05T11:54:00.004-05:00

Another fantabulous holiday season, brought to me by my incomprehensible guilt and empathy for other people. I just need to throw this question out to the cyber world and hope I get some half intelligent responses. Let's see.

**Keep in Mind, I will NOT give personal details about this person. I will respect his privacy the best I can.**

How do you help someone who protests that they DO NOT WANT help?

Before you say something snarky like "You don't" or "Why bother" - the complication comes in a few layers. For instance - I adore this person. They've been a best friend to me for about 6+ years now. I would've trusted him with my life. He accepts me for who I am, and is supportive of and understanding about the various things that effect Lisa and I being together. We share a home and a mortgage together. I went into this knowing that I could trust him, and knowing that it would be an equal split all the way as things have been in the past.

He has festered in a bad place for as many years as I've known him now. When we met, I told him I'd help him get through it and move on with his life. That was 6+ years ago now, and although I may have tapered off how much enthusiasm I've put into supporting him and encouraging him to heal and move on, this has not happened to any degree in ALL of this time. I've spent so much of my own life feeling his despair and depression. I've fought through my own issues at the same time I continued to deal with his. You know how when someone you love is hurting and in such a bad place that it's transferred a lot to you? That's the way it is.

Things came to a head this week, and things were said and done that made him angry. Never once did I waver in my promise to be here for him, but I did say in no uncertain terms that the duration of this state of mind, and the unwillingness he has to change it is unacceptable. this brought us to an impasse, because rather than see what it's doing to him, his family, and his friends including me and our household - he is steadfast in his determination to suffer and demands to be left alone about it. I don't know if anyone reading this knows what it's like to live with someone in this state of mind, but it's almost as painful as if you were the one going through it all. I've been going through this for 6 years, all the while having this other side of me going through my own life, health, love, work and world issues. I'm torn in two, and yet he sees none of this, and I'm not the martyr to point it out - because that's not the point.

The point of this is to ask - HOW DO I CHANGE THIS?? How do you make someone care when they don't want to care about themselves?

I can't take much more, and I've already begun looking through apartment ads, because I'd rather give up the home I've put so much of myself and my heart into then continue to drain myself of all the good I once was.

Bless This Mess

2009-12-19T12:03:00.005-05:00

One of the reasons we've been so absent of late is that we've been working diligently on perfecting our humble abode. It's a beautiful little place, and full of potential, which we're helping it to realize. Our latest project has been the main bedroom. When we first moved in, this is how it looked:

It's looked like this for the last two years (more recently minus the boxes), and we finally accepted that now was the time for a change. So, our Bodhi present to each other was a new bedroom set; and seeing as we were going to have new furniture, we decided to go the full hog and repaint the room itself too. My sweetie has always hated that sea-blue on the walls, and honestly, it could be a little nauseating. So we decided upon Turkish Coffee, and Limestone as our colors and got to work.

This is the semi-finished product:

And the difference between the colors can be seen in this picture:

There is also a bench to put together for the end of the bed, which will be our project for this snow-day, but overall, we think it's a very positive change. And it's been so nice to put pieces of ourselves into the fabric of the house. Of course, I can't step into Home Depot without having to squelch an overwhelming desire to purchase insulation. I'm not even sure what I'd use it for, but I want it.

Adipose I Should Do About This?

2009-12-18T14:39:00.003-05:00

Oh, my self-deprecating humor knows no bounds! Adipose Who else could configure the anatomical wording for fat into a blog post title? Just ginormous me!

I am embarking on a serious and intensive weight loss/health gain program starting in a few weeks. I don't want to go into the details of it, or the name of it for now. I just want to get working on it and see how it all goes. I'll update you all on the progress if desired. I'm thinking of trying to be brazen enough to take some honest photos of myself as things progress. I'm a bit scared of that, so I'm still just pondering it.

So, if you don't hear from me in a few months, assume that I died and the kitten feasted on my corpulent, uh... corpse.

Overheard at "the Hotel"

2009-12-18T08:46:00.002-05:00

"They took down another Christmas Nativity Scene in a public square near my town. It's been there for years and never bothered anyone till too many foreigners moved into the area. I didn't even mind so much when they added a menorah to the area - I let that go. Now the ACLU gets involved and I can't celebrate my baby jesus' birth because it's unconstitutional? They ain't even part of my constitution! Fuckin' ACLU is ruining this country. Bunch of Commies."

Sometimes I have to physically use my hand to pick my chin up off the floor when I hear some of the crap these guys spew.

Boughs of Folly

2009-12-17T15:19:00.003-05:00

Hello Urchins.

Tis the season to try to be jolly, then get bitch slapped by circumstance, and still maintain that stupid grin so people don't commit you to a sanitarium.

Things have been hectic at the Greening-Cole Ranch, but I am pleased to report that we are still happy and goofy. Stress is taking an individual toll, but thankfully, we're great with communication, so it's not stressing on us as a couple. That makes me smile.

Rohatsu went off without as much observance as I would have liked. It was the 8th of December, but so much complicated work stuff, plus the very sad death of my wonderful uncle in Kentucky made for a hard time of observing. Perhaps I can make my own special day to observe in the proper way in the new year. That'll make me happy. I invite you all to join me!

The bedroom is almost 100% finished with the renovations, and I think all 3 of us are thrilled. Ok, I think Alice wins that contest. The headboard has built-in cubbies, and she has promptly made all of them into little napping dens of her own. the top ledge also allows her a place to curl up to nap, or keep a vigil on birds and squirrels out the bedroom windows. The colours are wonderful and calming. It's turning into the bedroom I've wanted for a long time now. All we need is to find the perfect wall art, and we're working on it.
Anywhoodle - I'm off.

I will send updates as I can, and try to delve into the real meat of what's going on, but I'm going to need a pitchfork to sort through the crap enough to write it.

Missed you all. Send us love, topics, or whatever!

B&L

Maintaining Ties

2009-09-16T19:31:00.002-04:00

In a time of ancient gods...or perhaps just ancient customers, it is in my best interests to maintain links to the UK. The US doesn't fully want me yet, or at least they don't know they do. They panic when I get a little too close, and demand "space."

Not to fret; I can be...persuasive *pops on little black number and a tango mix-tape*.

So I maintain these ties, through keeping a house over there, bank accounts, and of course a driving license. Said driving license expires on the 24th of this month. I don't have to do anything special to renew it, just mail back a form and a pretty picture of yours truly. No retaking test, or fancy jumping through hoops or anything like that, right. Right?

Wrong.

Well, half wrong. I don't have to retake the test. Which is a good thing, because I'm certain I'd get all confuzzled and forget which side of the road to drive on. I had a panic tonight as I realized I'd forgotten the British way of writing the date. Bah.

As it turns out, the Brits and Americans are once more two countries divided by a common language when it comes to passport photos. British dimensions are not quite as simple as their old 2 by 2 American counterpart. Not one, not two, but four stores I went to on my lunch hour today refused to accommodate such an unruly request. Finally, I sweet-talked my way into a JC Penney clerk's knickers. I mean, photography studio. *cough* I think I have a date on Friday.

Knowing that I don't have much time in which to organize all this (as a typical Greening, I have known the license was expiring for months, but am as usual late to the party), I race home and start filling out the forms. Second panic of the day: The D1 or the D798? Which one am I supposed to complete? Bah! Typical British, you wait months for a form, and two come along at once. So I narrow it down to the D1 (mostly because I had previously started to complete the D798 in blue ink, and that simply won't do), and start scribbling furiously. Finished, I read the checklist of items.

Check for £20
Green counterpart license
Photocard licence

Panic number three. £20? What's that in dollars? Does it matter anyway? The DVLA won't take an American check. Crap. Do I still have a British checkbook? By this point, Alice has flown into the bedroom and is hiding under the bed from her crazy Mum who is ransacking the study. Victory! Oh me oh my, I still have the good old HSBC checkbook. Can I remember how to complete an English check? Sod it, I'll fudge it.

Green counterpart license. OK, I've seen that somewhere. Recently. Ish. Like, within the last...four years? Balls. *ransack ransack* Huzzah! There it is in the filing cabinet, neatly filed under "Stuff." How accurate and quaint.

Photocard license. I've got this, no problem. Wait. Oh, that's just bloody marvelous. I simply had to go and get myself a new wallet a couple of months ago. A slimmer model. One that doesn't contain all the unnecessary "STUFF" that I don't use on a daily basis. Like my UK photocard license. Now...if you were an insane, famished British gal, where would you have put your old wallet? In a flash of godknowswhat, I remember that I think I heard it fall down the back of the dresser about a month ago. Why yes, there it is!

OK, it's 6:30pm. Into the car I run, off to locate the only post office within a fifty mile radius to stay open past 5pm on a weekday. Small aside: What the hell, USPS? People don't work? C'mon already. I arrive at the wee place, and...c'mon, if you had to guess people. You've been following this story. You know how it ends.

Ha, they weren't closed. Those who guessed 'closed,' go directly to jail and do not collect £200. Or $200. Or anything. Sorry, not feeling particularly generous today. BUT, they did have a new system in place.

"Damned computers," the woman behind the register mutters. "Don't know why we need them in the first place. So much simpler without." Right, yes dear, you're 100% correct, now hand over the keyboard and mouse and nobody gets hurt. What? Not supposed to utter those words in a federal building? Whoops.

Together, we fuddle our way through the new system, trying to figure out how to express mail something internationally, when she reaches the Province question. "Which province is it, dear?"

Wales, I think. What? Wales isn't in there? OK...try South Glamorgan. Now look for Swansea. It's not there? Hmmmm...that's strange. OK, maybe it's Mid Glamorgan. Not there either? Hmmm... *pulls out Blackberry and starts typing furiously* West Glamorgan. Well now, that doesn't seem familiar at all, but whatever, it works. Did I mention I lived in Swansea for 2 years? Finally, my package is in the mail, my wallet is $27.95 lighter, and it will arrive on Wednesday. The day before the deadline.

And now, I'm off to stare at the ceiling for many hours. Because my life cannot handle this much excitement. DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE? STOP IT!

Not Endorsed by Anyone

2009-09-01T16:12:00.004-04:00

Am I the only person who hates the use of the word 'Indorsement?' I was only just informed of its legitimate status as a word today. Upon Googling it, I expected to see a myriad of sites dedicated to just how stupid this word is, but apparently I am alone in my diagnosis. As I type this, it is harshly underlined in red. Google agrees with me. So long as the conglomerate that will someday run the entire world agrees with me, I'm happy. But seriously, we should ban it.

Heck, we as a human race is banning stupider words...

Potential Return

2009-08-04T12:14:00.004-04:00

Hi all,

I know, I know, I've been freakishly absent. The truth is, I have so many stories to tell, but I guess I slipped into a bit of a depression back there, because I didn't think they were worth you listening to. Anyway, I'm working on getting out of the funk, and the first step of that was to actually sign into the blog for the first time in over a month.

So I return. And in this order, I will bestow upon you the stories of:

The Korean seafood/beef platter

The incessant Sarah Palin dreams

The highs of actually having insurance now...

...and the lows of seeing my old doctor

Our foray (Oh sweet Jesus, I just wrote fourway.) into the Blackberry lifestyle.

There might even be a story in there about Easy Bake Ovens. If you ask nice.

You stopped listening when I said fourway, didn't you? Gutterheads!

For now, I must bid you adieu, although I have not warranted this favor. Last night, I spent forty-five minutes on the deck finishing up Jeffrey Deaver's Roadside Crosses, and became mozzie-chum. Damn wee beasties. I'm all covered in lumps and bumps, and it's taking every last bit of will power (with which I am not particularly blessed) not to scratch off my own legs. Perhaps I will have Alice do it for me.

Today's WordOfTheDay: Scat: (noun)

2009-07-23T14:33:00.003-04:00

1) dispersed feces or dung of wild carnivorous animals.

2) what was left in the ladies toilet stall that I walked into today.

I wanted to call the MonsterHunters on the discovery channel to investigate, but honestly, I'm pretty certain I could track the beast myself.

The toilets are the auto-flush kind, so it leads me to believe that what I saw was actually the remnants of what was there prior - and that thought haunts me.

What BUGS Me...

2009-07-15T15:44:00.002-04:00

...are people who don't show up. DO NOT have your company ignore me for 5 days, then blow off the appointment you finally make when I took a half day of my own personal time off from work to sit here and wait for you.
Disrespectful little maggots who will feel my earthly wrath. You've remained nameless until now as I've given your company the chance at redemption. After today - the gloves are off.

When you run out of options, scream like a girl.

2009-07-14T11:06:00.003-04:00

{Warning - a bit long...}
I'm laid back these days. So much so that people who knew me once upon a time really can't believe it's me. I attribute it to the meditation and my work on moving forward in my Buddhist practice and beliefs. This week, however, tested the gentle, calm waters that had been lapping at my feet and I must confess - I failed. At this point, I pretty much peed in the proverbial waters.

My central air conditioning has been in the process of being installed for quite some time now. There have been obstacles at every turn of this project, including random walls inside other walls that block the vents, odd sized openings for the returns, odd sized beams in the walls. The guy doing it is wonderful. Patient and so very 110% on the job. It's actually not his fault, but between the need to get custom made parts, plus waiting for other ordered pieces, waiting on the a/c people to show up to hook up the chemicals, dealing with the electrician to upgrade my electric and a hundred other things - it's drawn out over 6 weeks now. It's the middle of July and it's not in yet! As of today, the downstairs unit is working, however there are 2 vents not functioning at 100% and he's trying to figure out what convoluted reason there is for this. He's hoping to have the upstairs system finished and functioning by tomorrow morning, ending the a/c drama. Then we're extracting the wall a/c and patching the wall in the living room. I can't wait for that!

Second reason I am becoming more and more neurotic - Spiders. I will repeat the first section of this post - I am a gentle and calm person. I am a practicing Buddhist. I try to harm no living creature. I am not the biggest fan of spiders. I can handle them for the most part - scoop them unto some type of paper object and "assist" them in relocating to an area outside of my home. That makes it fine for me and everyone lives. It's a win-win. My problem started after my brother in law was bitten in his yard by a Brown Recluse Spider.

After seeing him go through the painful, nasty, leaky, flesh-destroying mess of a month in the hospital I have lost a lot of love for the species as a whole. Fear will do that. So, I enlisted the services of professional preventative pest control in an environmentally friendly way. I was pleased with myself and the steps I took to create a barrier for my home so I would not kill something in a reaction.

This seemed to fail, however, when the other night I saw about 2 dozen tiny little specks of spiders on my kitchen ceiling. Most were just milling about. Some were practicing the art of descending on their webs. They must have just been hatched or birthed or whatever the proper term would be. I caught 2 in a zip lock bag (that I'm venting daily to keep alive to show the pest guy to determine what they are before I let them go. The rest I swept off the ceiling and out the door. Within 20 minutes, there were a dozen more in the exact spot I had just cleared. I was beside myself. My sweetie cannot abide anything creepy or crawly, so I had to reassure her while trying hard not to panic myself while visions of the little bastards doing kamikaze missions into my ears and mouth while I'm sleeping crept into my head. I kept clearing them out. I fear some of them may have perished while I swept them out. They were tiny and difficult to track. The next day, several more were in the kitchen on in the same area of the ceiling. I tried to remove them in the same way. This has continued from Friday through the time of this posting. At first sight - I called my new pest friends. They were gone, but the corporate office assured me that they were processing my request for immediate service and gave me a reference number for when my branch called me the next morning to come out. I felt a little relief. The next morning, no call. Late morning - no call. I called them, no answer - not even a machine. It's a nationwide corporation. No machine? I called that night and Sunday, still battling the waves of little fuckers. I gave up on my branch and called corporate again. They gave me a new reference number and apologized and said the branch manager would contact me first thing this morning. At that count, I had banished over 40 of them. 40. Think about 40 tiny little spiders crawling in your home. How would you feel? I felt helpless. And they were RIGHT OVER MY SINK AND STOVE AND COUNTER!! Try thinking about making dinner now.

No call this morning. I called them. Rudeness and ignorance abounded. I countered with as much loving kindness as I could muster. I was informed the branch manager was not coming in today. I was also informed that they could try to fit me in on maybe Friday. Friday? That would make it an entire week from my first contact. Unacceptable behaviour! She said she'd call me back if they could fit me in and hung up. I immediately called corporate back. I told them I didn't want another reference number, as I already have two and they do no good. The woman I spoke to was patient and listened to what I had to say. I remained calm and explained the situation. She pulled up my account and saw my contacts and attempted contacts. She placed me on hold and made a conference call with me, my branch and herself. She introduced herself to them and said she'd wait on the line while they made an appropriate appointment to take care of my issue and resolved my problem. The branch person seemed really irritated, but the corporate person was polite and calm. She asked if there was anything else the branch could do for me and I paused and said calmly - "I need them to honor that contract and take me seriously. I paid very good money to NOT have to deal with this. It happened, that was okay, but then they needed to deal with it immediately and they didn't. Because of this, I had to KILL LIVING THINGS and that really upsets me!"

By now my voice had raised several octaves and I was on the brink of a shrill scream. "I do not kill things!! Do you understand!!?? I cannot take the life of something just because I am insanely and irrationally afraid of being bitten by a spider that will then spiral me into the same decomposing flesh nightmare my brother in law dealt with!!! Am I being unreasonable??!! AM I!!??" *heaving and gasping breaths to catch up to the fervor I was in*

Silence on the branch end, and I could hear the almost satisfied amusement and smugness in the corporate woman's voice as she said "I certainly hope that all of our employees share our commitment to satisfying your needs, and will take your concerns to heart. Can I count on this Miss. Whatshername?" I think she enjoyed making the branch woman squirm for not taking care of things the way she should have.

They are coming tomorrow around noon. I'll have to take time off from work, but at this point, it's worth it. I have things contained to the kitchen, but it needs to stay that way.

Yay for Corporate behaving in a way that made me feel valued. Boo to the local branch that is supposed to service me. I'm grumpy with them. Let's see what's in store for me when I get home!

Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

2009-06-30T19:54:00.002-04:00

Hardly!

I bring this message to you from a somewhat quieter than usual house of debauchery, as my beloved has gone away for a few days. This is the first time in three years that we'll have been sleeping apart, and it's a little strange. She is exploring the great white North. No, not that far. South a bit. A little further. Ok, now North a bit. East. East. You got it, right there.

On Friday night, we will be meeting up in the delightful little town of Mystic, CT. Our lives have honestly been a little too hectic to warrant much time for relaxation, so we're going to make the most of this nice little weekend away.

I don't have news for you, pets, that you don't already know. I got my visa - although I am still trying to summon up the courage to read through all the paperwork - so that's calming. We have a brand new car, Charlie the Mini Cooper Clubman. The kitten is her usual adorable, obnoxious self, and is feeling remarkably better than she's ever been. We are currently having Central Air installed in the house, finally, two years after we moved in, and that will be positively blissful.

I would actually like to take this opportunity to direct you towards a site that has me rolling on a regular basis. Momversation is an extremely amusing site running videos of 10 regular panelists, and a few guests thrown in once in a while. Each video has a designated topic, and the Mommies talk about their views on the subject. They just have such a way with words, and some of the expressions are priceless. It's not nice to have favorites, but I'm particularly partial to Heather, Alice, Mindy and Maggie.

Take a gander: you'll be glad you did. And remember, nuns are watching you.

One Step Closer

2009-06-22T18:19:00.003-04:00

This afternoon, at approximately 1pm, I received word from my attorneys that my petition for H-1B status as a non-immigrant worker had been accepted. This is quite the weight off, my friends! As of October this year, my visa will kick in, lasting until September 2012. Hopefully at some point during the next three years, I can pull it all together enough to get my green card and finally, finally make an honest woman out of this here Yank I'm chained to!

OK, so it's an emotional time, and it's brought out the stoic Brit in me. So sue me! I'm so thrilled. So much money, and I'm just so glad it wasn't all for nothing. What a great way to celebrate our fourth anniversary together!

Hardcore Long time, eh?

2009-06-18T21:34:00.003-04:00

And is she coming back with a bang? A flourish?

Nay. She's coming back with a video. A video that has nothing to do with us, but that I saw over at Mindy's site, and thought was really rather amusing. That's Brit for hilarious.

What it feels like to be told about a new sibling:

We'll be back soon, I promise. *smooches*

Just be thankful it's not a scratch and sniff post

2009-06-08T14:47:00.004-04:00

It seems that I am a creature of sheer luck, and every time I utilize the facilities where I work, it is inevitable that a certain woman from another department will follow me in there. It can't be planned, I'm certain - but it boils down to this:

It's foul.

From the sounds, the odd intermittent noises, the grunts and sighs and noises that couldn't possibly emanate from a mouth - my conclusion was - that can't be human.

I've got a strong stomach, and I'm very good at holding the hair of a loved one whilst they vomit or partake of something similar. This, however, I cannot endure. I find myself gagging at the sounds - my mouth watering that ungodly amount that indicates "Look out, Bitches - you're gonna hurl!" If I can get past it - the battle's only half over.

I can't leave my stall - I'm trapped in my stall of hell. She saw me enter, and I am frozen in fear and horror - doomed to cower in there silently until the ordeal has finished.

Phase II begins immediately after, with the foulest odors one could imagine. I would prefer to stick my nose deep within the rotting intestinal cavity of a 3 week old corpse that had been in the trunk of a parked car sitting in the sun who's last meal consisted solely of vast amounts of cabbage.

I want to scream "Courtesy Flush Please!!!" but it's no secret who I am, and I'd only drool out the saliva in my mouth that is pooling there while trying not to vomit.

At this point I'm breathing through my mouth and trying not to drown from my watering mouth. Breathing through my nose is NOT an option. Fleeting images of random things pop into my head that further disgust me - 2 girls/1 cup; possible escape routes blocked by mounds of feces; hot dogs; opening the stall door and finding a sloth-like dragon in the stall who belches a little smoke and asks me to excuse her because she ate too many villagers and it upset her tummy.

Unfortunately, there is no polite dragon. Only the beast within the other stall. I finally hear a gurgling flush as the toilet struggles to take in the damage. The grunting continues as I imagine the poor soul/evil creature who did this is adjusting themselves in the stall. I hear flush number two, as the toilet sucks down much more fluidly than the first time. I can picture the possible marks left on the porcelain and I shudder.

Seconds drag and I finally hear the latch to the stall slide open and she strolls to the sinks while the toilet flushes for the third time. the main door opens and closes and there is silence. I grab my opportunity, and run from the stall and bathroom , down an opposite corridor, gulping fresh air as I run. I wait down the hall until I feel it's safe, and make my way back to my department, holding my breath as I hurried past the bathroom.

Why my timing is such that I endure this ritual at least 3 times in any given week, I'll never know.

Pull the Cord on 3...

2009-05-29T20:57:00.000-04:00

You know the decision to diet was wise when while throwing your undies across the room, they turn into a parachute... I'm less than amused.

It's Not What it Sounds Like

2009-05-22T18:39:00.004-04:00

All week, we've been planning a BBQ at work, and today the plans came to fruition. The weather cooperated, the chef was great, and lots of fun was had by all, considering we squeezed it into our lunch hour.

Everything's going swimmingly. Everyone's laughing and joking around, nomming our way happily through lots of food. One of the chaps is trying to come up with an excuse to spend the rest of the day outside. He says he wants to mandate that everyone bring out their computer towers and blow the dust out of them with some fresh air, because, well, it IS memorial day weekend.

And genius here, without thinking AT ALL, says: "Yes, we have to remember those towers that have previously fallen."

Silence.

I'm looking around like, what? I know it wasn't THAT funny, but a smirk or something? Anyone?

DR finally says: "Ouch?"

And I realize that I have inadvertently made them all think that the new-girl-foreigner-on-the-block just made a 9/11 joke. Brilliant.

Forget Swine Flu... It's Sudden Lesbian Syndrome!!

2009-05-04T13:37:00.005-04:00

I thought the headline was another FARK joke, but no, I read on further to see that Oprah and CNN really issued reports and dedicated blog postings to this new affliction. My question is, where were these women 10 years ago, and why didn't I go to school to be a nurse in some specialty clinic for this!

In the interest of fair blogging, I offer you the links for CNN.com and Oprah.com articles, as well as the best photo of Her Majesty "O" I have ever seen.
Enjoy kids.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/23/o.women.leave.menfor.women/

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2009/05/04/cnn-oprah-com-calls-sudden-lesbian-syndrome-new-trend-without-an

Alphabits Vomit

2009-05-02T21:21:00.005-04:00

Remember that Alphabits cereal? Well, right now my brain feels a bit like a Alice in Wonderland sized bowel of it drowning in swirly milk, and I only have a piece of string to try to eat it with. So, in a jumbled fashion I am going to spew forth some of what is on my mind, and hope it does me some kind of good and keeps me out of an asylum. Please remember it's a stream of consciousness kind of thing, so if it makes no sense to you, you might be better off - and I am not responsible for any streams that it might trigger in you.

Hermaphrodite insensitive wankers users making days long and difficult choking feeling breathing meditating peace and calm washing over then turning to black big cysts or lumps or what they find and won't confirm or deny making it harder and harder to figure out how I feel and not concentrate on death and sickness Jesus shaped ducks and Jehovah's witnesses at my door early on a Saturday morning to have a 'discussion' unable to move in my own space unable to function normally walking on eggshells tired of the repetitive drama that is stale and old how many colors they now make for cars and how few of those are available on the specific model I choose value versus affording versus debt versus me and what's MY value? Debt vs. Me while others disavow responsibility and I shoulder even more as the weight crushes and I yell for the penguin to stop it from happening - Burma! but it's already exploded
wheezing when I'm face first to the wind and drowning in the daily routine of life knowing what needs to be done and lacking the ability to lift my arm

making excuses for the leeches around me and failing to get past my guilt of not being everything to everyone

loving the walk of the Buddhist path and yet lamenting (which I wouldn't if I was a better Buddhist) that I am not walking it well enough...
caffeine caramel and calories ball gazer dean Sparkling Silver is the name of the color of our car with black jacks.
frustration pouring out of my ears and they are on fire. my ears radiate heat and my throat runs dry with desperation, wanting to have the slightest bit of control over my life and knowing it's desperately out of my hands. Stop poking me in the stomach I don't like it!! don't pick the most inappropriate times to talk to me and don't assume I will always be here to wipe your ass
inconsiderate assmunchers destined to never overcome their own inability to grow the fuck up
i miss incense and candles Me time drained tired and unable to meet all the demands on me, but am I at fault for allowing these demands to be placed on me babies pink and brown and yoinks that deflate me travel getting into the new motor and just going. Driving north until i feel happy again, until I can breathe. bottom of the ninth, why are the red sox losing and why do I even feel responsible for that?? wish I could have seen the Dalai Lama today in Mass and even as i try ridding myself of desire, i want.

If you came this far, you deserve a treat. I don't even care that it's misspelled. He's so freaking adorable.

2 Girls, 1 CuppaHolyCrapWTFBBQ?

2009-04-28T22:21:00.005-04:00

Ok, I guess I am slow on the uptake, and I really had no interest in seeing the internet phenom commonly referred to as "2G1C", however tonight L and I saw a link about fake "reactions" to the video by Kermit the Frog and Mario & Luigi. After watching the reactions, it seemed a harmless enough thing to just casually see what the fuss is about. For the record, we were on Wikipedia, looking up the proper term for fecal fetishism, which for you bibliophiles is "coprophagia" and is a killer for a scrabble game.

If you know me, then you know I am not a prude, I'm not shy, and not much shocks me. Lisa, for the most part, is a Brit version on me, so not too much shocking there. Tonight, after the approx. 2 minute clip had gone start to finish with us sitting, mouths agape and expressionless had a very short heart to heart. Here's how it went...

(outro of video clip ends...)

Me: Hon?

L: (After a few moments pause of someone suffering a trauma) Um... Yeah?

Me: Whatever happens, just... well... please don't ever ask me to do that.

L: Um... Seriously. (gags a bit) I need to leave the room. (Gags again and walks out as I turn to the screen to write this)

(End)

Still curious? Ok, but be warned - it's not from us, and it's not OF us. Good luck ever eating chocolate ice cream again. I'm scarred for life - and they weren't even pretty.
At Your Own Risk:

http://www.flurl.com/video/5496822_comments.htm

Conversation at "the Hotel"

2009-04-21T10:49:00.003-04:00

"Bellhop #1" : Dude, parents are cruel. I feel bad for this dude.
"Concierge" : I've heard worse last names than "Hymen". It's not that bad.
"Bellhop #1" : True, I mean, I guess.

Pause

"Bellhop #2" (aka Me) : Yeah, like his first name could have been "Buster."

So, it only took a tiny "Buster Hymen" joke to make me giggle this morning.

Karmic Chameleon

2009-04-19T18:26:00.003-04:00

This weekend brought about a lot of conversations that revolved around or involved in some way Karma. I believe in karma. I have believed in it in various ways over the years, and as I have grown up and taken the path more seriously, my understanding of it has changed greatly.

What I noticed right lately is that many people I know regard karma as a weapon or a revenge/payback method - kind of a pay-to-play for some. I see people who get hurt by others waiting around to see that person get hurt by another in return, and gleefully remark that it was the work of Karma. There are so many things about this trend that I see, and in some cases, the waiting for 'karmic retribution' overtakes that person's life, and they become miserable and preoccupied with the past, unable to live in the present while so consumed by all of the feelings and waiting.

I am no saint, and I know I was not a very nice person in my past. I am certain that there might still be a few people who are waiting to see a similar karmic kickback give a solid, stinging comic book-esque THWACK!! to my ass. While I can understand this feeling, and admit to having it myself before, I am really wanting these people to let go.

Easy for me to say, if I was the one who hurt them or wronged them; but I am saying it with the most open heart, and the most honest intentions. If I have learned lessons to share while on my own journey, surely this is a big one. Karma is the idea that your actions (and thoughts) will have an impact on your life, either now or in a future life. Reincarnation is one of the things often linked to the idea of karma. You might wait a lifetime to see something negative happen to someone, only to see them die before it does, or for you yourself to die without seeing anything. What has this gained for you? Nothing. You spent your life waiting for retribution, missing all of the wondrous and beautiful things that could happen to you in the meantime. You would miss living in the present. You could miss the chance to live freely, mindfully and happily. Just because you don't actively seek a physical revenge from someone does not mean that the revenge will not consume you. I have had to do this a lot in recent years. Consciously put aside the angers or the hurt that someone might have caused me. I had to fully let them go and not relate with past occurrences to interfere with my present life. Karma is not to be controlled by us, and we can only strive to be as aware of our actions as we can be, living mindfully, harming no one, and loving everyone. Forgiveness must be complete and total, or else you open yourself up to dwelling on things- and that will only cause more obstacles than you can overcome, and block you from reaching a true enlightened state.

Since my wish is for all the people on the earth to live harmoniously, peacefully, and lovingly I hope that all people; especially those who might feel that at some point in life I have brought them harm, hurt, or chaos; to move on from that place, and release themselves. You are the only person who can bring peace to your life. I'm not saying that the other people in your life are unimportant, or that loving them is unimportant. I am saying that your focus must be on yourself - and mindful living - to bring peace to yourself and those around you.

The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything

2009-04-14T08:45:00.004-04:00

I don't want to say too much, because I'm a firm believer that if you gloat, brag, or think too positively, that the universe will hear and come after you. It thinks you are a cookie. A small, nommable cookie.

That said, while I was checking the USCIS website yesterday, I came across their H-1B update. They received only 42,000 visa applications which count towards the 65,000 cap. This means that, at the very least, somebody will be reviewing my application. Mine is one of the 42,000. This means that one of the hurdles I wrote about previously has now been jumped successfully. It's still going to take them about another 6 weeks to give me an answer, but I will be considered. This is a feat unto itself, and a small relief.

But not too much of a relief, because that universe is particularly peckish right now...

Hook Size Doesn't Matter When You Use Dynamite

2009-04-09T10:06:00.002-04:00

***Because life is the away it is, I will, as always, speak obtusely and of course fictionally about the 'hotel' I work in. Wouldn't want to Dooce myself, so this is all a made up story. Yeah. ****

It feels like walking through a mine field at work lately. I have delusions that I'm in a war, and other solders are being blown to bits all around me, while I know I can just as easily step on the next mine. It reminds me of kids throwing dynamite into a river to see the unlucky fish float to the top.

Two part timers were laid off this week. No one or two weeks notice - just "buh-bye". It's disconcerting, and it's just really frustrating when you look at the bigger picture. He/She was brought into a room with several 'managers' to be let go. These managers make insane money. In-sane. I often wonder how some people can feel comfortable justifying earning the amounts they do when you equate it to the work they do. Seriously not an even trade. It's be like handing the guy who squeegees your car window on a NYC street about $10K each time, and I think they do more work. When you combine their salaries (and the fact that they did not get benefits) these two part time people made less than a quarter of just one of these managers' salaries, yet the lay offs were based on the economic stress and budgeting cuts in various departments of the hotel. What kind of hotel can function when the manager and the owner make all the money, and they refuse to hire/pay/keep any employees to run the hotel? I just don't know how some people sleep comfortably knowing the disparity. I'm not one to whine about injustice or things not being "fair", but watching someone lose their home while others are wondering if they can work a little overtime to get a newer Lexus, because the 2008 just wasn't new enough.

It is now impossible for any 2 people to be off on the same day, and have our department area of the hotel function. They also slashed budgeted monies so that it's not possible to pay for all regular hotel employees to be present at all required functions. It's as though there's a wedding in our hotel this weekend, but we can't pay the chefs, cooks, servers or bartenders to serve the guests. We still expect you to show up though!

Honestly - I'm all for tightening the belt, slimming the budget, and working together to keep costs down, but part of the idea of cutting budgets and such was to ensure we'd not lose employees - at least save the jobs even if we have to function a little less comfortably during this time.

What I am seeing instead are giddy and self-concerned uppers wielding a butcher's knife and hacking away at the little sinewy strands of tissue and skin that were meekly holding together the skeleton of the emaciated anorexic of a company.

/rant

People Scare Me

2009-04-02T16:19:00.004-04:00

Ok, I was going to leave my last post as it, but I overheard something I need to share with you.

Woman 1: Did you know that this Sunday is English Mother's Day?
Woman 2: Why no, I didn't. How strange that it's on a different day.
Woman 1: Yeah, apparently they didn't want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, so they just made up another holiday.

Wait. What?

April Fool...

2009-04-02T16:17:00.001-04:00

I'm relatively sure that my beloved has a post up her sleeves about our recent house appraisal, but instead of waiting for her to get a spare 5 seconds, I thought I'd just pop my head in.

This evening we are off to Pennsylvania to see our favorite group, Girlyman. If you haven't heard their music, or even heard of them, please go forth and check them out. You won't regret it. I have a bit of a crush on Ty. Heh.

In lieu of anything I have to say that might be interesting, I shall leave you with a small tale.

Yesterday, a co-worker of Barbara's at the infamous CoffeeLand decided it would make for a good April Fool if she came on to me. S is 21, cute as a button, and generally quite adorable, but I wanted to play. So, the conversation went something like this:

S: So...I have something to say, and it's really awkward for me to say it, and it'll be really awkward for you to hear it...but...I fancy you. (yes, she really used those words!)
Me: Ok. That's not too awkward. I'm flattered.
S: I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime? But I guess not.
Me: Oh, no! I'd love to.
S: Well, I know that you're with Barbara, so I'm sorry if I've overstepped any lines.
Me: Not at all. I'm not exactly monogamous. She doesn't know, but I like to have my fun on the side, otherwise life's too dull. You're not working Friday night, right? Barbara's working late. We could definitely hook up then.
S: Great. We'll go out for coffee or something.
Me (leering): Coffee's not exactly what I had in mind...

S: < panicked look > Erm... < nervous giggle > Ha! April Fool!
Me: Yeah, you too baby!

And for the first time in my life, I was really struck by a thought: Wow, I have NO desire to cheat on my girlfriend. That might read a little strange, I mean we've been together 4 years, but yeah...I'm still completely smitten, and have no desire to sabotage our life. It's a strange feeling. But I think I kinda like it.

Fingers Crossed

2009-04-01T13:25:00.002-04:00

So today is the day I officially submitted my request to the US government that I might please, if they wouldn't mind awfully, be allowed to stay here and work for another 3 years. It looks like I won't find out whether or not my petition for H-1B status has been accepted for another 2 months, but I'd still like to ask you all to keep your fingers crossed for me. Otherwise, I might have to get married, and I'd really rather not.

I am slightly hooked on EagleCam. The Eaglets (tell me, is there a cuter word?) are expected in three days and I'm just glued to the screen watching Mommy and Daddy 'nesting', and collect fishies for them. It's truly adorable. I strongly recommend checking it out!

A Twist on Overheard

2009-03-31T08:30:00.004-04:00

Usually we bring you snippets of randomness that we have overheard, like the guy in the street telling his girlfriend he wasn't really bothered about trying to save their relationship, or the girl who was so pretty she was Abercrombie pretty.

This morning, however, I offer you a slight twist on this theme, and instead introduce you to a conversation that I sadly did not overhear, but in which I was instead a part.

The Scenario: A coworker and I are leaving work at the same time. I'm still relatively new, and at times things can be awkward because we're still feeling each other out. At a stretch for something to say, my coworker turns to me and says:

Coworker: So, British accent huh?
Me: Mmmhmm.
Coworker: So where you from? Britain or Australia?

Beauty Inside and Out

2009-03-29T20:02:00.004-04:00

Many of you know I'm questing; or walking the path, if you'd rather that expression. Whatever you choose to cal it, I'm a practicing Buddhist and a very happy one. In the past, when I've tried to get more serious about my practice, things have always gotten in the way - specifically myself. Now, I feel as though I am ready to understand and process the teachings and live the way I really want to.

As a part of this and with Lisa's support, I've begun to draw and paint again. It's early, so I am a bit hard on myself, but it centers me and it's a form of meditation I am using and I couldn't be happier about it. I feel like I glow from within when I'm doing it.

Also, I've been adding to my tattoo collection. Some people have asked me if this doesn't contradict the idea that Buddhists should not be attached to worldly things. I pondered long and hard about this, read up as much as I could and I found that attachment for Buddhists isn't what a lot of people would believe. I got certain Buddhist symbols, and positioned them in places on my body they way I wanted them, and when I see them, I smile and I'm reminded to breathe mindfully, and to take that moment and act with compassion rather than another emotion that might be negative and I am trying to break. I do not sit around and pet the tattoos as though they are an object I possess and crave and attach myself to in that respect. I like the idea that this 'permanent' (huge laugh since nothing is permanent) symbol on my body will assist me in the earlier stages of my path to have the right intentions, actions, and continual mindfulness.

With this, I leave you with the images of the most recent additions as of this weekend, and I am happy to be working on creating the next set. Namaste everyone!

Avoidance is Key

2009-03-24T11:05:00.004-04:00

Because we are still up to our ears in immigration and house-refinancing paperwork, I am merely going to share with you something in the spirit of misheard lyrics. It's something I've been pondering for a while now, because frankly, my ears aren't as young as they used to be (must be all the paperwork), and it's not uncommon to hear "That's what they were singing? No way!" in our house.

So today, I bring you Science Fiction: Double Feature , as heard by me for, well, ever.

Real Lyrics:
"And I really got hot
When I saw Janette Scott
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills"

My version of the Lyrics:
"And I really got hot
When I saw Janette Scott
Fighting to the death in fourteen inch heels"

In Which I Ramble and Discuss Immigration

2009-03-18T17:51:00.002-04:00

Well now.

My sweetie has thrown down the gauntlet, and started up with the blog again, and if I am to feel equal then I must do the same. Actually, I’ve been missing it greatly, but I simply haven’t had the time to update between work, and hitting my pillow face first.

So…I am here. I am 2 and a half weeks into my new job and I am loving it. I get to play with code. All day. It’s great.

The one part of my job that has been weighing on me has been this horrific necessity to get myself properly legal. I have explained this time and time again to people who think that now I have a job here, I’m a citizen, but the truth of the matter is it’s just too confusing for words. Now, instead of having to explain, I can just point them here.

I am currently on an F1-OPT visa. This means that I am still, technically, under a student visa, but undergoing training with a firm in my field of study. That is, technically, what the job is.
This F1-OPT visa expires in a year. February 27th, 2010. If I’m not sorely mistaken, it is on that date that I will be given 60 days to leave the country.

Unless…unless!

There is this wonderful entity – a beautiful beastie – called an H-1B visa. This is, to the common man, a working visa. Guess what? I’m working! Wheee! I’m eligible to apply for this delight.

That said, here’s a few details about the H-1B, for those of you following along at home:

There is a limited quota of these available each year.

Because of this, they ‘sell out’ quickly.

The start date for the H-1B visa is October.

The first day on which immigration workers start considering applications is April 1st.

For the last 3 years, the quotas has been filled on April 1st.

It is now March 18th.

And strictly speaking, *I* am not eligible to apply. My company is eligible to apply, and BossMan made it clear from the offset that he did NOT want to be involved in any of these legalities. So…his signature is the only part in this plot that he will play. But the attorneys won’t accept money or documents from the worker themselves. Me. So. I gather all the information, fill in all the forms, write the checks, and get BossMan to sign. The majority of my paperwork is now in the mail, although there are still a few odds and ends that need tying.

If I am not accepted, it is not the end of the world. My F1-OPT is still current. I am still allowed to stay here, and work legally for another year. At which point, I may certainly apply for another H-1B, with next year’s applicants. If I am successful next year, I will be eligible to begin work next October, 2010. Until that time, I have to leave the country.

This visa can last up to 6 years, and counts as a ‘dual intent’ visa, meaning I am allowed to own property, and appliances, and of course the biggie, apply for permanent residency. That is my big hurdle; that is the accomplishment I desire.

I always knew they had another motive..

2009-03-18T11:53:00.003-04:00

Muah ha ha ha ha ah ha!

Foooooo Goooooo

2009-03-18T11:35:00.002-04:00

Lately I've had the feeling that I missed something. You know that nagging feeling that you've been climbing flights of stairs and you should have arrived at a particular landing by now, but all you see are more stairs above and below. I've been feeling this for so long that I've been checking each floor for an emergency exit.

In theory, things are tip top. L graduated from her School, known as the University of Ultimate Learning and Money Sucking. She started her job the very next week and is thrilled to bits with how challenging it is. She comes home daily all excited and wanting to share the jokes and experiences of the day. I feel sad that the geek humor is wasted on me a bit. Nothing kills a joke for me like a punchline of "blah blah blah... SQL!" Ha ha ha ha ha... I don't get it.

So I can't shake the feeling. I think it started years ago when we said "we just have to make it through {insert random major issue of life here} and then we'll be fine and life will be all flowers, puppies and rainbows!" Well, we've conquered all the random major issues as they came at us, and I'm here thinking "Now it's supposed to be calm, easier, better. Not living as though L could be expelled from the country any moment. Not having to work extra jobs to stay afloat. One step closer to a Green Card. Not being up all night worrying over all this stuff for L.

Granted, the economy is a wreck, and the people being given the means to assist in rectifying it are blowing goats and monkeys by giving millions in bonuses to top excecs instead of repairing damage and saving jobs and the entire economy. That is not pleasing me, but I don't think it's the root of my inability to pop out of the funk.

Any ideas? I'm willing to consider them.

You know I'll always come back...

2009-03-13T07:45:00.005-04:00

Yes, we were quiet. Absent. You clicked our link to find only the same old posts sitting there, lonely and used. There was no sign of the She girls, only silence.
*crickets*

However, after a long and very busy month, many things have been completed and/or resolved that took precidence over the blogging. We hate to say it, but it is true. Sometimes you cannot be the center of our worlds, and you really need to learn to share. What were you, an only child?

So we're back. Gazelle is graduated, employed, and on the way to more solid citizenship. We are still able to maintain our home *crosses fingers in this economy* and generally really happy. I am looking at ending my part time job since Gazelle is employed now and I'm old, exhausted and generally lazy. lol Actually, I want to spend that time in my downstairs studio reacquainting myself with my art. I'll try to post some posted pieces if I don't suck too hard.

Look for more consistent posts, and a pat on your head for the undying loyalty you've shown. Thanks for hanging in with us. See you soon.

A Week for the Books

2009-02-24T14:42:00.002-05:00

Today starts a very hectic, tumultuous time of my life. Daddy is arriving tonight. As we speak, he is somewhere over the Atlantic. Here, to be exact:

On Thursday, I am finally graduating. Ten years after beginning my higher education. I'm trying to stay calm, and focus on the fact that it's less than 48 hours away. The truth is, I have this irrational fear that I will never be graduating. It's ridiculous, I know. I'm just fearful that because it's taken me so long, maybe it's never meant to happen. So focus, Lisa: 48 hours.

Saturday is party time, celebratory drinks galore. This past weekend, we hung out in New Hope at the Triumph with some of Barbara's school friends: Nora, Christine, Amy, Kim and Mike. It was a complete riot and I fell so in love with raspberry wheat beer that I brought home 3 flagons of it. So that is definitely on the cards this week, for sure! Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to the party. I'm not much of a partier, but this should be relatively small with the best people money can't buy.

Then, of course, comes Monday. Ah, Monday. The day I officially start work. I'm excited and terrified all at once. I need to impress the BossMan enough to get him to sponsor me, and I'm afraid I can't do it. Because, y'know, what's life without a little pressure, right? I'm sure it'll all be fine, but if you don't hear from us in a while, that's because Barbara's busy slapping the nonsense out of my head. Salut!

Feeling Soppy

2009-02-11T14:01:00.004-05:00

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Honestly, I don't know what good any of this is going to do. It's like watching a tennis match:

"Yay we have rights!" *serve*
"Boo, I'm offended" *volley*
"Huzzah, we have rights again!" *lob*
"I'm still offended..." *backhand*
"Don't Divorce Us..." *half-volley*

I'm hoping, hoping, and hoping some more that this new administration does what is needed for LGBT rights. I, for one, am not about to stop fighting any time soon. My sister will be a legal permanent resident of this country before I am because of all these games. I don't begrudge her in the slightest. She deserves to be happy. So do I. I just want what her fiancé wants: to marry my wife.

But Which KIND of Robin?

2009-02-03T10:58:00.002-05:00

American or English?

Seriously, folks, I mentioned before that Robin gave us a boatload of material. Here's another two of her gems.

(While talking to a particular friend of ours, who happens to be decidedly Christian, Robin decides that dating advice is in order...)

Robin: At the end of the date, if all else fails, grab his junk.

M: Wuh?

(Later, as people are getting up to leave)

Robin: Enjoy your date, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

M: Oh, I probably won't...

Sex On The Brain

2009-02-03T09:17:00.003-05:00

Sunday morning, my beloved Father-in-Law stops in for coffee on his way back from church. He does this most Sundays, occasionally accompanied by his lady wife. He wanders about, shoots the shit, and finds something to pick on in our house.

"The dust bunnies under your TV are multiplying."

"Do you plan on ever using your dining room table for eating again?"

"How many SHOES do you need?!"

And of course, this Sunday morning's classic was:

"What on earth is that hanging on your bed? A camera? What are you guys DOING in here?!"

(It should be noted for the record that the camera he thought he espied was in fact the booklight my father bought me for Christmas, so that I may read into the night without disturbing my sweetie. Only my Father-in-Law could make that about sex)

Red-Breasted Robin

2009-01-25T22:46:00.004-05:00

We've been decidedly MIA, for which I apologize, but there is good reason. My beloved is of course still working her two jobs, and I am now one month and one day away from finally graduating. Providing, of course, that I don't screw it up. There are no guarantees in baseball.

There's a lot to talk about, from the new job, to my sudden lack of medication, including, of course, our new President; however, as The United States of Tara is starting imminently, I can leave you with a small anecdote.

This afternoon, Barbara's boss from the real job (not CoffeeLand) took all of his employees, and their partners, out to a very swish (in the English sense of the word) luncheon. At this luncheon, we met the girlfriend of the youngest son of said boss. Does it say something about my character if the form of that sentence makes me think in German's dative case?

Anyway, we shall call the girlfriend Red-Breasted Robin, and she...was a trip. A complete and utter riot, to the point where I was emailing myself comments, lest I forget. 24, native to New Jersey, and I believe one of a kind. It is with a slight warning that I introduce you to a very scary mind.

Red-Breasted Robin: Oh my god, J's cousin's boyfriend, I think he's gay. He's like the best dancer ever, and he's not even Italian or Black.

Stay tuned for your next installment, coming soon.

Karmic Retribution

2009-01-13T09:38:00.002-05:00

I'm very aware that those two terms should not really belong in the same sentence together, but I appear to be having one of those mornings. This morning, I hit snooze maybe 4 times (it gives you an extra 9 minutes each time) and then the plummet began.

I hadn't really given myself enough time to get ready this morning, so I just went into autopilot. I grabbed some cereal and left the house around 8am, needing to be at school 25 minutes later, at a location 35 minutes away. The car wouldn't start. Nothing major, he was just cold. So I eventually got him started, and then he needed time to warm up. So I ran inside and grabbed myself an apple for lunch. Then we were on our way.

10 minutes into my journey I am suddenly aware that I have left my wallet and cell phone at home. Foregoing the soda this morning because "I'll just stop for coffee" became one of the worst ideas I've had. It's too late to turn around, so I figure I'm just going to have to force myself through the day on my apple, and the soda I left in the work refrigerator yesterday.

I arrive at school, 8:25 on the dot, grab my bag from the passenger seat and watch helplessly as my apple flies out of my bag, under the SUV I parked next to. At this point all I can do is laugh. I come inside, run to the employee lounge to grab my soda, and it's gone. Some minx must've taken off with it. I can't blame them, really; it was a nummy vanilla type soda. But it was mine.

I have no food, no wallet, no phone, no money...and I'm thinking about just going home! No more snooze for me.

On Complexities

2008-12-31T12:10:00.002-05:00

While playing Guitar Hero, for the first time ever...

Kris: Wow, this is hard.

< pause >

Kris: This is even harder than math

Yeah, I Blew It

2008-12-30T10:59:00.004-05:00

...and I didn't even get paid.

I didn't give you all 12 Days of Christmas. To be honest? It was a clusterfeck at the end, and finding time to post when I was running around and working on Christmas was too much. I got done work, ran home, had family over, went to other family's house for dinner - driving home I could barely focus on the road, let alone the computer screen.

My apologies to all who give a damn.

Here lies another problem of late... I don't really give a damn. I'm working myself silly, and I've lost a bit of my grip on reality. I live for getting home and sliding into bed for the few hours I get. I feel horrible about that. It's as though I am not the person I was a year, 2 years, even longer ago. I used to be fun. Now, I'm a walking zombie. I need to change that.

So, how am I going about it? I have the shortlist right here!

~L and I are going back on our diets. We lost over 20lbs each last time, and I think we've gained it all back each. SO --- I need to de-porkify.
~I Find myself getting BACK into music a lot, and it's making me a bit happier. I'm making some mixes for friends now, actually.
~I'm pondering working again. Wait, by that I mean painting and such. I have the beginnings of inspiration. All I need to do now is set up an area in the basement that I can make into a small art studio and get to work, before the inspiration fails and I meld into the bed again. I have much of the stuff still, and I'd just need to go through my paints and see what's worth saving, and what's dried up, like my brain!

So, there are some small steps I want to take. The problem is finding the time. Oi! Always a catch!

The 10th Day of Christmas came

2008-12-24T18:05:00.004-05:00

but before they knew it, the 11th day had already descended upon them due to abject craziness.

So, alas, I bring you the 10th day of Christmas, 18 hours late, with a picture representing why I am late posting:

Yesterday marked my three year anniversary of packing up and hitching my ass to New Jersey from the lovely shores of Britannia. Every year, I pretty much forget the date, and my wonderful sweetie remembers and brings me flowers to remind me. If I had the decision to make over, I'd happily do it all over again.

Iz dis be teh 9th dae?

2008-12-22T22:56:00.003-05:00

On the 9th Day, there was lolcat speak.

Monday, back at work and it just seems that while time is flying by, there is still the same amount of work to be done, but a lot fewer people opting to do it. We had a full staff today, but I'd say I was the only one who actually worked. Most people meandered the halls, did last minute online shopping and a multitude of forced yuletide joy.

Speaking of forced Yuletide joy - there is a specific person in my department who is the definition of all things I loathe, and this person makes every effort to provoke my irritation with his narrow minded, self centered, ego maniacal, right winged, false christian, self-important antics. One of the yearly things that I have to look forward to is his refusal to accept any identification of this time of year as "Christmas Time". He gets on tangents about calling it a "holiday" and he mocks anything remotely not affiliated with Christmas. I have heard a few comments about my chosen beliefs and my observance of Bodhi Day. Just because I chose not to rip off that toupee when I overheard it doesn't mean I've gone soft - I was just being a more enlightened person. ;)

Today was another example, as we all chipped in and gave the boss a holiday gift card. When it was presented, the boss said "Merry Christmas, everyone, and thank you so much" and then stumbled into a "Have a happy holiday." He meant it sincerely, and I think he was just trying to be certain he didn't break any "political correctness" laws or offend anyone. I personally couldn't care less - Bodhi Day is MY celebration, and how I chose to do it is my concern. Christmas is his, and I have no problem with him wishing me Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa or anything else. It's a personal choice and I don't hold people responsible for learning all of the details of what I believe on the off chance that they may not know how to greet me at a holiday they never knew about. My gripe is when ass hats like the other guy stand up after hearing the boss say the "Happy Holiday" thing and get pissed off and say "Merry Christmas, everyone - if you don't like it, there's the door for the liberal whiners". THAT'S what gets me irritated. I know where it was directed, and I don't care so much for the reason of personal offence about my choices, but rather his disrespect for anyone else who may have a differing opinion or belief. That really cranks my engine. I say nothing about the insane looking display he puts up around his desk for over a month every year. I kind of hope the fact that I have a Jesus bobble head next to a Buddha bobble head on my desk might piss him off.

Ugh. I just vomited out all of today's ugliness. *wipes the computer screen off for you*

And on the 8th Day, I Baked

2008-12-21T22:25:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I wish I were baked, but I already have the munchies with no excuse, so no big loss to me there.

It was a quiet day after Sis and Ed left. I baked cookies and then L and I went to the film "7 Pounds". It was really quite good, and I enjoyed it while sobbing silently in my seat. Sometimes I really can be the emotional wreck that most Aquarians claim as the birth right, but I'll never admit that out loud. Crap. I'm not even whispering right now.

This week begins in a few hours, and it promises non-stop action and fun. Seriously, it does and I promise to post something of value when it finally happens.

For now, I'll give you a homework assignment: I want to hear about your tree toppers. What's on top of your Christmas Tree/Hanukkah Bush/Beer Bottle Tree/Drunk Stripper whatever you do or don't celebrate. In other words, if you have a tree, what's on top? If you don't have a tree, what decor are you rocking right now? (Sonya, you are exempt because you so amazingly posted a pic link to your tree on Day #2!! You set a fine example to the masses)

Good night all. Snuggle in and remember that Sugar Plums Dancing are really just circus midgets who broke into your home and are stealing your silverware.

On the 7th Day, I Rested...

2008-12-21T22:15:00.003-05:00

If it weren't for the damned time stamps on everything in this computer controlled world, I could totally post this as though I hadn't missed the midnight deadline last evening, and all would appear right in the world. Alas, if I tried to get away with that, I believe Santa would check off "Naughty, for lying to her blog readers" next to my name. Fat Bastard.

My excuse, however, is that I worked yesterday from the ass crack of dawn (after working 12 hours at my job and then coming home to take an online final exam until stupid o'clock in the morning the prior evening) until 11am, ran home and threw together a marvelous traditional English turkey dinner because L's sister from Yorkshire, England and her fiance came to stay the night with us to celebrate an early holiday. It was a grand time, and we were up giggling until early morning while playing twisted word games and generally chatting up a storm. I adore them both. It was wonderful to have them both here, and it was great to be able to offer them the newly finished and gorgeous guest room upstairs. I was chuffed about it all, from cooking a fab meal to basking in happy memory making times with family.

So, sorry I missed the posting, but honestly, if your panties are in a bunch over this, you should get out more!

OH!!! Can someone, ANYONE please tell me how to frikking spell Chanukah? I found about 8 ways so far in various dictionaries, online resources and such. My fave so far? Hanaka. LMAO Can we at least TRY to spell it?

Day 6 of Christmas, Bitches!

2008-12-19T15:06:00.002-05:00

So, I made it to day six. This in itself is a miracle, and I might have to start believing in Jesus Claus.

I'm working the long and late shift again, then running (or dashing?) through the snow to get home to take my Intercultural Communication final exam before midnight. Yes Virginia, there is a Jesus Claus, and he knows exactly what you want under the tree... a final exam! Oh Joy!

Something caught my attention last night before I lapsed into the unconscious abyss, so I'll share with you. It's actually about the economic situation in this country as it directly relates to my jobs and the people around me.

Special K brought it to my attention that the gas prices here in NJ are really damn good right now. I think they might even be a speck lower than when all the hoopla around the rising gas prices and gouging and the "Drill baby, drill" crap. So, the election happened, and our focus shifted to the car makers, and suddenly and without explanation, my gas prices went from about $5.00 a gallon to about $1.56 a gallon. I'm sorry - can I repeat that?

Months of anxiety and horrible $80.00 tank fill ups with no end in sight, struggling to make the second job worth the gas money, let alone extra income and with no fan fare, the prices just drop? Did the oil fairy come and leave it under my pillow? Did the government find a secret oil deposit on my land and they are siphoning it out while I sleep and selling it back to me? Seriously - it begs for an answer to "WHY did the prices fly high, and then why did they drop and no one says a word?" Something there to think about while cozying up to the fire.

Next subject. Coffeeland is anticipating trouble. They believe that after the new year, the percentage of people coming into the store will drop, and reduce profits enough to cause layoffs and store closings. To combat that, they've reduced the amount of labor they permit at a store per hour. My manager said it's about the amount of store traffic/people who will continue to come into the store daily. I think it's more about how much the people coming in are spending. Special K made the comment that the vast majority of people coming in are very young/high school/college/younger that have their own Prada shoes, Gucci sunglasses, A&F sweaters and platinum cards, driving in their Beemers. These are our bread and butter. We all agreed and felt a little more secure for our future until Fairy GodBoss mentioned that these young people are paying with and living in credit. Credit is running out in this country, and there is no more to be had. So these white-bread and butterballs are going to be shut down soon as well. Nothing could be more depressing than one of them in an outfit from Kohl's, driving a Hyundai. They'll all be crying while shooting up in the bathrooms in the malls.

I'm left thinking only that they were born too late to appreciate the irony of "My Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)" by Timbuk 3.

The 5th Day of Holiday

2008-12-19T00:19:00.004-05:00

Hello folks,

Yes, it's me. Yes, it's late. The two are connected. My Ligie just crawled in from work and into bed and simply has no energy, so I am standing in for her, for one night only. Whatever you do, don't try the veal.

Alice has been visited by the ghost of Christmas My-Mother-Had-Herpes, the poor mite, and has a giant zitlike growth on her bottom lip. We're not overly worried: she had one a few months ago and after a panicked rush to our vet, we were assured that it was kitty puberty. That said, this one's been there a while and is looking oh-so-sore, so I'm going to run her back in tomorrow.

Today was CFU's non-real-employee Holiday Party. The real employees have theirs tomorrow, off-site, all swanky-like. It's not like I'd go if they asked me (I still have lingering resentment), but they make me feel all Mafia, like "Someone's gotta teach these cats a lesson in respect." This made me feel antagonistic enough that I wore my "For Good Luck Rub My Tummy" shirt:

Hey, you made it a "Holiday Party." Celebrate this, bitches.

Which kinda, y'know, goes against all the Buddhist teachings. I still have a lot to learn.

I think it's the 4th Day, but to be honest I can't count.

2008-12-17T19:53:00.005-05:00

Good Evening!

Last night was supremely busy at CoffeeLand. It was quite annoying at times, and with the staffing hours cuts, we were strapped to serve, stock and clean like we normally do. Other than that, Special K LOVED getting Jesus for Chrismahanukwanzibodhikaet.al. She seemed truly psyched about it, and that pleases me.

So today was a decent work day, and following work I had plans to go to a few stores with my padre to assist him with getting some gifts for my mother. Mind you, this is the same man who used to go to the local pharmacy and buy some gum or a button for my sister and I, and some random "only really available at a local pharmacy" type of perfume for my mother for Christmas. Now, to be fair, that's a step up from the days he used to sit in the living room while my sister and I opened presents and he'd be just as surprised as we were because he had NO clue what mom got us. He just didn't do it. Now that he's gotten older, has grand kids, and has a more comfortable monetary position in life, he's taken more of an interest and gets things and even wraps them himself. I'm actually kind of proud of the old so and so. He still needs a detailed list, but he's trying.

Tonight we were more than successful in getting just about everything on the list, and then we went on a "stocking stuffer" run. It was really fun to do it with him, and I was getting stuffers for the gremlins I live with as well, so we were chatting about the best stuff and had a great time. We grabbed a bite to eat after, and then he followed me home so I could give him some stuff to bring to mom's and he could see the house/tree. I could swear I saw his eyes glisten when he walked in and saw the house and the tree. We don't really say very much out loud, so to me, one look was all it took to actually feel like I made him a little proud, and that he enjoyed my company tonight. It was a really cool moment for my dad and I.

Really cool.

This 3rd Day of Christmas Postings

2008-12-16T16:15:00.004-05:00

Mew Ha! Ha! I'm so pleased with myself for finding the time to continue this as promised. Too bad I got very few ideas emailed/commented in from the fan base to add to the countdown. Honestly? Let me share one of the few:

"countdown is a good ideas. maybe you can list the stuff you want for presents and things. or you could make fun of presents or things"

Thanks so much. I never could have thought of that "ideas" on my own. You should have your own blog. Go hold your breath until I tell you to stop.

Anyway, on the 3rd day, I wanted to share with you a gift I bought for my friend Special K. She asked for it, so who am I to deny her?? Besides, it brought me much joy and blasphemous playtime for the week it's been in my home waiting for me to bring it to her. I know I say "Live and let live", but I'm allowed creative license too, right? Here it is!

Jesus, in all his swimmer's build glory.

Now come on how cool is that?! What you can't see is that he is a talking action figure. He recites stories and passages from the bible. My guess is that they originally made him so that the Vatican could take vacations, and set the life-sized version up in the window so all the good Roman Catholics would continue to behave if they thought they were being watched by Jesus. I don't know who they think they are fooling, if the same people won't be good while knowing Santa is watching. Anyway, look the doll up. The makers are One2Believe.com, so you can see I'm not just bashing and being biased. If you have a serious interest, that's cool. If you are like me, you might want to see it merely from the nostalgic standpoint of someone who had GI Joe dolls. No joke, the Savior is RIPPED! His chest is bigger than the wrestler action figures that are out. It's like they stuck his head on a Hulk doll! They have Mary and others as well, but I don't think she's quite as big a draw.

Anyway, enjoy all. I'm off to CoffeeLand, and I'm sure, a little hate mail. Don't like it? Send me countdown suggestions that don't suck!

On the 2nd Day of Christmas, your Blogger Gives to You...

2008-12-15T21:55:00.006-05:00

A post just as promised, so I can prove to my grade school teachers that I can follow through, they were wrong, and they will rot in hell.

This post is going to be more about the 3 things that made me smile today, rather than all the stupid little things that went wrong. Those will be added to the inevitable tide of other wrong things that are bound to happen tomorrow. Yay optimism!

So today brought me insane happiness with the fully finished and lit tree in the living room. I don't even celebrate Christmas; we celebrate Bodhi Day within the traditions of Buddhism, but I am a sucker for a bit of nostalgic tradition, and my entire family celebrates Christmas, so why not have fun. This can be seen as my very open and accepting attitude of other beliefs and practices, or as one more way I will confuse my own children with too many options. I'm such an Aquarium. Wait, Aquarian.

So, the tree:

The second thing from today was spending the afternoon at my mom's house, working at a semi-new tradition of making fresh gingerbread cookies for the holiday. We listened to the "Charlie Brown's Christmas" cd I brought (I did a Snoopy dance) and baked and chatted. It was really nice, and my cookies are shaped as reindeer. I rule.

So, the cookies:

The third thing just happened as we opened our mail tonight. We got a Christmas card from Lisa's brother Chris, his wife Rach, and the ever lovely little 'lizbeth. The card was cute, and when we opened it, there was a message that it was special. We turn it over, and it's a card from 'lizbeth's school, and the top says "design created by:" and her name!! How awesome is that? It's kind of a 3 eyed angel on crack, and it's gorgeous!

So, the card, designed by family: (It's better than Lisa can do any day!)

Have a great night... until tomorrow.

By the Skin of my Teeth - The 1st Day of Christmas

2008-12-14T23:35:00.003-05:00

Ok, hiatus over.
Ok, not really a hiatus, more like a phlegm-fest sinus and chest cold that's lingering like a one night stand at the door in the morning claiming to have lost a shoe.

Whatever the case, I am here, as promised with the first edition. Sadly, I have very little to bitch about because as of this afternoon, the house is - done. Yep. Done. Dusted. Gorgeous. Done. I was even able to put up our tree and decorate with L. It was really all very nice.
Oh!

What I CAN do is relate to you what this post would have been if events had not happened as they did. Let's pretend that S. was unable to transfer his stuff from the living room to the newly finished upstairs by today, and I had been unable to clean that area, set up the tree, and get things done. It has very little to do with S., and more about my freakish and fierce expectations for myself and those around me at times. If this had been the case, these are the mentionables I'd be angry about from this week...

I have a hard-on for every stupid little pedestrian who decided that crosswalks were just too inconvenient and bothersome to deal with, and that it's better to dart out in front of me with a gaggle of children in tow, inevitably allowing more and more people to take advantage of my yielded position and follow suit. Honestly - these are placed on every fucking corner in my city. Use them. Seriously, use them or I might cut my own brakes as a legal excuse to mow your asses down. It wasn't even cold the last few days. Will the few extra steps kill you?

WalMart. People. Seriously. I know it's a huge sale in the fancy indoor garage sale store, but to run down and trample someone to death? The shirt is a cotton/poly blend. I'm certain you could have bought it 5 minutes later, and you'll still look as trashy.

Lawn Decor. Please use your heads and be respectful. I have 2 small lit wire deer on my front lawn and a red bow on my door. My next door neighbour has 2 deer and has the roof outline of his home in the white icicle lights and red bows down this fence. The guy across the street? At least 3 huge blow up "fixtures" or whatever you call the gigantor hot air balloons shaped like animals and Santas. I think he has a penguin. Where can you find a penguin in NJ? On his lawn. then there are the millions of lights. Some blink, some don't. Colors mixed. Random other "stick this into the ground" decorations and a few religious overtones to boot. That house isn't exactly the Griswold's house, but it's annoying enough because they LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON ALL FREAKING NIGHT! You either create a nice decor, or you make the house that's on YouTube that lights to the Christmas music, but things in between are just plain obnoxious and unacceptable. PSE&G should cut your power. I might go ballistic and stab your inflatable snowman in a fit of rage. Don't test me... I'll gut him like a pig.

So, that's it for this edition. I promise, the next will be more organized and concise. Tune in tomorrow for it, and in the meantime, here's a holiday tip:

When finishing the tree trimming, forget stringing popcorn for that relaxing, olde-timey feeling. String up Xanax instead. Then, when stress gets bad, you can gnaw on the tree and watch your cares float away in the twinkling lights!

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